


Breathing Underwater

by strangedazey



Category: Marvel, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Awesome Frigga, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Falling In Love, Graphic Description, Hurt/Comfort, Loki Redemption, Odin's Good Parenting, Thor Is Not Stupid
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-08
Updated: 2016-01-21
Packaged: 2018-02-28 17:03:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 14
Words: 60,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2740205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strangedazey/pseuds/strangedazey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set one year post-Avengers. Loki has been sentenced to eternal punishment in Asgard's dungeons when Thor brings him back to Midgard to give him a chance to heal.</p><p>But the worst is yet to come...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Originally, I had posted this over at fanfic.net, but after my computer died and lost all my shit all I had left was my saved copy of Breathing Underwater, and during a re-read, I saw ALL THE TYPOS and all the other things I wanted to fix, so decided to tweak it and make it shiny! 
> 
> If you've read it before, hopefully this version is a little less hard on the brain!
> 
> I love Loki and this is my way of fixing things for him, and I regret nothing! Mwhaha...

_“The world breaks everyone, and afterward some are strong at the broken places.”_

~Ernest Hemingway

* * *

 

One year earlier

Home was just another word for pain. The pain of loss. The pain of failure and humiliation. He was being sent home to be judged for the crimes he had committed on Midgard as well as Asgard, and he had no reason to think Odin would be lenient because of their so-called familial ties.

He thinks he will long for death before they are finished with him.

He was right.

* * *

 

Present day

Rose took a deep breath as she paced, the frustration building as she waited for them to arrive. And if she was being honest, fear as well. Seriously, what was _wrong_ with her? She thought she’d put all the insanity of being involved with SHEILD behind her. But no, all it had taken was a visit with Jane and Thor _(yes, he was the God of Thunder_ ) and her resolve to stay as far away as possible from other people’s problems had crumpled like wet paper. The idea of the shy and bookish Jane in love with the God of Thunder, and the future king of Asgard would have made her laugh if it wasn't so obvious how gaga the two of them were over each other. It was almost painfully sweet to watch, but evidently the overwhelming cuteness had sucked any stray bits of intelligence out of her head, because in the end she had agreed to let Thor bring his brother to her house to stay.

Thor was afraid that Loki wouldn't survive another year in the dungeons of Asgard. That his brother had given up and was waiting to die.

Jane thought she would be uniquely suited to keeping the God of Mischief out of trouble and confined at her remote home at the base of the mountains in West Virginia.

Rose wasn't sure if Jane thought she'd be good for Loki, or that she was just as batshit crazy as Loki in her own way and would be the best one to try and understand him.

This was what she got from running away from her life in the city, she thought with a sour look at the dark clouds gathering in the north. People thought that just because she lived in the middle of nowhere that she was prime babysitter material for a wayward god. She snickered at the thought because maybe she really had gone crazy, and this was just a bad hallucination and she would be waking up soon.

Rose rubbed her eyes and sighed as she sat on the porch swing, gently rocking it with her foot as she thought about the arrival of her soon to be guest. She'd seen the footage on the news alone with the rest of the population as Loki had almost destroyed the world, and while she did think he needed to rethink his methods, being punished indefinitely or tortured to the point of death, may not be the best way to bring about a change of heart.

So, here she was, waiting for Thor to break his brother out prison on Asgard, so he could be imprisoned yet again, here, with her. Thor had warded her property so Loki couldn't leave unless he or Rose allowed him to, and the irony that she had in fact just become his new warden wasn't lost on her. Jane must have told Thor about what her issues with people were, because after talking to her he was convinced that this place with her was the best place for his brother to recover (regain his sanity) from his incarceration.

She'd shamelessly read Thor's mind, and seeing Loki's deteriorating condition through his eyes, along with the pleading in his mind had led to her giving in, but it gave her some serious doubts about her own state of mind. How the hell did they, and by they, she means Nick Fury, think that she would be good for _anyone_ , let alone someone who had been so terribly broken? Her life was just barely livable as it was, how did that mean that in any way that she was going to be good for anyone else?

The idea of being responsible for another sends a chill down her spine, and she has to fight the urge to run while there was still time.

Rose shivered as she watched the first drops of icy rain pattering down on the smooth wooden planks of the porch, then slowly got to her feet. She turned and gave one last look at the dark grey sky, then thought maybe she'd start a fire while she waited. It seemed like the day had suddenly turned cold with a vengeance.

She tells herself that it’s the weather making her cold, not fear. Not fear. She won’t let it be.

* * *

 

Loki stood and waited as he was shackled and gagged yet again. Though how far Thor, _his mind refuses the word brother_ , thought he could get in his present condition, he really could not imagine. He still wanted to cringe at the look of pity that Thor had given him when he had opened the door to his cell. His back is a bloody ruin from the last whipping, and when he closes his eyes he can still feel the bite of the lash on his skin. His powers have been stripped from him along with his flesh so there is no way to disguise the damage from anyone’s prying eyes.

He will not take pity from anyone, least of all Thor.

Thor had flinched at the sight of his brother's mangled back, but oddly enough had said little for a change, and just covered Loki with a cloak, taking care to make sure his face was concealed as well. Loki could not even stir up enough interest to care where Thor was taking him as he heard the locks rattle in his cell door. The rest passes in a blur until he hears the familiar crackle of the Bifröst came to life. He had a moment to hope he would get lucky and it would collapse again, only this time killing him in the bargain, and then they were gone to whatever fresh Hel awaited him.

A great crack of thunder had heralded their arrival, and normally he would have just attributed it to Thor showing off - but he could feel no magic being worked. It was just a simple thunderstorm. Then without a doubt he knows where Thor had taken him. They were on Midgard. He wanted to laugh at his earlier thoughts of Hel, because really? Midgard was much worse. Then of course it started raining.

The pounding rain had quickly soaked through their clothing, and beats like an indifferent drum on the hood of his cloak. As it was all he could do to keep to his feet, Loki just let himself be led. The shackles that bound his wrists were rune etched silver with the spells of confinement woven into the very fabric of the metal, and until his magic was restored there would be no escaping them. He heard the sound of a door being opened, and then he was ushered inside a building by his brother's hand on his shoulder.

No, he corrected himself. _Thor's_ hand. He ground his teeth in frustration, would he never learn?

Rose felt a fine tremor run through her at the sight of the chains binding Loki’s hands, and knew the odd combination of anger and fear told her she’d better keep a tight rein on her temper. Lashing out at strange gods? Probably not the best idea.

But she was furious.

Oh, she understood the idea behind the chains, in theory anyway. She resolutely doesn’t think of the scar on her own arm that had come from being chained once herself. Loki had almost destroyed the whole world, viewed humans with the utmost contempt according to Jane. But … and this was the part that had started her temper on a slow burn even as it sent a shiver down her spine, if his powers were bound, why the need for the magical handcuffs?

Thor tried not to despair as he watched his brother struggle to keep his feet. If this didn't work he was out of ideas as to what to do to help him. Jane had said if anyone could get through to his brother, to make him see that his life was still worth something, that the Lady Rose would be the person to do it, but privately, he’s not so sure. There is a bleak look in the Midgardian’s pale grey eyes that tells him she has known loss and known it well, and he has a moment of misgiving about leaving his brother here, but he is out of options and tries not to let the sense of melancholy he was feeling show in his voice as he began talking to his brother.

“Your magic is still bound and I would put thoughts of escape far from your mind.” He received no response and Thor directed his next words to Rose, as Loki appeared to be ignoring him. “He cannot commit violence, nor take his leave of this place or its lands unless you command it of him.”

Thor pulled the hood off his brother's head as he continued speaking. “Lady Rose has been most gracious and offered for you to stay with her. I think you will find the accommodations much more to your liking.” It occurred to him then that he hadn’t even bother to introduce them, and he gave Rose a sheepish look. “May I present my brother Loki, Prince of Asgard.”

Rose was stunned into silence as she just stood and gawked at Thor's brother. They had him shackled and gagged? She watched her new roommate drip water all over the wooden floor of her living room without comment until she noticed the water was tinged with red, and felt a shudder run through her. She opened her mind to Loki, and stifled a moan at the instant onslaught of pain, and turned on Thor with a furious look.

“What have they done to him?” She crossed the room to stand by Thor, and gestured to Loki with a trembling hand. “Unchain him now.” Loki's green eyes were dulled with pain, and his normally pale skin was ashen, but he still had enough strength to give her an imperious look at her for barking orders at his brother and she could feel his instantaneous reaction of: anger - shame - refusal at what he perceived to be pity. Rose disregarded the fury in his green eyes and reached out to unfasten the pin at his throat, carefully ignoring the: She's touching me, horror in his thoughts, though it did make her smile for a second. She gently peeled the wet material away from the raw mess of his back, then put a steadying hand on his arm as she looked at the damage. For a minute all she could do was stare at him in shock at what his own father had done to him. She'd seen a lot of things as a doctor, then a lot more horrendous things when she worked for Nick, but they'd made a fucking mess of him.

She fought to keep her voice level, because she knew if she didn't she'd start screaming as she spoke to Thor. “I'm going to need to clean his back or it's going to get infected. If he's not able to heal himself?” She put the question in her tone, not surprised at Thor's emphatic shake of the head. “He can lay on the table while I clean him up then.” She'd felt Loki start to sway under the light hold she still had on his arm, and turned to face him again, and Rose frowned again at the sight of the metal gag that covered the bottom half of his face.

“I want him out of the shackles now,” she said. She studied him for a minute, thinking the gag must close in the back and given the way Loki towered over her, there was no way she could reach it unless he proved willing to accept her help. She watched him glare at his brother while Thor released him from his chains that bound his wrists together, and thought the only thing keeping him upright at this point was rage. Rage and the determination to show no weakness in front of an enemy. The thought is not altogether hers, and she pushes away the sense of unease it brings as she watches the two brothers both pretend this wasn’t destroying them.

Thor gave Loki a sad smile and clasped him on the arm, pretending not to notice how his brother flinched back away from his touch. “I can only hope that when we see one another again, we have a better time of it.”

“Lady Rose, if I could speak with you?” Thor said softly, then gestured for Rose to follow him outside.

“I need the key that unlocks the muzzle.” Rose blurted it out as soon as the door shuts behind them, and for all that he seems lighthearted and carefree the look that Thor gives her is grave and searching before he holds out his hand for Rose to take the tiny silver key from his palm.

“At least now he'll have to speak to me.” Rose said as she took the key, and saw Thor's blue eyes widen at her words before he smiled and gave her fingers a quick squeeze before stepping back.

“I think you will find out quickly enough Lady Rose that getting my brother to talk has never been a issue.” He gave her a bow and left with a much lighter heart. The Lady Rose had a quick a mind as his brother it seemed, and Thor laughed to himself as he launched himself skyward, thinking that Loki may have finally met his match in the little human healer.

Rose sent up a quick prayer to whatever gods that might be listening as she went back in the house, she had a feeling that she was going to need all the luck she could get.

Loki was still standing in front of the fireplace where she had left him, and he was most definitely _not_ looking at her. He kept those intense green eyes locked on the fireplace like the flames were the most interesting thing in the world as she sat the tray of medical supplies down that she'd brought in with her, and walked over to stand beside him. He didn't turn to face her, but she saw the muscles in his body tighten with every step she took closer to him.

“You're too tall for me to the unlock that unless you bend down.” Rose held her hand out as she spoke to show that she truly did have the key, and watched as his eyes flashed to her hand and then quickly back to her face.

“Will you let me free you?” She'd asked for the key, because she wanted him to know that it mattered to her that he was freed. That she offered him a choice in what happened to him, however small it was.

Rose kept her eyes locked on his as she waited for him to decide how their time together would start.

Loki felt a spark of genuine surprise at her words. He had not been offered a choice in anything for what seemed like a very long time, and he gave the dark haired girl his full attention now. He supposed by the standards of Midgard she would be considered pretty enough. Dark brown hair fell in a riot of curls down past her shoulders, delicate brows arched over eyes of soft dove grey and she had a light dusting of freckles across her the bridge of her nose. Her skin was paler than normal for his people, then he gave a mental curse at the thought, not his people, never his people, no matter what his wishes were. And she was short. He towered over her, and she would seem delicate next to the regal height of the women of Asgard. He watched her mouth twitch while he studied her, like she was biting back a smile at his inner turmoil.

Loki frowned at her as he bent stiffly at the waist, trying to ignore the awful pain in his back as he stooped to allow her to undo the metal covering his face. What harm could it do to allow her to unbind him?

Rose gently combed her fingers through his dark hair looking for the lock to the gag. Blood had dried in the ends of it, and she was trying to get to the lock without ripping half his hair out in the bargain. After what seems like an eternity of fumbling, finally, the key opened the lock with a tiny click and she carefully lifted the mask off his face and got her first direct look at the God of Mischief.

His face was lean, with high cheekbones and a wide mobile mouth that looked like he'd be quick to smile or laugh with it. Or, at least he probably used to be, she thought. Large green eyes studied her as well, and she wondered briefly what he saw when he looked at her. She brushed away a lock of dark hair that had fallen in his eyes away from his face, and felt a wave of confusion from him, followed by: _how dare she touch me_ , and _pain, pain, pain_ coming off him in a wild snarl of thought and emotion.

Loki jerked back away from her touch and immediately regretted it as the pain in his back made the room do a slow spin. He felt the girl catch him around the waist as he staggered, then she gave a startled yelp as they over-balanced right before they went down in a tangle of limbs. He had a split second to hope he didn't kill the mortal when he fell on her, then the pain seemed to be everywhere and it was the last thing he remembered as he collapsed to the floor.

Rose tried to relearn to breathe as she started to squirm out from underneath Loki, because for all his slim build he was still surprisingly heavy. As she tried to shift him to the side, she felt a hum of awareness from his mind right before he raised himself up on a forearm with a hiss of pain. Green eyes blinked down at her in bewilderment for a moment, and if she had had the breath for it she would have laughed. She settled for brushing the hair out of his eyes again, and noticed that this time he tolerated her touch without the snide mental commentary.

“I'm going to clean the wounds on your back and help with the pain.” She tried to give him an encouraging smile as she spoke. There was definite doubt in the look he gave her, but he gave her a small nod before he obligingly raised himself higher, so she was able to wiggle out from under him before he collapsed back to the floor with a groan.

Rose hurried over to where she had left her medical supplies. Even though she no longer worked as a doctor, she still had the basics and after she'd gotten the call from Jane, had restocked well beyond the norm for her. She gave a nervous laugh as she picked up the tray, thinking that the basics had probably never covered a Norse god that had been almost flogged to death, then looked at Loki's still form and tried to decide the best way to do this without hurting him any more than she had to. She wanted to get him in front of the fire for warmth, he had felt decidedly cool to the touch and she didn't want him going into shock from his injuries. He couldn't die, but according to Thor that with his magic being subdued like it was he wouldn't heal at a normal rate, or what passed for a normal rate if you were from Asgard, and he was obviously suffering for it now.

Rose dropped down next to the now still god. After he'd budged to the side so she could get out from under him, he had dropped his head on his arm and hadn't moved at all. She touched his arm, and when he didn't respond to that, she quickly checked the pulse at the big vein in his neck and was rewarded with the slow thud of his heart. He was alive, just passed out for the time being. She blew out of breath in relief. It was time to haul ass then before he came to and had enough energy to protest what she was going to do to him.

Rose shifted Loki as gently as she could to one side, tipping him onto the blanket she'd brought, then she slid him across the wooden floor on it until he was close enough to the fireplace to benefit from it’s warmth. Rose frowned at the blood that caked the waist of the thin trousers he wore, then with a shrug took her heavy medical shears and made a slit along either side of his waist and then carefully tugged off his boots. She watched him for signs of life, but he still appeared to be out cold. Dilemma time. She knew that the minute she started cleaning the mess they'd made of his back that he'd wake up and the pain would be horrific. And then, thanks to her special gift and the fact she'd be in constant contact with him she'd get to feel it all too.

Rose shrugged, then muttered, _“Fuck it_ ” under her breath. At least if she had to be touching him, she could dull the pain for him so he didn't suffer too terribly from what she needed to do to him. She winced in sympathy when she looked at the ragged flesh of his back, it looked like he had suffered more than enough to her as it was.

She started tugging off the blood soaked trousers and mentally kept her mind trained to his for signs he was waking up. Then all she could do was stare for a second, because: A.) The God of Mischief evidently didn't believe in underwear, and B.) He had a great ass. He was all lean muscle without an once of fat. Anywhere.

Rose shook her head at the unfairness of it all. She could work out every day from now until the freaking end of time and her butt would never look that good.

Then of course, that was when she finally noticed that Loki was awake again. She felt his thoughts coalesce in a tumble of pain and anger as he raised his head and glared at her, making Rose blush so hard it felt like all the blood rushing to her head was going to make it explode. Ignoring the need to just die from the embarrassment of getting caught gawking at his butt, she quickly got busy cleaning his back. It had been lashed to the bone in places, and at the first touch of the cloth to his back Loki snarled at her, twisting around and grabbing her by the hand so quickly she didn't even see him move. The pressure on her hand had stopped just this side of pain, but she could feel the unbelievable strength he kept contained. He could crush the bones in her hand to powder with just a hard thought it would seem, but his grip was careful even though his eyes were glowing with anger. The fact he had kept from lashing out and really hurting her told Rose a lot about the man lying in front of her.

Loki glared up at her. “I do not need your pitiful excuse of what passes for healing in this misbegotten realm.” The girl narrowed her eyes at him, then slowly nodded her head in agreement. He raised himself up on his arms, ignoring the screaming protest from his abused back. “Just leave me alone.” He started to let go of her hand, then froze as she turned her hand in his and squeezed his fingers.

Rose felt him start to push her away and spoke fast, “I may not be on par with a god, but I can assure you, my healing technique is _far_ from pitiful.” Then she let her power wrap around him and drained away the pain. She took care to keep her breathing slow and even, mindful not to show any sign of discomfort. She only had one chance to get him to acknowledge what she could do and if he knew what this was costing her it wouldn't work.

Loki bit back a moan at the sudden absence of pain. He should be telling her to stop, to unhand him immediately, but just took a moment to luxuriate in the pain being gone before it finally occurred to him as to how she was able to do this. Then he jerked away like her touch was burning him, ignoring the pain that roared back to life again.

“You are a thought-sifter,” he said flatly. She gave him a puzzled look at the unfamiliar term, but her full lips curved up in a smile as she very deliberately laid her hand on his shoulder as he watched her warily. This time he could feel her using her power on him, and Loki wasn't sure if it was the fact that she no longer was trying to hide what she was doing or not, but it was making his eyes want to roll back in his head at the sensation. He felt her run her hand along his cheek whispering for him to rest, and the God of Mischief felt sleep overtake him before he can utter another word of protest.

Rose blew out a shaky breath, she had to work quickly now. She wasn't used to using that much power anymore and she didn't want him to wake up before she was finished. She cleaned the lash marks thoroughly, making sure that they were completely disinfected before she started to bandage him up, and then lightly covered the worst of the whip marks. It wouldn't do him any good to get some sort of cross-species infection from being exposed to weird germs on Earth, she thought as she covered him to the waist with a soft blanket. His natural healing ability was faster than anything human no matter what Thor said to the contrary, but he was still going to be in considerable pain for the next few days. Then she hurried to get cleaned up as well, thinking she wouldn't do him any good if she face-planted from exhaustion right when he woke up the next time.

Rose showered in record time, dressed in what passed as pajamas for her (t-shirt and sleep shorts) and got some much needed food. She made some tea for Loki, thinking getting some fluids in him would be a good idea, then went and checked on him. He was starting to toss and turn from the pain, moaning softly as he tried to shift around to a more comfortable position. She quickly grabbed his arm to stop him as he tried to turn onto his back, and Loki opened his eyes and gave her a pain-filled look of confusion.

“C'mon Loki, I need you to drink this,” she said encouragingly, as she offered him the cup. He gave her a suspicious look, but then thirst obviously won out because he took a small sip of the tea. He must have decided it wasn't going to kill him, because he took the cup from her after that and drank the rest of the honey sweetened drink down in big gulps. She took the cup from him and sat it down, then just gaped at him when he grabbed her arm and started tugging her closer.

“Cold,” he whispered. Loki wrapped his arm around her, and buried his face against her.

If Rose had been surprised that he had accepted her touch without the revulsion he'd shown her early, the fact he was now cuddled up to her like this though was just shocking. She lightly rubbed his arms, choking down a wild urge to break down laughing. The Norse god was curled against her like she was his favorite toy. She looked down at him, then sighed and wiggled around until she was more comfortable. Loki then wrapped both arms around her this time and proceeded to use her for a pillow. Rose watched his brow wrinkle at the ache in his back and reached out to touch his mind and dampen the pain. She could see the instant relief as the lines on face smoothed out and he relaxed into her with a soft sigh.

Suddenly exhausted herself, Rose cuddled Loki closer, stroking his silky dark hair until she fell asleep as well.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki wakes up grumpy ....

_"The heart is the only broken instrument that works."_

~ T.E. Kalem

* * *

 

Loki woke up slowly, thinking that for the first time in longer than he could remember he was warm. He raised his head to look at the little mortal and thought that the fact that he had evidently slept all night with his face buried in her breasts should have filled him with disgust, it should have horrified him. But for now, all he could feel was … good. It had been so long since he had known any sort of peace he found himself almost unable to recognize the feeling any more. He studied the girl while she slept, knowing the only reason he felt as well as he did was due to how empathic the girl was. He’d named it thought-sifting to her because the best of the Asgardian healers were natural mind-readers as well. She had absorbed his pain almost completely, a rare talent indeed that would challenge the skills of even the strongest of the Aesir. The fact that she was just an inferior mortal, made it nothing short of astonishing to him. The fire had died down to a soft glow of embers, and he watched bemused as the girl wrapped an arm around his shoulder, noting that even while sleeping she seemed mindful of his wounds and was still keeping the worst of the pain at bay. She must be dreaming, he thought as she mumbled something in her sleep to low for him to hear, then froze in place as he heard her whisper his name.

She slowly stiffened in his arms as she came awake, and now that he was more aware of it he could feel the light mental touch as her mind reached out for his, and braced himself for the intrusion. In times past when he had been forced to allow others to touch his thoughts it had been nothing short of a brutal invasion, but the girl was delicate as a moonbeam as she twined her thoughts with his before draining the pain away.

He shied away from the memories of Thanos then. The blackness that had consumed and stripped away all that he was, until he had screamed and wept and begged him to stop. Or later when he had just begged for them to have done and kill him.

Loki cut off that line of thinking immediately and willed himself to relax as he closed his eyes again. If he could find a moment's peace he would take it, even if it was with this mortal girl, he would greedily seize it with both hands.

Rose felt Loki run the whole gamut of emotion before calming himself, then he finally gave a sigh as he relaxed against her again. She wasn't sure if she wanted to hug him or smack him for thinking she was inferior. The thought where he'd compared her to a moonbeam though … it made her give a little hum of pleasure as she gently rubbed the bare skin of his shoulders. It quickly turned to a yip of surprise when he suddenly raised himself up a forearm, green eyes blazing with his face inches from hers.

Loki studied her with a single minded intensity that he could tell was scaring her, could feel the sudden rapid beat of her heart, and all it did was make him angrier. _Why_ would she want to help him? _Why_ would she seek to comfort him? He was a stranger to her, there were no bonds of friendship between them. No boon that he could grant her in his currently reduced state. Suddenly incensed, Loki shoved himself back from her, ignoring the ripping pain from the lash marks. He made it to his knees, then staggered to his feet. The fact he was naked and she was staring up him with her face flushing a bright pink did nothing to improve his temper. Midgardians and their foolish notions concerning nudity. He had a sudden perverse urge to laugh at the look on her face though, you would have thought the girl had never seen a naked man before.

Rose knew she shouldn't stare at him like that, or that she should at least try and blink before her eyes stuck like this and she went blind, but she just sat there like an idiot and drank in the sight of him. His hair was a wild tangle around his face, he was too thin, his time in prison had cost him weight he couldn't afford to lose. But lean muscles rippled with every movement he made, and if he wasn't as big as his brother in some ways, well … she had to think he was bigger in others. She must have been staring silently long enough to disconcert him, because he crossed his arms over his chest as he glared at her.

Loki scowled down at the girl. “Have you looked your fill yet?” He gestured to himself with the wave of a hand. “I know you only have the pitiful example of the so-called males of Midgard as a comparison, but surely you've seen a naked man before.” He put as much contempt as he could in his voice, thinking if he angered her enough she would soon be begging Thor to come and get him. And then he would no longer have to look into her grey eyes that saw too much and laid him bare before her.

Rose gave him her most innocent smile as she got up. “Well, now that you're up, I want to get you moved to a bed. The floor isn't exactly the best place to sleep.” She'd felt the bitterness of his thoughts, but oddly enough most of it was self-directed and not aimed at her, no matter his words to the contrary. But she couldn't resist the temptation to needle him a bit as she continued talking, “And yes, I've seen more than enough.”

She pointed him in the direction of her room down the hall, and waited until he'd gone a few steps in front of her before hitting him with the rest of it. Making sure he could hear the laughter in her voice, she said, “You know, I was really expected something … I don't know … a lot _bigger_ , I guess. Seeing as you are a god after all.” Rose grinned as she watched his shoulders hunch in response to the verbal jab, then he surprised her as he spoke without turning around.

“I am the God of Mischief and _Lies_. I do not have to be able to sift your thoughts to know when I am being told an untruth." Loki listened to her huff a laugh at his riposte, then gritted his teeth as pain raked across his back and made the world go out of focus. The girl quickly looped his arm over her shoulder taking his weight as he leaned heavily on her. He would have reprimanded her for touching him yet _again_ , but he was no longer sure he could stay upright without help.

Rose let him lean on her as she opened the door to her bedroom, then helped him stagger to the bed and quickly pulled the covers back. All the color was gone from his face, and she could see that blood had started to seep through his bandages in spots as he struggled onto the bed. Loki finally gave up trying to look graceful and just flopped on his stomach with a grunt of pain and buried his face in the pillow. “I’m going to get fresh bandages. Some of the cuts are bleeding again, and - you aren’t even listening, are you?” Rose rolled her eyes at the lack of response. Men were men no matter the flavor if you were saying something they didn’t want to hear she thought with a frown at Loki’s prone position in her bed.

Talking. She was talking again. He thought if he ignored her long enough she would eventually go away and leave him in peace.

Rose knew he was still awake, so she just went and got her medical supplies and started changing the bloodied bandages. As bad as it was, the deep cuts were looking better already, which made her uneasy as hell, because if his magic was still bound it meant that her powers were what was helping with the healing, and before this even when she’d wanted to she hadn’t been able to heal properly. She made herself put it away for now, but part of her was still taking stock of his injuries now versus the day before. There were still raw muscles exposed, but he'd healed enough at least she couldn't see bare bone anymore. She felt his muscles tighten up under her hands, so she alleviated the pain as much as she could, letting it flow out of him and into her. It was quickly becoming much easier for her again, thinking back to when she'd first started using her powers. In the beginning it was all she could do to make it home from work before she'd collapse from exhaustion. But it had gotten better with time and continued use, evidently mental abilities were like any other and became stronger and more capable with regular use.

She saw Loki shiver and pulled the blanket up higher on his waist and got up to start a fire to help warm the room up. Her house wasn't huge, but her grandfather had built the rooms big enough that each bedroom had its own fireplace. She just stood and watched the flames for minute after she got it going, glad for the extra warmth herself. She'd been comfortable enough cuddled up with Loki, but standing in just sleep-shorts and a ratty t-shirt it was still cool.

Then a wave of despair hit her, so black and full of loathing all she could do was try not to drown under the onslaught of it.

Loki turned his head and watched the girl stand in front of the fireplace, looking lost in thought as she stared at the flames. He knew that the humans didn't consider what she could do magic, but he was struck again at how skilled she was after she'd soothed his pain while she had cleaned his wounds. For all that his sorcery had been scorned and feared, he thought, if the little mortal had been born to the Aesir she would have been venerated for her powers. She would have been taught to use and expand them to make the most of her abilities. There would be much that he himself could teach her if he were so inclined.

Not that he would of course, the very notion was preposterous.

Mortals were so very finite in their thinking, all she really needed was to be shown how to make use of what she already had, and she would be a true force to be reckoned with. Loki shut off that line of thought with an almost audible snap, and buried his face in the pillow, ignoring the fact that it held her scent, and the baffling fact that he took a small measure of comfort in it.

Because nothing in this wretched realm was comforting. Not the absence of pain. Not the fact he could feel she wanted to help him. And he didn’t understand _why_. There was nothing, because he was trapped here. And even if he could go home, what would he go home to?

There was _nothing_.

Rose felt tears burn in her eyes as Loki's grief hit her like a slap, and kept her movements slow and deliberate as she walked over to the bed and knelt down beside it, laying her arms along the edge of the bed. God, she knew despair. Knew the feeling of utter wretched surety that nothing would ever be as you needed it to be in order to survive. As she watched Loki try to smother himself in the pillow, she hesitated for a second before reaching out and letting herself stroke his inky dark hair away from his face. He flinched at her touch, then slowly turned his head to face her, big green eyes haunted as he met her gaze before he regained control and gave her a calculating look, like he was once more taking her measure.

The suspicion in his thoughts would have made her want to laugh, except for the unguarded moment when he'd leaned into her touch like he was unconsciously yearning for the contact, and then like he'd heard her thoughts, he jerked his head away from her hand, his high cheekbones flushing with bright color.

Loki was mortified that he had let the girl coddle him like a child, and his voice was harsh as he spoke. “What do you _want_?” He ground the words out, then made himself glare at her, and for good measure thought how stupid she was again. _Loudly_. So he knew she would pick up on it. He gave her a disdainful look as her eyes shot wide at the insult, but it quickly turned to puzzlement when the chit actually laughed at his mental taunt.

Rose grinned at Loki as she stood up. “If you're not going to sleep, what things do you like to eat? You need protein and fluids to help with the blood loss.” She heard the next thought like he'd yelled it at her, and started laughing again as he hid his face in the pillow again. “And no, all food on Midgard does not taste like _shit_. At least not when I'm cooking it. Well, most of the time anyway.”

Then she went to get changed and bring the God of Mischief something to eat. Rose carried the tray loaded with food and set it down on the dresser. She'd gone a little overboard making things, but she wasn't sure what he would eat. He didn't react to her coming in the room, but she could feel the hum of his thoughts and knew he was awake. She poured a cup of tea and drizzled honey into it, he'd seemed to like that well enough last night. “Would you like some tea?” she asked. She didn't think he was going to answer her for a minute, then he gave an exaggerated sigh and slowly started to sit up. She put down the cup and handed him a pair of old sweatpants of Grady's that she'd found in the spare room. When he raised an eyebrow in question, she gave him a wide smile. “As pretty as you are, it's kind of cold to be walking around naked.” The offer to help him dress was met with look of complete disgust so Rose turned her back and left him to it.

As Loki slowly pulled the shapeless black trousers up, he looked at her and frowned as he spoke. “Are you married then?” She gave him a blank look of incomprehension and he rolled his eyes at her. “These are far too large to fit you. Do you have a husband?” Of course it didn't _matter_ to him. Refusing to examine the intent behind the question, he watched her put some type of food on a plate. Which he assumed she was going to want him to eat. Loki tried to stifle a shudder at the thought.

“Oh,” Rose said. “No, I'm not married. They belong to my brother, he must have left them here at some point.” She handed him the plate after he got settled. “I gather you've eaten food here before from what you said.” She was wildly curious to see what he'd think of it, his expression had been waffling between disgust and suspicion while he'd been watching her load the plate. She hadn't been sure what he'd like, so had gone for the basics: bacon, eggs, and toast, reasoning he would have to at least like some of it. He poked at the eggs with the fork, then gingerly took a small bite. With his eyes partially closed. He must have decided it wasn't going to kill him, because the look on his face brightened and he took a bigger bite.

“A few times,” he said. “The substance in that bowl looks disturbingly like vomit.” He scowled as she laughed at the look on his face. “It does,” he insisted. “It looks horrid and I’m not eating it.”

Rose grinned at him. “It's oatmeal. I know it doesn’t look the best, but it tastes good. I put loads of honey in it and apples.” As he just continued to stare at the bowl, she took the spoon from him and took a bite. “See? I'm still alive.” She scooped up another spoonful and offered it to him, and laughed again as Loki's green eyes shot wide with surprise.

Loki couldn’t think of the last time anyone had played with him. It bothered him that he couldn't remember. Then it bothered him that he cared enough to even _try_ and remember.

But he did try the oatmeal.

Later, with his stomach full, and warm for the first time in months, Loki was pleasantly drowsy, and took time to study the girl as she came back in the room with a small jar and a towel tossed over one shoulder. She was wearing the blue trousers that most Midgardians seemed so fond of, and a thin woolen shirt in a dark wine color that looked soft to the touch. She had the sleeves pushed up and had a silver cuff on her left wrist. Other than that she had wore none of the trappings that women seemed so fond of normally. Her dark hair was a mess of curls as she pushed a lock of it behind her ear, and it was then he saw the uneven texture of the scar that started at the underside of her wrist and disappeared under the sleeve of her shirt. He caught her hand in his and she froze in place when he turned her arm into the light and pushed her sleeve up. Loki turned the bracelet in his hand taking note of the inscription in the smooth metal, then ran his fingertips over the scar that marred her skin. It looked like someone had tried to peel the flesh off in a long strip. He had seen a warrior that had been skinned alive in battle once, and it had a similar look to it, and he was disgusted that a healer would have been abused so. It just proved that the people of Midgard were an uncivilized race, she should have been kept _safe_ and - .

It was all Rose could do not to yank her arm away from him when he grabbed her, but his grip was surprisingly gentle. She knew what it looked like, could guess what he was thinking even if she was trying to keep out of his thoughts. “I did it to myself.” Rose felt his shock at her words and made herself continue. “I was trying to … help someone, and I only made it worse.” She gently tugged her arm out of his grasp, pushing her sleeve down as she spoke. “It's a story for another time.”

Loki was puzzled at her words and thought for a moment to demand that she tell him, but then again, what did it matter to him why the girl would do such a thing? It mattered naught at all. He started to lie down again and winced at the pain. As he tried to peer over his shoulder to see the damage, he felt the bed shift as the girl sat down beside him. Rose held the jar up. “This will help with the pain. You're healing fast enough it's pulling the skin tight and making the pain worse.” He gave her a suspicious look, but slowly laid down again. At first he flinched at every movement as she carefully rubbed the salve around the edges of the wounds, but she felt him slowly start to relax.

“Why are you doing this?” Loki tilted his head so he could see her face. “We are strangers to one another. Why would Thor bring me here?”

“Would it make sense if I said I'm not really sure?” Rose wiped her hands on the towel as she considered her next words. “Maybe he thought I could help? Maybe it's because I live in the middle of nowhere, so if you decide to turn me into a smear on the wall it won't make the news.” She sighed, “Maybe because people think we both need to rejoin the world.”

“I do not need your or anyone else's help,” Loki said hotly. “I never asked Thor for his interference, and this is _not_ my world as you put it.” He felt a wave of dizziness as he tried to sit up and ignored it, shoving her hand away from him when she tried to steady him. Then he grabbed her by the arm and gave her hard shake. “What possible reason could you have to aid me?” He saw her eyes widen as she tried to pull away from him and couldn’t get free, and for the first time she looked afraid of him. He bared his teeth at her. “I am the _nightmare_ people tell their children of you ignorant girl.”

She narrowed her eyes at him and then a wave of magic crackled against his skin like a static charge on a cold day and was just as quickly gone as he watched her all the color drain from her face, and Loki was suddenly disgusted with himself. He truly was no better than an animal if he would lay hands on a _seiðkonur_ , a magic user of her ability. He let her go, and she stumbled back away from the bed and almost fell in her haste to get away from him. She stood trembling in the doorway for a moment with tears sparkling in her grey eyes, and then she fled the room without a backward glance. Loki told himself he was glad, that she would now know better than to try and befriend him.

He almost believed the lie. Almost.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose tells Loki a story, and Loki gains some understanding.
> 
>  
> 
> Warning!!! There is a very brief mention of the rape of a child in this chapter, so please don't read if it could be a trigger for you!

_"The thing that is important is the thing that is not seen."_

~ Antoine de-Saint Exupéry

* * *

 Rose ran out of the room and didn't stop until she was outside, where she promptly slipped and fell on her ass on the slick wood of the porch. She just sat there for a minute, letting the cold seep into her bones and taking deep breaths of the frigid air, and tried to calm the hell down. She was absolutely disgusted with herself that she'd let him get to her like that, because she knew he'd think that it was who he was that had freaked her out so badly, and it couldn't be further from the truth. She gotten enough of what he was thinking to tell that he thought if he could drive her away, anger her enough, _scare_ her enough, that she would have Thor come and get him.

 Or that he would be punished for his behavior, she felt that part of him was yearning for the pain, for absolution. For an end to it.

 “Well, fuck that,” she said aloud as she stood up. It had been years since she had voluntarily touched another's thoughts, and yet when she'd first woken up she had linked her mind to Loki's like it had been the most natural thing in the world. Like he was _hers_. And then she’d felt the long denied surge of energy that had sizzled between them, the loss of her control, and it had scared her to death.

 “This is _sooo_ not good,” she muttered as she rubbed her eyes. Then she stepped off the porch and tipped her face up to the rain, letting the freezing cold stealing her breath as she thought of all the reasons why she should stay away. And all the reasons why she knew she wouldn't.

* * *

 Loki closed his eyes as he listened to the soft pattering of the rain. He would not feel guilty about what he had done to the girl, that he had driven her away was for the best, and if he had made her fearful of him now, well, it was a good thing. He would be glad of it, he thought. Then he willed himself to sleep. He woke later to the sound of the windows being pelted by rain that had turned into ice, and judging by the light coming through the window, he had slept for most of the day. He listened for sounds from the girl, but other than the low hiss of sleet against the glass, he heard nothing.

 He slowly sat up, ignoring the immediate surge of pain in his back, and took a good look around the room. The furniture was simple, but of high quality. The wood of the bed and armoire were stained a dark reddish-brown. The covering on the bed was done in all shades of shadowy-grey, and was silky and warm to the touch. There were pictures of what he assumed was her brother on the wall, other than the difference in height, they looked remarkably alike. Pictures of the two of them with older people, that looked to be their parents. He noticed in the more recent looking pictures that the easy smiles were gone, and there was a subtle distance between the girl and the others.

 There was a black and white picture of her standing next to a tree that had been rent almost in two by a lightning strike, she had her palm on the tree where the long jagged mark ran the length of it and was looking back over her shoulder at whoever was holding the camera. The lack of color made her pale eyes almost glow against the contrasting shadow and light, and her expression was serious, almost sad.

 He got up and made his way over the fireplace and took a couple of logs from the neat stack and tossed them on the fire. As he watched the flames crackle to life he wondered if she would still dare to look at him like he mattered to her, and Loki closed his eyes and cursed himself for every kind of fool.

 Then he stiffened as he heard the soft tread of the girl behind him, and watched her approach out of the corner of his eyes. She still had the scent of the outdoors in her damp hair and she was shivering as she walked over to the fireplace and stood next to him, holding her hands out to warm them before she spoke, and yet when she did, she said nothing he expected her to.

 “You asked me why I was doing this,” Rose said softly. “Why I would help you? It’s because I know what it's like to have your life shattered and know that nothing will ever be the same again.” Rose held up her scarred arm, then lifted the hem of her shirt to show a massive scar that ran from just below her rib-cage diagonally across to her hip.

 He looked from the scar to her face with the question plain in his eyes.

 “I was so damn arrogant, so damn sure that I knew everything at the time.” Rose sighed and let her shirt drop. “I had all the plans. I was going to school to become a doctor, heal the sick with my magical powers and all that rah-rah bullshit.” She kept her eyes on the fire as she spoke and her voice didn't waver. “I was doing great on the doctor part of it. Could feel what I could do get stronger every day. I had an apartment in the city, it was just a small room in this old house that had been converted into a apartments, and I had the best neighbors, Jim and Sara, and their six year-old daughter Katie.”

 Now was the hard part, the part that after all this time still made her breath hitch in her throat and her eyes burn with tears.

 "I got to know them really well after a while and I used to watch Katie when her mom would run errands, or just for fun. She was one of those kids that just made you happy to be around, she had these big brown eyes, and long red hair. A wicked sense of humor and she was hell-on-wheels. And I loved her.” Rose made herself look at Loki then. “I had gone to pick her up to go ice-skating, and her uncle answered the door. He'd stayed with them before, so at first I didn't think anything was strange about it. He told me that Katie wasn’t feeling well, so he was watching her while her parents went out for dinner, and I could see in his mind what he was planning to do to her.”

 Rose swallowed hard. “I should just run for help, should have screamed until someone came to see what was wrong, but instead I told him to leave her alone. That I knew what he was thinking.” She laughed, but there was no humor in it. “He moved pretty damn fast then, because he grabbed me and bounced my head off the wall.”

 She held up her arm, the scar standing out in bold relief against her pale skin. “The next thing I knew, I woke up handcuffed to a pipe in the basement of the building. All I could feel was this sense of wonderment from him, that I could read his mind. He kept asking me to read his mind, to tell him what he was thinking. And I did, I read his mind until he had had enough and then he raped her, over and over again while she cried and screamed for me to help her.”

 “I must have cut myself pulling against the handcuff, because when he came back he was mad about all the blood. Then he got out the knife that he'd killed her with and he gutted me with it. Said a thing like me should never be able to have children, to bring another monster like me into the world.”

 Rose saw his eyes narrow at her words. “You're not a monster Loki. I've _seen_ a monster, and you’re not even close.”She watched as his pale face flooded with color a split-second before he erupted in a fury.   

  _“Do not presume to think you know **anything** about me!"_  Loki yanked her against him as he screamed at her. She put her hands out to catch herself as she crashed into his chest, but stayed silent and let him rage at her.

 “I should have killed them _both_ while I had the chance. He lied to me my whole life, their pet _monster_. I was but nothing more than a _trophy_ of war to him.”

 And all the things that he could not tell came out in wild rush of pain.

 “After I fell, Thanos fed upon my rage, giving me the sceptre,” Loki could not stop the words as they poured from him now, “I was his for the taking, and even as the world was burning down around me and Thor begged me to stop, I could not.”

 Rose didn’t think that Loki was even aware that he was weeping as he spoke or that he was shaking with grief, and she felt her heart break a little for him.

 “How can I ever go home? They will hate me forever for the things that I have done.” Loki's voice trailed off to a broken whisper as he sank to his knees.

 Rose dropped down next to him, hesitated for a long moment and then carefully tugged him into her arms. He stiffened against her, then all the fight slowly went out of him and he let her hold him.

 “Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in,” Rose quoted the Frost poem softly.

 Loki had his head on her leg letting her smooth the hair back from his face, and he huffed out a bitter laugh at her words. “They have to take you in?” he questioned. “Does any part of that mean as their prisoner?”

 Rose choked out a laugh. “Um, I don’t think that was quite what they were going for,but here’s our game-plan. First, we’re going to get you better, and then I'm going to figure out how to undo this binding spell and get your magic working again. I don’t think it's doing you any favors being cut off from it like this, and then we can work on the rest of it.”

 The look of shock on his face would have been funny, if she didn't know the real reason behind it now.

 “Why, are you afraid it's going to make me crazier to be without it?” Loki's tone was dry as he rolled his eyes up to meet hers.

 Rose slowly shook her head, then made a sad face at him. “No, I don’t think that's even possible.”

 Loki's eyes shot wide with outrage before he caught her teasing tone, then his mouth curved up in a reluctant smile. “I'm not sure what it says about your own sanity that you would want to return unlimited power to a murderer.”

 Rose gave a short laugh at that. “Truer words have probably never been spoken. But I'm going to do it anyway." She leaned over and kissed his cheek, smiling at the look of surprise on his face.

 She'd kissed him, Loki thought. She knew what he'd done and yet she still …he couldn't help himself then, he kissed her back. Her grey eyes widened slightly in surprise, and then she returned the gift, brushing soft lips against his before pulling back.

 Rose felt hot color burning her face as she watched Loki give her a self-satisfied smirk, so she just had to kiss him again, didn't she? As they broke for air, she rubbed her cheek against his, then got to her feet and offered him a hand. “My bother is going to be here any minute. He's a much stronger healer than I am anymore, after we get you feeling better physically, then we can work on the magic part of it.”

* * *

 Loki was disgusted with how quickly his strength seemed to run out with his magic being inhibited, but had been able to do little other than lie down and wait. Rose had told him her brother would be there soon, and while he did not want to meet the boy lying down, it seemed a better choice than falling on his face in front of him. That she had said her brother was more adept at healing than she was any longer was telling.

 That once, before the child had been murdered she was able to do as much. He had seen such things before of course. None were spared in times of war, and while the rape of children had not been unheard of, only the very worst of animals would commit such an atrocity.

 He wondered how she had killed him. If she ever regretted it.

* * *

 Rose was sitting on the couch when her brother came in. Grady had a suitcase in each hand and a duffle bag slung over his right shoulder and all of them looked like they were bursting at the seams.

 “Holy shit. Is there anything left at your place or did you just go ahead and bring everything you own?” Then she flung herself at him, letting her brother spin her around as best he could laden down with luggage.

 “Don't bitch, Rosie. You were the one said to bring clothes, food, and booze.” Grady shoved a bag at her as he dropped the other two on the floor. “Take this, and I'm gonna grab the food-alcohol portion of this evenings entertainment. Then you can tell me why you have an alien in your room. You know, the guy who tried to destroy the world as we know it.”

 Rose grinned at him. “Didn't you hear? It's what all the cool kids are doing. C'mon, I think there was a rumor about food. Then you can meet the alien.”  

 “Did you bring pizza?” she asked, then laughed at the snotty look he gave her.

 “Never doubt my powers, little sis. Of course there's pizza,” Grady answered with a smug smile.

 “Pineapple and jalapeño?” she asked hopefully.

 “Is there really any other kind?” Grady yanked her in for another hug. “I've missed you - even if you are the world's biggest pain in the ass.”

 Loki had seen the photographs that Rose had in her bedroom, but was still surprised how much the brother and sister looked alike. They would never be as he and Thor had while growing up when all and sundry remarked how dissimilar they were. Grady had his curly dark brown hair cut short, and they both shared the same large dove grey eyes. Rose was much smaller of course, her brother was of a similar height to himself. Loki had given the boy a cool look when Rose had introduced them, and he had the feeling that he was being sized up as well, for all that the young Midgardian male acted friendly enough. He had expected for her brother to be more reserved, what with who his sister had in her bed, but he had kept up an easy flow of lighthearted stories about what he'd been doing in school and work.

 After trying the pizza with both of them watching him curiously for his reaction _(it had been surprisingly good)_. Neither one seemed surprised he liked the beer her brother had brought with him. Rose had protested him drinking it at first but her brother called it a _necessary anesthetic_ , and after a brief mental argument between them you could almost _hear_ , she had grudgingly given in.

 After they had cleared away the dishes Grady had asked to see his back, and Loki had rolled onto his stomach letting Rose peel back the bandages.

 “Jesus Christ,” Grady whispered hoarsely, as his eyes widened with shock that he was glad the Norse god couldn't see. He'd hate to be turned into a cockroach because he couldn't keep his shit together any better than this.

 “Why was he beaten like this?” He’d directed his words to Rose, but Loki was the one who answered him.

 Loki's voice was matter-of-fact as he spoke. “Odin thought that my reign had lasted long enough, and it was time that I answered for my crimes.” He turned his head to meet Grady's eyes, not sure why he felt the need to defend anyone, least of all Odin. “Not all the people of Asgard are as you think them. If my … mother had not begged for leniency, what would have been done would make this seem naught but a scratch.”

 “But he's your father.” Grady wasn't faking the horror in his voice.

 “But he's not my father. Not really,” Loki said quietly. He resolutely turned his head away from the look of pity he was receiving and tried not to think on it.

 Rose grabbed her brother by the shoulder, and gave him a look that had shut-the-hell-up written all over it. Grady gave her a raised brow, then proved his lack of stupidity by actually getting the hint for once.

 “Now go ahead and heal him, and then I can tell you what else you can help me with.” Rose gave Grady a big fake smile. He made a disgusted face as he rolled his eyes at her, but gave her a nod all the same before he turned to face Loki again.

 He held a hand up so Loki could see it, then slowly touched his shoulder. Grady narrowed his eyes in concentration, and Rose could see the skin and muscle slowly start to re-knit itself when Grady pulled back with a yelp, shaking his hand like he'd been burned, and his grey eyes were wide as he gave a nervous laugh.

 “Well, that didn't go quite like I expected it to.”

 “What the hell happened?” Rose demanded.

 Grady raised an eyebrow, and shook his hand as he spoke. “His magic may be suppressed, but trust me, it's there. It didn't like me touching him like that."

 At Rose's look of confusion he elaborated. “Not as much a physical touch as a mental one. His body rejected what his magic perceives as a threat.”

 “I did not--,'" Loki said, then paused and thought about it. “It was nothing I meant to do.”

 “No, it was more of an instinctual thing I think,” Grady said thoughtfully, then gave Rose a wicked smile. “Shit, I want to try again.”

 Rose ignored the excited look on Grady's face at the idea of a challenge. “Then why did it work for me? I mean I couldn't really heal the cuts, but I could remove pain from him easily enough.”

 Grady gave his sister a gleeful smile as he stared right at her when he answered, “Well, if I had to guess, either he doesn’t look at you like a potential enemy, or he trusts you on some level.”

 At the look of shock on both Loki and Rose's faces, he couldn't help but prod them both a little more. “More like your magic is compatible with his in some way that he recognizes,” he said with an innocent look on his face which he immediately ruined the effect of by laughing.

 “You want your alien healed, you’re going to have to be the one to do it.” Grady said matter-of-factly, and pretended he didn’t see the look of horror Rose was giving him as he took a drink of his beer.

 Rose decided that there was no way she could have heard that right. “I can’t do it.”

 “Yes, you can. You took away his pain and you can heal his wounds faster than I ever could because your healing ability has always been stronger than mine. You’re just scared.” Grady said. “And if you’d stop punishing yourself for a minute, you’d know I’m right.”

 “What if I … what if I hurt him? I can’t --” Rose closed her eyes, then jumped when her brother took her hand in his.

 “You can do this Rose. You can,” Grady said.

 Rose looked at Loki who was watching the byplay with a curious look on his face, and she swallowed hard before she spoke. “Don’t let anything bad happen. Don’t let _me_ do anything bad,” she said before putting her hand on Loki's shoulder, then holding out her other one to her brother. Grady said nothing as he gripped her hand tightly, and then the world erupted in white-hot pain that had Rose biting her lip until she tasted blood.

 Loki saw all the color drain out of Rose's face, he started to pull back only to have her brother shake his head emphatically at him.

 “Don't. She needs to be the one to do this. She'll be fine.” Grady's voice was hoarse, but steady enough as he spoke.

 Rose watched the lash marks shrink until they were little more than angry red lines on Loki's pale skin before she finally pulled back. It was going to have to do because she was making a hollow pain-filled sound that had Loki giving her poor brother a look that promised bloody retribution. Then she lunged to her feet and ran for the bathroom, barely making the toilet in time to throw up everything she'd eaten for the last week. And possibly her spleen. God, it felt like someone had dipped all the nerves in her body in gasoline then lit them on fire. She felt gentle hands pull her hair back, and laughed weakly. “Too late, I think I already shellacked it.”

 She turned her head to meet Loki's confused eyes. “Somehow I bet this is a first for you.” And then her eyes rolled up in her head as she passed out.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki learns more about Rose, and watches some television. Some Norse myths are mocked, and a kiss happens!

_“I knew nothing but shadows and I thought them to be real.”_

~ Oscar Wilde

* * *

 Loki carried Rose back to her room. When she had fainted he'd barely caught her before she would have hit her head on the tile floor, and then she'd gone totally limp in his arms. The way her brother did not seem alarmed at all by this made Loki think that this was not an abnormal thing, and something in his chest pulled tight at the thought of her being hurt like this before.

Grady watched as the God of Mischief carried Rose to her room _( now there was a phrase he never thought he'd use in a sentence)_ and carefully laid her down on the bed. He saw Loki frown when he pulled the blankets up and she moaned in her sleep, but what he thought was much more interesting was how gently the Norse god brushed her hair back from her face, and he grinned at Loki’s back - it looked like Rose had made herself a special new friend.

“She'll be okay.” Grady didn't flinch at the hostile look that Loki pinned him with, but it was a near thing. It drove home in spades that this was the being that not so long ago would have rather destroyed the world than live in it with humans. The only thing that kept him from being completely creeped the hell out was the fact that there was no way Rose would have helped him if she thought he was going to run right out and lay waste to the planet after he was back on his feet. Plus, he could always read his mind if he really needed to - though in retrospect the way his healing attempt had gone, he might end up scrambling both their brains instead.

“If you'd lay with her it would help.” Grady choked on his beer, laughing at the shocked expression on Loki's face at his words. “Uh, not the way you're thinking. I meant sleep with her, and I only mean sleep - because dude, she’s my sister.”

“Why would that be of any help to her?” Loki demanded suspiciously. Grady shrugged. “Because your magic likes hers. It's magic. Just because. Pick any reason that you like. You're over a thousand years old, you should know it doesn’t always make sense.”

Loki thought the boy had a point - sometimes there was no rhyme or reason to the way magic reacted. It just was. “Why did that hurt her so badly? She said that she wasn’t able to heal any longer.” It wasn't exactly what Rose had told him, but he wanted to know and wasn’t above using a small subterfuge to get an answer.

Grady just raised a eyebrow, then smirked at him. “Can't lie to a mind reader. It's not my story to tell. You should really ask her about it.”

Loki shot him a cool look and said, “But I am asking you.” He then gave Rose's brother a smile that was mostly teeth and waited.

“She told you about Katie?” Grady asked finally, then sighed when Loki nodded at him. “Rose killed the uncle while he was cutting her up. Exploded his heart and most of his brain for him.” He scrubbed weary hand over his face, then continued talking, “She was a fucking mess afterwards, both mentally and physically. He’d cuffed her to a pipe in the basement and she’d broken her arm and peeled half the skin off it trying to get loose. She almost bled out before they got her to a hospital, and then when she got out that was when SHIELD got a hold of her. That fucking prick Fury used her as a human lie detector, and I think as their way to get rid of some really bad guys without leaving any evidence behind. I mean heart-attacks and strokes are both natural causes of death, right?”

Grady looked at the blank television screen as if it were going to give him answers before speaking again, “She'd come home to stay with our parents, and our mom had something of what we have.” He pointed to his temple, indicating the mental ability the two of them shared. “Mom was only trying to help Rose, but Rose, she didn’t feel she deserved help, didn’t want it, and then …well … long story short, Rose almost killed her. It wasn't on purpose, they'd gotten in an argument and she just lost control, but she damaged something in her brain and our mom never recovered from it.”

“Go check on her, will you?” Grady asked abruptly, then stood up and walked towards the kitchen.

Loki wanted to snarl at him for giving him orders, but had seen the sheen of tears in the boy's eyes as he left the room, so he got up to check on Rose without comment. She hadn't moved from where he'd lain her and he took a moment to study the girl as she slept. She had told him that they shared some common ground which he had denied it in a fit of rage, but found he could do so no longer. It would seem that they both had done things that they could never forgive themselves for, he thought.

Then he slowly laid down on top of the blankets and wrapped an arm around her, and because she wouldn't know, he let himself trace a finger over the delicate arch of her brow, starting when her breath ghosted over the back of his hand as she turned in her sleep. He told himself that he felt nothing when she curled into him and just tightened his arms more securely around her thinking that he would allow himself this one moment of weakness. Just this once, he told himself as he closed his eyes.

* * *

 Rose slowly opened her eyes and had a minute of thinking - _where-the-hell-am- I_ \- and then it all comes rushing back to her. The last thing she remembered was Loki talking to her in the bathroom while she sat on the floor with puke in her hair - praying that she’d just _die_ already, because dear God, what if she had really hurt him instead of healing him, and that fear had her on her feet and stumbling out of her room.

Grady and Loki were drinking beer and watching what looked like some sort of _Girls Gone Wild_ type of reality show that made her shake her head at her little brother’s viewing choice, and she was almost giddy with relief until she saw Loki wince in pain as he leaned over to set his beer bottle down and then something inside of her just crumpled and died as she rushed over to him.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Please let me see.” She was yanking frantically at Loki’s shirt, ignoring his protestations, and was trying to pull it up to see the damage when Grady grabbed her arms.

“Rose, stop. He’s all right. You didn’t hurt him . He’s fine,” Grady said loudly as he gave her shoulders a quick shake. “You didn’t -”

“I could have killed him!” And after all that Loki had suffered, and now she’d hurt him. Her heart was hammering in her chest, and she couldn’t breathe, she could feel her brother’s mind brush against hers in an effort to calm her and she batted Grady’s hands away with a ragged moan.

“Don’t touch me! Haven’t you learned anything? I have managed to break every single thing I touch, and you know it. I’d say you could ask Mom about that, but oh wait, you can’t ask her anything anymore because of what I’ve done to her,” Rose screamed at him, and then immediately regretted it at the raw look of pain on her little brother’s face, and then Grady got up and walked out of the room without saying anything, and she just wanted to die from shame as she started to cry.

Loki’s first reaction to the girl’s manhandling of him had been anger, until he realized that she thought she had harmed him in some fashion and he found his ire melting away in the face of her heartbreak. The mortal had been unexpectedly kind to him, and now she was grieving over some imagined transgression, and the sight of her crying, _reluctantly,_ prodded him into going to her.

He ignored her attempts to push him away, and he picked her up and then sat back down with her in his lap and held her while she cried against his chest. A faint memory from his long ago, memories of Frigga soothing him in the night as a child, had him stroking her hair and murmuring nonsensical things to her softly as she wept.

“Your worries are ungrounded. I assure you, I am quite well,” Loki said, after she had quieted in his arms. He felt a fleeting sense of disbelief from her as she instinctively reached for his thoughts and then just as quickly pulled herself back, and he gave an aggrieved sigh and shifted her to the side and stood up.

“If my word does not suffice for you, Rose, then I will show you.” Loki felt something twist uncomfortably in his chest at the look of abject misery on her face. He pulled the shirt over his head and turned his back to her, letting her see that he was unharmed from her healing magic. He heard her stand, and it took more control than was pretty to stay still under her hands when he felt her fingers lightly brush over the healing marks on his skin, but he let her trace the fading lines without protest before he turned to face her once more.

“There is no need for such foolishness. You have seen that I am well and I -” He watched her pale eyes fill with fresh tears, and when one trailed down her cheek he sighed and pulled her into his arms again. “I should be thanking you for the healing, not consoling you for some imagined suffering you think that you have caused,” he said at last.

Loki rubbed his cheek over the silk of her hair, then pressed a kiss to the top of her head and took her by the shoulders and pulled back so he could see her face. He tipped her chin up with a finger so she was forced to meet his eyes, and was relieved when it didn’t bring on a new wave of tears. “You should be more honoured by this, Lady Rose. I have never before been brought so low or found myself in such an unfortunate situation where I had to offer my gratitude to a mere mortal girl,” he said with a smirk that changed to a genuine smile when his jibe had the desired effect when she huffed a brief laugh and rolled her eyes at him.

“Thank you, and I’m sorry for going crazy like that,” Rose said as she wrapped her arms around his waist to hug him, and leaned against his solid warmth. She felt Loki’s muscles tense - but after another sigh he enfolded her in his arms and returned the embrace.

“I need to talk to Grady. The things I said … That was beyond horrible.” Rose ran a hand through the tangled mess of her hair, idly wondered if there was still puke in the ends of it and didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. “And then get a shower, because I’m just gross now.”

 Loki choked back a laugh at that, and gave her a regal nod of the head. “By all means then, go and cleanse yourself.”

* * *

 “You better now?” Grady asked her without turning around when he heard the door open behind him.

Rose walked over to where he was sitting on the porch steps and sat beside him before answering. “I am so sorry, Grady. I didn’t mean to say any of that.”

“Don’t you think I know I almost lost you too? That I couldn’t see it in your thoughts, hear it in your voice every single time we talked.” He turned and looked at her then, and Rose could see the tears standing in his eyes. “I know you never meant to hurt her -” he held up his hand when she started to interrupt, “I get that you were grieving and angry, but you never would have hurt her on purpose. You should never have had to listen to Dad try and lay all that bullshit on you.”

“I took the love of his life away from him. He loved us - but she was his whole world. He’ll hate me for the rest of his life and I understand,” Rose said feeling a tear run down her cheek as she looked at her brother. “You never blamed me for it, and you should have. I took her away from you too.”

“You blamed yourself enough,” Grady said simply as he looped his arm over her shoulders and gave her a squeeze. “And you know mom would have kicked his ass for all the horrible shit he’s said to you.”

“You need to start living again.” He cocked his head to the side and smiled at her. “You healed again - and not only that, you healed a freaking _god_ , you badass.”

Rose covered her face with her hands and gave a muffled laugh. “I was so scared, and then I thought I’d done more damage and I couldn’t stand it, and I am so sorry for all the things I said to you.”

“I know you were scared, and I also know that you would never have hurt him,” Grady paused and gave her a sly smile. “You should have seen the look on his face when you passed out and he carried you to your room - Rosie made herself a new friend.”

It was dark enough that Grady couldn’t see her blush, but he laughed just the same as he stood and pulled her to her feet and gave her a hug. “Let’s go back in. I’m freezing my balls off out here, and Rose, do me a favour.”

“Yeah, what?”

“Take a shower - you nasty girl.” Grady laughed when she punched him lightly on the arm and tugged her towards the door.

* * *

After getting said shower, and then cringing at her reflection in the steamy mirror, _(she’d seen corpses that looked better when she’d done a morgue rotation at the hospital)_ and then getting dressed in some clean clothes, Rose walked out to see that Loki and Grady were once again sitting on her couch, still drinking beer and now were watching the chest-burster scene in the movie _Alien_.

She wondered about the movie choice, then saw the giant stack of videos that Grady had evidently piled up on the table for Loki’s adventures in Midgardian pop-culture, with _Avatar_ right on top _(the little pecker had evidently read her mind)_ and she gave it a quick shove and knocked it behind the end table. _So not going there_ , she thought.

Rose just shook her head as she watched them watch the movie. It shouldn't have surprised her that Loki would get along with her brother - Grady was a just tribble like that - everyone usually liked him. The movie choice seemed a tad odd, but compared to the insanity of the rest of the day, odd was kind of a relative term at this point.

Loki looked revolted by the spectacle on the television screen. “Why do they not kill the parasite? _(The group of people on the tv screen looked on in shock as the little alien ran_ _from the room)_ And why would you humans think that a creature hatching out of someone’s body like that is entertaining to watch?”

Grady shook his head, then gave Loki a long considering look that from years of experience Rose knows well cannot bode well, and sure enough, her little brother doesn’t disappoint with his answer. “You know, it's probably for the same fucked up reason people record their babies being born. No matter how much it freaks you out, it’s like a train wreck, you just can’t look away from it.” He took a long swallow of his beer. “I mean who wants to see their wife's vag stretched out like that? It's just gross.”

Rose can see Loki turning over her brother's words, she has a feeling some of Grady's more colourful use of slang he wouldn't get, but she could tell the second he worked it out because his eyes widened slightly before he huffed out a laugh.

Dear God, she could only picture all the new things her brother could teach the people of Asgard if he ever visited there.

“Grady, you are such a class-act,” she said dryly. She noticed that Loki had turned immediately at the sound of her voice, giving her a quick once-over before looking away without saying anything. Grady had also evidently shown Loki where the other bathroom was as well, and had given him some different clothes - because the God of Mischief and Lies was now wearing a University of West Virginia t-shirt, and a faded pair of jeans, his still damp hair hanging in glossy black waves past his shoulders.

Grady looked over his shoulder at her then said, “Such is the magic that is me.” He gave her a exaggerated thumbs up and a big shit-eating grin after he decided she was doing better now. “And in the interest of that statement, we’re all glad you took a shower too.”

Rose gave him the Charlie Sheen _winning_ hand sign as she walked over, and then the finger because taking crap from your little brother was never cool, and sat with them. Loki obligingly moved over for her, and Grady handed her his beer. Rose took a drink, then shuddered and covered her face with her hands. “This part always scared the shit out of me.” They watched as Tom Skerritt's character looked in the dark tunnels for the alien, and Rose peeked through her fingers just in time to see the alien attack _(all three of them_ _jumped)._

Rose ends up falling asleep and wakes sometime later to find her head on Loki’s thigh and her feet in Grady’s lap and they are both sound asleep, and smiles before closing her eyes and dozing back off.

* * *

 Her brother is on winter-break from college and ends up staying with them for four weeks before heading to their parents house, and it’s about two weeks too long for Rose. She loves her brother, but he is a such a damn slob, and the mess is making her nuts. Watching his antics with Loki makes up for some of it, and at times she’s still surprised that her brother lived through it - though she thought it was a near thing for Grady when he’d asked Loki about Sleipnir, and the whole horse-myth thing.

But it had been really funny.

Grady had been naturally curious about the god who was currently living with his sister, and had been reading Rose's book on Norse mythology. His head popped up from the book at one point with a horrified look. “Oh my God, did you really fuck a horse? Cause that is some messed up shit if you did.” He'd given Loki speculative look. “Well, maybe if you were a horse too it wouldn’t be so freaky.”

Loki had turned away from the computer _(Grady had also shown him the internet)_ and was just staring at him with murder in his eyes, then Grady had given Loki an evil grin before saying, “Nope, that is just fucked way up no matter how you look at it.”

Rose watched Loki as his eyes narrowed to green slits, and prayed that he wasn't going to turn Grady into a bloody smear on her floor.

“I did not **_fuck_** a horse.” Loki said before getting up and stalking in the room.

Rose snickered thinking about it, she supposed she should be grateful that he didn't have his magic back and her brother was still alive (and not turned into a lower form of life) and breathing.

Then the thing with the drinking happened. Loki had said that alcohol on Midgard wasn't strong enough to get a god well and truly drunk when Grady had asked him about Asgardian culture - so Grady had naturally viewed it as a challenge and had given him some of the home-brew that their grandfather had made.

Rose had taken in the sight of her brother lying face-down on the floor, and Loki sprawled out on the couch and just shook her head. The latter was pressing the heels of his hands to his temples like he'd been trying to keep his brains from falling out. She'd nudged her brother with her toe. “What the hell did you give him to drink?”

Grady hadn't answered aloud, and he just pointed in the direction of the plain brown bottle sitting on the table.

“Dear God, it's a miracle you don’t have brain damage,” she said with a laugh.

At that Loki had dropped his hands and opened one horribly bloodshot eye. “I think that may be up for debate.” He nodded in Grady's direction. “If I feel this badly, how is it he is even still alive?”

Rose shrugged helplessly and tried really hard not to laugh at the pained expression on Loki's face. “Because he's Grady.” Her brother responded to that saying that Rose could drink him under the table and Loki just shook his head before closing his eyes again.

Loki was starting to show flashes of the humour that Thor spoke of when he had first told Rose about him. He was extremely curious about everything that he hadn't encountered before, and had read most of her extensive book collection, and it didn't matter to him what it was - except for possibly her mythology book which had vanished off the face of the earth _(after the horse incident_ ) and when Grady had asked if they had seen it, Loki had adopted a look of angelic innocence as he denied culpability.

Rose shuddered to think what her next bill would be like for cable - they'd watched every movie in the world that Grady had thought was necessary for Loki to see, and they'd settled into a kind of weird routine. She and Grady would take turns cooking the meals - Grady had tried to teach Loki to cook _(this idea had been met with a look of utter_ _disdain)_ but hadn't had much luck with it.

Loki kicked both their asses on regular basis at chess - she had beaten him once, but only by reading his mind and cheating as much as possible. She would have thought he'd have been pissed about it, but instead he had seemed impressed by the devious amount of thought that she'd put into beating him.

They took long walks around her property as they got to know one another, and Rose could see Loki relax more each day as he settled into his stay with her. He told her endless stories about Asgard and about the other realms without all the prompting she’d initially had to do, and no matter what they were doing she had _fun_. And if she was going to be really honest, at least with herself, she liked just being with him. He was unbelievably smart, and had a wicked sense of humor and, oh God, she really liked him way too much now for her own good.

Rose knew that had Thor really believed that his brother would be better off without his magical abilities, at least for now - but she couldn’t disagree more. Loki was lost without his sorcery. He never said anything to indicate how much it bothered him, but she saw the way he would reach for a spell and not be able to complete it, and then the look of utter frustration on his face that he was quick to cover up.

It was making her more determined than ever to help him, which led to her next conversation with Grady. “What do you think is the best way to get way to get his magic hooked up?” She ignored the way Grady was bugging his eyes out at her in exaggerated horror at her words.

“Do you really think that's the best idea? If I remember right it was only a year ago that he was imprisoned after he blew up a town, and then tried to re-Hitler Germany.”

“I know what it's like to be cut off from yourself like that.” She held up a hand to hold off Grady's comment to that and gave him a bright fake smile. “And before you say a word, I’m all better now, remember?”

“Alright, alright, but you're going to have to be the one to talk him into letting his guard down enough for me to read him and see what's blocking him.” Grady's face got serious again. “I don’t think that whatever block that was put on his magic is the issue anymore, I think that he's fighting it.”

“But why? You can see he's lost without out it.” Rose shook her head at him. “It doesn’t make sense.”

“Best guess? He's afraid of something.” Grady gave Rose a deliberately blank look. “I'd think that you could relate to that.”

“Wow, your psyche classes are really paying off now,” Rose said sarcastically.

Grady held his hands up in a gesture for peace, then pulled her into a hug and kissed the top of her head. “I can try and help him - but I think you’d have better luck with that than I will, and you’re going to be the one to tell him about your little plan.” He grinned down at his sister then. “Let me know how the talk about having me poke around in his head goes.”

Not real well was the answer to that. Loki would not relent about letting Grady do anything at all to him that related to reading his thoughts. Grady still thought that Rose would have better luck on her own _(sticking with his statement that Loki's magic had an affinity for hers_ ) and had left to go home for Christmas. So now it was just Rose and Loki again, and things were getting a little tense between them.

Loki could feel his magic just under the surface of his consciousness, and like a slippery fish it kept twisting its way out of his grasp. Rose had explained that she and her brother were going to try and help him _(though he could not understand their reasoning behind it)_ and they did try. Grady had said before he’d left that he thought that the only thing hindering him was Loki himself now, and had offered ideas as to how he might access his magic again. The idea was ludicrous of course, the boy obviously did not know what he was talking about - but he had tried over and over, until the pain of it made it feel like his head was going to split in two. The look of sympathy that Rose had given him was almost his undoing, and it had taken more effort than it should have not to lash out in her in a blind fury - not that she hadn't picked the errant thought from his mind anyway, and had given him a stony look in turn.

He felt a reluctant smile tug at his mouth at the memory of it - at the time he had thought the people of Midgard were fortunate that Rose did not have god-like powers herself because she might well have razed it to the ground in a fit of temper.

Loki was watching the snow as it continued to fall out the window, and heard the sound of Rose coming in the front door. He turned to see her struggle with a load of firewood and silently crossed the room and took it from her - ignoring her words of thanks and stacked it neatly by the fireplace. The cold had leant a flush of color to her cheeks, and she gave Loki a warm smile that made him forget himself and smile at her in turn before he could stop himself.

Then he just stood and stared as she silently held her hand out to him - until all of his confusion boiled over - and he couldn't bear it anymore and he asked her the question that had been preying on his mind for weeks. “I do not understand why you would help me like this,” he said softly. He knew he sounded like a petulant child that kept asking _why_ \- but he could not comprehend the reasoning behind it at all. He had almost destroyed her world and yet this mere slip of a girl treated him as if he had worth, as if he had value to her. And he did not understand why.

Rose felt the conflict roil through him, and just continued to hold her hand out to him, likening it to approaching a half-wild animal. They remembered enough from their life before that some part of them still longed for the contact, but after being too long alone was wary enough to be suspicious of it as well.

“I think I have an idea that will work this time,” she said smiling up at him. She saw the suspicion in his eyes and finally exasperated, said, “Now give me your damn hand and quit being such a drama-princess.” She knew he didn't get the exact meaning of the slang term - but obviously, the meaning of coward translated itself in any language, because he took her hand and yanked her hard against him, making her laugh at the sudden move and the affronted look on his face. Then she stood on her tiptoes, cradled his face in her hands and watched his green eyes widen in disbelief at her, and then she kissed him.

Loki drew back in shock and just stared down her. Rose's grey eyes were sparkling with mirth and her cheeks were still pink from the cold, and then despite all of his misgivings, he kissed her back. For a minute all he could feel was the heat of her mouth under his, and the warm affection that she felt for him as she linked her mind seamlessly with his and then it was like a turning a key in a lock. He felt a blinding sense of joy from Rose that puzzled him and then Loki broke the off the kiss with a gasp as he realized that he'd read her thoughts - and then it was like he stepped off the edge of the world.He felt his magic returning in a blinding rush that sizzled along his nerve-endings, making him cry out at the searing pleasure-pain of it and he dimly heard Rose calling his name as collapsed to his knees, and then the world faded to black.

Rose had felt Loki’s magic return in surge that set her teeth on edge, and thought for one heart-stopping second that it had killed him until she saw the steady rise and fall of his chest. She closed her eyes in relief, then dropped to her knees and leaned over to kiss his cheek. His eyes popped open at the touch, scaring a surprised shriek out of her and Loki quickly sat up and was completely wild-eyed, and staring at her like he'd never seen her before as she slowly reached out and ran her fingers along the side of his face, then she froze in place as he captured her hand in his. Rose had a wild urge to laugh at the look on his face - the green in his eyes was nothing but a thin ring around his dilated pupils and she kept waiting for him to say something _(like far-out or this is some good shit)_ but he said nothing as he mutely studied her fingers like he'd never seen a hand before. She couldn't resist and tugged her hand free and cupped his cheek in her hand again, brushing her thumb along his jaw. He leaned into her touch with a soft sigh as he closed his eyes before pressing a soft kiss into her palm and she got a brief flash of his thoughts, of the joy and relief he felt. And she leaned in and kissed him, opening her mind wide to his and letting him feel how happy she was for him and his green-eyes shot wide with surprise.

Loki gave a ragged moan and then he licked a wet line from her collarbone to her mouth, nipping at her skin as she tangled her fingers in his hair and then he pulled her in for a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank all of you that have read this, and left kudos. It gave me the biggest thrill and a huge girly-boner! Also - the rating is going to get bumped up to explicit on the next chapter because ... stuff is going to happen...
> 
> I lurve all of you!!!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are said, lots of angsty things ... And then I changed the rating to explicit because I porned!

_"Remember tonight, for it is the beginning of always."_

~ Danté Alighieri

* * *

 

Loki groaned low in his throat as Rose tangled her hands in his hair while he kissed her, and for just a moment let himself forget everything -- everything but the enthralling feel of her in his arms, and then the enormity of what he had just done hit with all the force of a fist to the heart. This was not who he was. He was not _Thor_ to become enamored so with a mortal. Yet to his utter mortification, he was shaking with the desire to pull Rose closer still -- until there was no Loki, no Rose, just the promise of what could be.

“This cannot happen.” His hands were wanting to tremble, and he clenches them into fists as he curses himself for the weakness. He could not have this with her -- not now, not ever. If she knew what he truly really was and what he had done, she would run, she would finally turn from him in disgust and he didn’t know if he could stand seeing such in her eyes.

“Loki,” Rose touched his arm. “It’s all right.”

“You must stop this now,” he pleads, knowing that she misunderstands even as the fierce need for her is still coursing through his blood. She caught his hand in hers twining their fingers together, and the kindness in her eyes undoes him completely -- and he pushes it all away, pushes her away and all that she offers him because he cannot have this.

“You will contact Thor and you will have him come and retrieve me. There is no point for me to continue to stay here with you.” He puts as much contempt in his voice that he can muster. “What is there that you could possibly help me with? I am Loki of Asgard, and I --”

“Am filled with glorious purpose?” Rose said dryly. “Next thing you're going to do is ask me to kneel, right?” She got to her feet and offered him a hand, which he ignored in favor of giving her a steely look, his green eyes gone almost black with anger as he glared at her. “You're going to have to try a little harder, Zod -- because the whole _kneel-before-me_ thing has been done way before you ever got to it.”

She sighed as he just remained stubbornly silent. “I get it, Loki. I understand what you’re trying do and I --”

“You know _nothing_! You are nothing! You are nothing to one such as I.” Loki gripped her by the shoulders, letting his fingers bite into her skin and the fact he could feel that he was hurting her, only served to underscore his thoughts that he was truly a vile thing. It drove him to his feet and then he turned on his heel and stalked from the room without looking back.

Rose heard the front door slam so hard that she was amazed he hadn't knocked it out of the frame. “Well shit, that just went wonderfully,” she muttered, then gave her much abused door that was now hanging slightly crooked, a sour look. “Stubborn asshole.”

* * *

 

Loki walks out into the snow and wishes not for the first time that Thanos had killed him. Or that Odin would have not decided to not just punish him and had executed him instead - but of course, there could be no messy scandal for the royal family of Asgard. Then he huffs out a derisive laugh at that, thinking that truly there could be little more shocking than the fact the second son of Asgard was one such as he -- the royal son of the Aesir's mortal enemies.

Better to lock away the animal than to have him brought before the golden glory of Asgard.

Better to hide him in the dungeons than to admit that Odin had brought a monster into their midst.

Loki bent down and gathered a handful of snow and then he lets his normally pale skin bleed to Jötunn blue. He doesn’t know who he hates more -- the monster that lives under his skin or Odin for revealing the lie to him.

_Monster._

* * *

 

Rose heard Loki come back in, followed by the sound of the bathroom door shutting and the shower coming on -- but after a minute of feeling odd flashes of pain from him, she got up and knocked lightly on the door and got no response. Rose deliberated for a minute, then opened the door with a shrug. How much angrier could he get at her right now, she thought as she walked into the warm wet steam of the bathroom. Then she frowned at the blistering wave of heat coming from the shower, it felt like he was trying to cook the flesh from his bones.

“Loki,” she called his name softly, then pulled up short at the sight of him sitting huddled on the floor of the shower with all his clothes still on. He had his head resting on his knees and was shuddering like he was freezing despite the scalding water. She could feel the heat coming off the water, and knew that if he'd been mortal it would have meant a night in the hospital. Rose reached in and turned the temperature to a more bearable level, then she walked in and sat next to him, leaning her head against his shoulder.

“C'mon, we need to talk,” she said softly, as she stroked the wet hair back from his face. “And yeah, I know you don't want to, but do me a favor and humor me.” Rose stood up and offered him a hand, which of course he ignored and got to his feet. Then she watched in open-mouthed wonder as his clothes shifted around him while he walked and his hair was suddenly dry.

“Magic is so cool,” she said with a grin.

Loki turned to her with a raised brow. “Most do not think so. On Asgard, it is a thing to be wary of.”

“Well, now you're with me and I think it's pretty cool.” She gave him a questioning look. “Could you dry mine too?”

Startled but oddly pleased, Loki complied and tried not to notice when Rose beamed a delighted smile at him as she walked over and sat at the table.

“I know that our lives aren't the same, that we aren't the same. I killed people when I was working for SHIELD, they weren't good people, they'd done terrible things, but I still killed them,” Rose blurted out. God, she hated talking about this, she never talked about it, but knew she had his attention now and can feel the curiosity in his thoughts even though he still wasn’t looking at her.

“When I went home that last time, my mom was trying to get me to talk about Katie and about what happened, and I just shut her down. I remember she had asked me if I was depressed because I regretted killing Katie’s uncle, and I told her the only thing I regretted was the fact I couldn’t kill him again.” Rose saw Loki turn to face her at that, and the initial surprise in his eyes was swiftly turning to a reluctant understanding as he listened to her now. “I’ve done so many things in my life that I will regret forever and just have to live with -- but if I could kill that piece of shit every single day for the rest of my life it still would never be enough for how he made her suffer.”

Her voice turned brittle as she spoke, “She was telling me every single thing that I didn't want to hear, and I wanted her just to shut up and leave me alone. I didn't want to hear about how what I was doing was wrong. I didn’t want to hear that it would be okay, that I would be, because _nothing_ was okay with me. Nothing would ever bring Katie back, and I was so angry. Angry all the time. I hated myself because I couldn't save her, I hated that Nick kept showing me these horrible things that I couldn't stop.”

Rose gave bitter laugh that was filled with self-loathing.“I practically killed my own mother in a fit of rage because I was having a fucking temper tantrum like a child and lost control of my abilities. I was sorry afterwards. God, I would have given anything to take it back, but there was no going back because I killed her -- but the thing is, she just hasn’t died yet. My dad hasn't spoken to me since we found out she'd never recover. Grady tried to heal her, I even tried, but she was just gone.”

Loki made himself sneer at her, even though part of him had gone hollow at the pain he heard in her voice. “So what is it then that I am supposed to have learned from your touching little story? That if I am just _sorry_ enough for what I have done in the past, if I feel enough remorse for my misdeeds that it will suddenly make everything all right again?”

“No, there is no real lesson to learned from it. I’m going to have to live with it the rest of my life because sorry won’t fix anything, won’t undo anything. Sometimes all you can do is know that you should have done it differently,” she said simply. “There’s an old saying that if you can’t learn from the past you’ll be doomed to forever repeat it, and I’d hate like hell to think I’d ever do anything to hurt someone I love like that ever again.”

“We are nothing alike,” Loki insisted, but he can hear the thread of desperation in his voice as he thinks back to mourning the bridges he had burned with his own actions, and he is no longer quite sure if he is trying to convince himself with his words or the girl.

“If a monster to you is someone that tries to kill a parent and slaughters the masses, then what would you call me?” Rose shot back, and then she gives him a pointed look. “I can’t change who I am and what I do. He kept calling me a fucking monster while he was cutting me open -- he said that he was doing the world a favor by keeping me from ever being able to have children and bring another _thing_ like me into the world.”

“You would still think to compare yourself to me? I am a _God_! Your life has been but the blink of an eye to one such as I, and yet you would dare to say we are the same?” Loki's face is flushed red with anger, and he thinks that yet again he is the one being told things he does not wish to hear, and she does not understand. Rose had slain an evildoer who had murdered one she had loved greatly, she had weeded out ones who had caused great harm for many with their actions and then eliminated them. There is no doubt at all in his mind that she had dispatched them quickly and not lingered over the task with any sense of satisfaction from the act itself. And while she had blindly lashed out and inadvertently harmed her mother -- it was a tragic accident and not remotely the same as the deadly chaos that he had caused as he carved a path of destruction across the realms as wide as the pain in his heart.

“You cannot comprehend what it was like when I learned the truth of my parentage. They had lied to me over and over again with their silence. To the Aesir, the Jötunns are no better than animals. They are worse than animals, they are the things that would come for you in the night if you misbehaved as a child.”

Loki licked suddenly dry lips and found he could not bear to look at her any longer -- afraid that the compassion in her grey eyes would surely unman him if he did so. “You would not be able to understand, there is nothing to compare it to on Midgard."

Rose huffed a brief laugh at that. “If you think that Asgard is the only place in all the worlds to place a social stigma on people for being different from the norm, then you really have lived a sheltered life.”

“What other things weren’t acceptable on Asgard? Let me guess. How about men that are able to do magic?” She saw her words had hit home when he flinched at that, and she held up a lock of her curly dark hair. “People that aren't blonde warriors like Thor? Anyone at all that dares to want to be different?”

“All I'm trying to say is that while there could be less blowing shit up and death and destruction, you're not a monster.” Rose wanted to hug him, the look on his face was so lost, and she wondered yet again what he had suffered before he finally snapped.

“Show me,” she said softly. “Your Jötunn form.”

Loki gave her a look of sheer horror and all the color drained from his face. “What did you just say?”

“Show me your Jötunn form,” she repeated the words to him. “If I freak out and then run away screaming like you’re so sure I will, then you can be right and I'll call Thor and you can go ahead and leave -- but, if I don't, then we get to try things my way.” She gave Loki a narrow-eyed look as she spoke, “And by that I mean you do what I want, and there will be no going back on your word.”

Loki could feel his heart trying to beat its way free from his chest as he watched Rose -- the girl truly had no idea at all what she was asking of him. “You will call Thor after I have done this?” At her nod, he blew out a long shaky breath as he closed his eyes. He knew that when she saw him as he really was nothing would ever be the same for either of them -- and when he opened them again knew that they'd gone from green to blood red.

Rose knew Loki was waiting for _something_ from her -- for her to react with the horror and loathing that he so obviously felt for himself -- for her to turn her back on him as he expected her to do. She saw his dark red eyes widen almost comically as she walked slowly over to stand in front of him, then carefully reached out to gently run a fingertip over the raised lines on his face. Rose traced each one of them individually while he stood shuddering under her hands, and then Loki moaned deep in his throat as something inside of him just _broke_ , and he wrapped his arms around her and buried his face against her neck. Joy, disbelief and a pained nameless yearning run through his thoughts, and Rose hugged him back as hard as she could and then she kissed the marks on his temple, wringing another soft sound from him as she tried to show him without words all that he was coming to mean to her.

“Loki,” she whispered his name against his skin, feeling him shiver yet again in reaction, and then there is a subtle wave of magic as he shifted back to his Asgardian form.

Loki found quite himself unable to look at her. He was the God of Lies -- but he thinks if Rose was trying to deceive him with her actions -- he did not want to know, wanted to revel in the fact she did not seem disgusted by his appearance. He could feel her in his mind like a soft warm glow, he had shown her the horror that he became and instead of recoiling as she should have in abhorrence, she had instead chosen to embrace him. He should put her away from him right now -- Loki had always prided himself on his ability to not need anything from anyone, but the calm acceptance she gave him was a lure he could not resist, so he kept Rose tucked against him. Surely there could be no harm in it.

Rose smiled against Loki's chest before tipping her face up so she could look him in the eyes as she spoke, “You are mine now, Trickster.” She laced her fingers with hers, tugging him towards her bedroom, and laughed at the exaggerated sigh he gave before he gave in and followed her.

“I want to treat the marks on your back and see if I can reduce the scarring.” She ignored the mutinous look that Loki was giving her and just pointed to the bed. “Lay down. Please, I just want to help.”

Rose gave him a wide-eyed pleading look that she knew he didn't buy the sincerity of for a minute. _Can't lie to a liar_ , she thought as she picked up the bottle that was sitting on the dresser, and shook it so he could hear the sloshing sound of the liquid inside.

“I want to use some of this on it. Come on, there's a fire so the room's really warm.” She watched him roll his eyes at the cajoling note in her voice, but he did as she asked, tugging his shirt off over his head. “This will help soften the scar tissue as it continues to heal,” Rose said, then laughed at the aggrieved look he gave her.

Loki flopped face down on the bed, and then at the first touch of her hands he found himself biting back a groan as a wave of desire for her tore through him. _Why_ did he think that letting her touch him like this was going to be a good idea? It might actually be one of the worst ideas he'd ever had, and over a millennium a being could have many.

Rose ran oil-slicked hands gently over the fading lash marks on his skin, first stroking her fingers along his spine in a long movement and then started kneading the tight muscles of his shoulders in a deft motion that had his eyes drooping as he slowly relaxed under her ministrations.

Loki heaved a deep sigh, and then he just gave in and let himself enjoy the feel Rose's hands on his skin -- although it was making him start to think that they would feel equally as fine, if not even more enjoyable on _other_ parts of his body as well. It had been a very long time indeed since he had taken a lover and after the kiss they had shared _(he_ _still_ _wasn't sure how he'd let that happen)_  the idea of knowing Rose in such a way seemed to occupy entirely too much space in his thoughts. Loki had grudgingly found himself drawn to her from the first -- her unique abilities for a mortal, and quick mind had intrigued him against his will initially, but now that he come to know her better he found himself wanting to be with her simply because he enjoyed being with Rose. Inexplicable as it was to him, she felt him to be a friend, and loathe as he was to admit it, if he was being honest, he now _(possibly)_ considered her one as well -- and was well on his way to liking the girl more than he should as he found the longing for her touch growing with each movement she made. 

He was saved from disgracing himself further by the brush of her fingers along his side that made him make a rather undignified noise that could have been called a squeak in a lesser being. He felt a flash of humor from Rose -- and because she couldn't see his face, Loki let himself smile and stifled a laugh into the pillow. 

Rose knew that Loki was desperately trying not to laugh, beneath his dignity and all that, so she deliberately ran her fingertips up both sides of his ribs, making him yelp. She felt his whole body tense up in anticipation, then she tickled him in earnest until he collapsed with laughter before he twisted in her grip, flipping them both over so she was pinned beneath him. 

Loki pinned her to the bed and then shifted his hold on her hands so he had both of her wrists in one hand -- then wiggled his long fingers at her with a menacing look on his face that didn’t bode well for her. Rose was already giggling before he even touched her, the unholy light shining in his bright green eyes telling her he was going to make her pay -- then she shrieked with laughter when he walked his long fingers up her sides. 

Rose thrashed wildly trying to break loose, but was going nowhere fast. “No more, no more! I give up, I give up!” Then she squealed and dissolved into another fit of laughter as he nipped playfully at her neck, growling as he did it. Loki grinned down at her as she twisted trying to get free and then he dropped all his weight on her, squashing her flat to the bed with a huff of laughter. 

“You should truly know better than to wage war against a god. You are but a small mortal girl and I --” Rose cut him off with a quick kiss to the cheek that had him blinking down at her in confusion. 

“And _you_ are going to get some sleep. You look exhausted.” Loki gave her a scornful look she deserved for that comment, but he did let Rose rest her head against his shoulder, and even though he really wanted to balk at it, he lets her keep her mind linked with his. It seemed so very odd to him that the mental contact with her is so intensely intimate - he had had lovers before that were not as connected as he was to Rose at this moment - and yet beyond a kiss or two, he had scarcely touched her. Loki watched as she took his hand, wrapping her fingers around his and could slowly feel himself start to relax. Lulled by her soothing presence, and the baffling affection she felt for him, Loki closed his eyes with a sigh and slept.

And dreamt yet again of pain.

* * *

 

_ “Little Liesmith, did I not tell you what would happen if you failed me? Did I not say that you would beg for something as sweet as pain? That you would long for death?” _

And oh, Loki _does_. Long before they are done with him he is soaked with his own blood and tears are drying on his face, and his voice is a broken rasp from screaming. They have returned him to his cell where the cold darkness never ends, and makes him long for Rose and for the love he had found with his little mortal. And when he rests his head on his knees, he thinks of her and yearns for home -- and for the first time in his long life it is not Asgard that he thinks of when he thinks of home -- because home to him now is wherever Rose is. 

Then, as in the way of dreams, it shifts and he is once again on Asgard standing alone in a sea of blackened ash, and he can only watch in mute horror as everyone he loves dies one by one and Thanos razes it to the ground.

* * *

 

When he awakes with a gasp and a pounding heart, Loki knows that it was more than just a dream, but he hopes it was not a true foretelling. He still remembers the awful grief of it tearing at him, and glances at the sleeping mortal next to him. No, not sleeping. He can see the shine of her grey eyes in the dim light from the fire. There is no use trying to hide it from her, because he knows that it was his distress that called her to him even in dreams, and had woken her. 

Loki lets Rose pull him to her, goes into her arms gladly because the remnants of the dream are still clinging to him -- and oh, how he wants this, wants _her_ ,  and rolls them over so she is on top of him as he wraps his arms around her. 

Rose sits up and looks down at Loki, she had felt the terror that had woken him, and right now all she can think to do is try and hold him to the here and now, so she kisses him. He stays strangely passive under her hands and she wants that _gone_ , so she kisses and licks a warm wet line down his chest to his stomach -- and when he sucks in a ragged breath she smiles against his skin and tugs his pants over his lean hips. She lets her hair drag over him as she nips at his hipbone before soothing it with her tongue and looks up to see him watching her with wide, startled eyes. It puzzles her until she remembers that she'd seen him turn blue earlier and then she understands the startled look -- so she opens her mind wide to his and lets him feel how much she wants him as she wraps her hand around him stroking him from root to tip making him squirm before licking at the drops of pearly fluid that are already leaking from his aching cock and then she smiles up at him as she takes him into her mouth. 

Loki gave a strangled moan as Rose runs her tongue slowly down his length, and the idea that she knew what he was turned the caress into something so achingly erotic it overwhelms him. He has not lain with anyone for longer than he cares to remember, and now there is only Rose -- and he had not thought to ever be with a woman who knew his truth. He is painfully hard and she does something with her tongue as she pulls his length into her mouth again that sends a shiver down his spine and makes his breath come short. He pulls her up and kisses her messily before flipping her on her back and smiles down at her as he feels a quick flash of disappointment from her and then tries to explain himself, “I want to bury myself deep inside you, until you are mine in all ways.” 

Loki kisses her again, licking at her full bottom lip and into her mouth until she is moaning for him, then he fills his big hands with her breasts. For all that Rose is slim and slight in stature, this is something about her that is not small, so his runs his thumbs over her nipples before sucking one into his mouth and then the other until she is quivering under his hands and then kisses his way slowly down her stomach. He licks the slick skin of the scar tissue that wends its way across her ribs and down the soft skin of her stomach, and thinks again that if she had not killed the man he would for daring to ever touch her.  Loki rubs a finger gently against her and feeling how wet she is for him already, he smiles wickedly against her skin as he curves one inside her and runs his thumb over her clit before closing his lips over her. He adds another finger and then slowly works them in and out of her as he licks and sucks at her until she moans and tosses her head back as he finds that perfect spot inside her and runs his fingertips over it slowly until she clenches her fingers in his hair with a ragged sound.

That is the moment that Rose loses control entirely, and when the orgasm takes her he feels it _all_ in wave after wave of sensation. Her pleasure becomes his, and he is helpless against it and he fills her with one long thrust. He can feel Rose tense under him with a gasp -- she is almost unbearably tight and hot, and Loki wants her more than he can remember ever wanting anything. He waits until she opens her eyes again, and then she gives him a smile that has him kissing her sweetly until she relaxes against him before he begins to gently move inside her, going slowly at first to give her time to get used to the feel of him, until she tips her hips up to meet his with a moan. Then he can hold back no longer and just buries himself inside her as hard and fast as he can until he feels her muscles tighten and when the pleasure takes her again, she cries out and arches against him, saying his name over and over as he feels her come undone around him. 

Loki licks, then bites down where her neck and shoulder meet, holding her in place as he comes inside her in a rush that leaves him shaking as he finds his own release. He slowly kisses her, luxuriating in the feel of her in his arms and then he can’t help but smile when she playfully kisses the tip of his nose. After a long moment he rolls them over and pulls her back to his chest and kisses her cheek, then licks the mark he made on her neck and basks in the sensation of her in his arms, the warmth of the happiness he can easily feel in her thoughts, and closes his eyes with a contented sigh. 

And Loki, who had given up everything, wishes they could stay locked in this moment of time forever.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: There is a lot o' smut in this chapter, as well as an assisted death scene but not at the same time because that is too fucked up even for me!
> 
> Happy new year to all of you wonderful people!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should probably be ashamed, but I'm not!

_“In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you.”_

~Oscar Wilde

* * *

 

Loki gave her a long slow kiss, and then he pulled Rose back against his chest as they sat in the warm water. She had said that she was going to take a bath, and she had then given him an impish smile as she asked if he'd ever had a bubble bath. Loki had thought the idea to be rather ridiculous at first, but he had to admit that having Rose's lush body, wet and naked against him, combined with the heat of the water has made him feel positively languorous with contentment.

“And just what is _soo_ funny?” Rose asked, picking up on the amusement in his thoughts and tilting her head back to look at him. When Loki just grinned down at her, she twisted around and then straddled him, running her fingers up his neck, making him shiver in reaction as she cupped his face in her hands. His green eyes darken with some emotion she can't name, and she rocks against him in a deliberate move that has him sucking in a quick breath in reaction.

“I think that you are thinking much too hard, you should kiss me instead,” she whispered in his ear, and then licks along his jaw before finding his mouth with hers.

Loki feels himself quickly hardening against her wet skin and it leaves him burning with the need to have her again, because now he can feel how much she wants him. So he pulls her closer so she can feel what she has wrought and complies to her wishes -- kissing her until they are both breathless and then he groans as Rose eases herself down on him. He had initially found it very peculiar to feel what another does during sex, because originally the sensations were so foreign to him, Loki thinks -- but he also muses that it would be hard to give up now that he had experienced such with her. He feels the almost pleasure-pain that she feels while taking him inside of her and the tight heat of her against his cock at the same time. There is a rising tension that she feels when he strokes over that one perfect spot inside her, and then she moves in a way that has him strangling back a moan -- and for a time Loki thinks no more as Rose rides him until water is sloshing over the sides of the bathtub as he tangles his hands in her hair, whispering her name against her mouth before he kisses her.

Afterwards he dries them both as he walks into the bedroom with her in his arms and Loki closes his eyes as he pulls Rose closer, and he falls asleep with a sense of peace that he is no longer alone.

* * *

 

When Loki wakes up, he rolls over and unconsciously reaches for Rose, and when his palm slides across the cool bare sheets; the fact he is alone shocks him wide awake and he finds himself almost alarmed by her absence.

Which, after he thinks about it, is utterly disgraceful.

It was not as if Rose has dogged his ever step since he had been brought to her home, in truth she had been very careful to give him his space and not crowd him anymore than was necessary. She had left him to his own devices often, and then she would eventually seek him out for companionship as the day wore on, or if truth be told, _Loki_ would seek her out in turn. It had only been since he had recovered his magical abilities and he had revealed his Jötunn form to her that she had started keeping their minds linked together more often than not.

Since they had become lovers, Loki found he had become accustomed to her being with him while he slept, her physical presence as well as her mental one usually soothing him into resting with her, and the fact that she had chosen to leave him made him feel oddly hollow inside.

He thinks that this also is yet another shameful new low he has sunk to, but it doesn’t stop him from teleporting himself into her living room where he finds Rose talking on her telephone to her brother and looking very unhappy indeed.

“I _can’t_ , and you need to stop asking me,” Rose said wearily. “Dad would lose his mind if I just showed-up unannounced or otherwise, and --” She rolled her eyes at what her brother said next, which was the predictable bit about her aunt and cousins asking about her and wishing she would come for the holiday.

“Grady, enough. Give everyone my love and I’ll see you all soon. I love you and I’ll talk to you in couple days, ok?” Rose very carefully set the phone down and doesn’t give in to the impulse to throw it and then stamp on it for good measure, and settles for banging her head with the remote to the tv. She can tell Loki is giving her a curious look and she knows that he will have questions, and is surprised when he just comes and sits by her and instead of asking her what they were arguing about, he asks her what movie she was watching.

“Oh, it’s called,  _It’s a Wonderful Life_ , it was one of the Christmas movies that my mom always insisted that we watch together. I think Grady knew I was thinking about him. Once in a while we’ll still pick up on each other’s thoughts even from a distance, though, it’s not as bad as it was when we were younger,” Rose said with a laugh, and then gave an exaggerated shudder.

“Did you often read one another’s minds as children?” Loki asked curiously. He can tell Rose is thinking of something humorous because he can feel a wave of amusement coming from her thoughts before she starts laughing.

Rose buried her face in her hands. “It was just so painfully awkward when we were teenagers. I’m four years older than Grady, and he was just starting to see girls as being cool, so there I’d be talking to one of my friends and all of a sudden I’d get this thought from Grady about whatever sort of weird sex shit he was thinking about and how hot he thought my friend was, and I’d be standing there with this _OH MY GOD_ look on my face, and trying not to die laughing at the little horn-dog and act normal.”

Loki leered at her and raised a brow. “And I suppose that you never once had such thoughts yourself?”

“I’ll never tell,” Rose said with a smug smile. “That’s the reason why I never dated much when I was younger though. My control was still kind of scattered, and knowing what someone you’re attracted to is really thinking? Talk about the world’s biggest mood-killer. It’s hard to not react when the boy I’d like was thinking that he wished my boobs were bigger or that he really hoped I’d come across with a blow-job after the football game.”

Loki gave a derisive laugh at that. “I cannot imagine anyone would ever think your breasts are lacking in size, and as far as wishing you would bestow such a favor upon them with your mouth -- well, a lad can dream, no?”

Rose has him watch the insipid movie that she tells him had been a Christmas Eve tradition in the O’Neill house since she has been a child. There had been a note of sadness in her voice even as she had told the stories of her childhood that stills his protests at the preposterously overdone plot, and he settles in next to her and watches her watch the movie. The man, George, who had longed all his life for much greater things, had wanted more than the simple life he had been living, and then had to settle for less.

Loki wondered for a moment if Rose was trying to tell him something by this, then dismissed the idea out of hand, because if that were the case, she would have just said it aloud to him, the girl had _no_ sense when it came to speaking her mind.

By the end of it, a blind man or even his thick brother, Loki thinks with a smirk, could tell that George would soon realize that he had been living the life he was supposed to have lived all along, and be grateful to go back to it. Loki gave Rose a sidelong glance when he hears her give a watery sniff, and he is startled when he sees tears standing in her grey eyes.

“Whatever is wrong? Have you not informed me many times that these are but works of fiction and should not be taken seriously?” Loki said, teasing her at his own expense because he had been thoroughly incensed with the plot of the movie _Se7en_ after he realized that the police officer would be punished for committing the last sin when he had slain the madman who had murdered his pregnant wife.

Who _(he privately still thinks_ ) had gotten off with a trifling death by only being shot because had he ever found himself in a similar situation he would have made his torture in Odin’s dungeons seem like a gentle caress compared to what he would have done to the wretch.

“You’re still bitter over the ending of Se7en, aren’t you?” Rose asked, then laughed at the way his eyes flash with outrage before he conceals it with a carefully blank look.

“You should be more careful, girl. With my powers restored, the punishments I could now mete out for your insolence would be quite serious indeed,” Loki said with a menacing growl, but instead of showing fear, Rose gets a considering look on her face at his words that has him swallowing hard as his mouth suddenly goes dry, and he wants her again.

“We should speak more of your insolence,” he tells her as he teleports them to her bedroom, and even though he can feel her laughing, all he can feel is joy.

* * *

 

Later, Rose looks around the house as she makes them dinner, she had told Loki that she was starving and is making steak and pasta, because surely all this sex is burning more calories than a damn marathon, and that's when it occurs to her that in the last few days they have had sex on pretty much any available surface in her house. _(And that is using_ _the term extremely loosely, because Loki has all his powers back, including teleporting, and then have had sex in some fairly odd spots.)_ She has the steak grilling as she cuts up fruit for a salad, and when Loki comes in the kitchen looking impossibly beautiful in leather pants that end in bare feet and a green tunic edged with gold threading, all she can think about is getting him naked again.

When he walks over to her she holds up a piece of pineapple for him and he sucks her fingers in his mouth along with the fruit giving her an innocent smile -- all big green eyes without a hint of guile in them. Rose watches him for a second with her mind going blank, and then she drops to her knees and yanks at the laces on his leather pants and pulls him out, finding him already half hard and sucks him into her mouth. She tugs on his pants until she has room to cup his balls in her cool hands as she takes him as deep in her mouth as she can. Then she runs her tongue up the thick vein on the underside of his cock in a long wet line and she can feel his legs shake as he stiffens in her mouth with a gasp, and then tries to pull away.

Loki moans her name and tries to pull back, but Rose digs her nails in his ass and pulls him closer and takes him as deep in her mouth as she can -- over and over again, until he comes with a guttural sound that ends in a groan and leaves his legs quivering, and he is barely able to stand. She looks up at him with a smirk, and Loki pulls her up and throws her over his shoulder as he walks back to the bedroom and tosses her on the mattress so that she bounces while she laughs at him. Or maybe it is the fact that his pants have slid down to his knees as he walked and are tripping him now, that has her laughing. Either way, he cannot be bothered to care and thinks he could get used to Rose smiling at him like that, and then he realizes with a sense of wonder that he has allowed himself to hope.

Dinner is only slightly burned when they finally get around to eating it.

* * *

That night Loki has another dream, and is helpless to do anything other than watch it play out.

Rose is dressed in the way of the women of Asgard, but she is wearing his colors, marking her as his for all to know, and the green and gold gown is glorious on her. Her dark hair is pulled back and hangs loose in long curls that come to the middle of her back. He knows the minute she becomes aware of him watching her because her eyes fill with delight as she drops the glass she was holding and runs to him.

They all know what he is, what he becomes -- but Rose runs to him, and she has never cared what anyone else has thought. And he is hers, will ever be hers, and is it any wonder that he loves her?

_He loves her._

That is the moment he sees that the front of her gown is drenched in blood, and then all he can see is how the crimson color slicks his hands. Rose's grey eyes fill with tears, and she is gasping for breath as he begs her not to leave him. But she does, and he holds her until her body grows as cold as the heart in his chest, and Loki looks at the gathering crowd as they watch him with contempt and say, _“That is what happens when you love a monster.”_

And then he is once again on the Bifröst watching Asgard burn, as Thanos promises him all he could ever want: power, respect, with all the realms united under his rule as king. And all Loki can think of is that he would give it all up for just one more day with her.

Thanos drags Rose before him and then he guts her in one brutal move, and Loki can only stand and watch as she dies once again. And then he is the one who is torturing Rose while she cries and begs for him to stop, and then he debases her in the mess of her own blood and he laughs while he does it.

* * *

Loki wakes them both up screaming, and when Rose touches his shoulder he makes a sound like a wounded animal and cringes back away from her, away from the gentle touch of her hands and the concern in her eyes -- because he will not be the death of her.

“What is it? What did you see this time?” Rose keeps her voice low and calm, because she can see that Loki is about one step away from bolting from the room, and when she touches his arm he shudders continually under her hands. His green eyes are huge as he gasps for breath and she can feel the blind terror in his thoughts. She moves slowly so she doesn’t set him off again, carefully cupping his face in her hand and runs her thumb along his cheek, and this time he leans into the comfort she offers and closes his eyes for a long minute.

Loki grabs her by the arms so suddenly it's almost a blur of speed. “No matter what, Rose,” his voice breaks as he speaks, so he clears his throat and tries again. “No matter what occurs between us, I will never allow you to be hurt. I would never hurt you. On my honor, I promise you this.”

Loki crushes her against him then, and Rose can feel the sweat drying on his skin -- how cold he feels and how he trembles under her hands, and wonders what he had seen in his dream that would frighten him like this.

“Loki,” she says his name low and firm until she gets him to look at her. “I’m fine. It was just a dream.” She takes his hand and places in on her chest so he can feel the steady rhythm of the beating of her heart as she speaks, “I'm all right, nothing's happened. I know you would never hurt me.” And she then she pours all the love she feels for him into the link between them before she can think better of it.Loki just blinks at her, and he looks altogether bewildered, so she says it out loud to him this time.

“I love you.” Rose cups his face in her hands and says it again, watching his green eyes widen in shock at her words, “I love you, Loki.”

Loki hears the words that she is saying to him and they echo his dream closely enough it sends a frisson of fear shivering down his spine, and has she run mad? She loves him? How can she love him?

“How can you possibly love me?” he demands of her furiously. “You have seen the things that I have done to your world. Seen what I have done to my world - to Asgard.” He corrects the slip of the tongue, and continues almost frantically now. “I am a liar and a murderer and a Frost Giant. How am I the one that you have chosen to love?”

Loki turns to his Jötunn form and he thinks that this, at last, a monster in her bed, will stop this foolish talk once and for all, because how could such a thing ever be true?

Rose tilted her head as she listened to him rant at her and while of part of her wants to shake Loki to make him see sense, she knows that she had better choose her next words carefully or this was going to go badly wrong.

“ We’ve been linked together enough you can read my thoughts as easily as I can yours if you want to, so do it.” Rose gives him a challenging look to go with her words and raises an eyebrow at him, and can see the indecision in his eyes and the fear inside his mind waging war with the need to believe. So she just projects as hard as she can to him that she wants him, that she loves him as she raises herself up on her knees and kisses him. She can feel him waiting for her to come to her senses and smiles against his lips, then runs her fingers lightly over the raised markings on his skin and marvels again at the silky texture. Loki inhaled sharply at the sensation, but she sees a faint sheen of tears in his red eyes and can feel him just waiting for her to reject him.

Rose takes his unresisting hand in hers then, letting her fingers ghost over the lines on his arm as she licks along the pulse point on his wrist and feels his heartbeat leap against the palm she places on his chest. It is one of the few times that Loki finds his glib tongue has abandoned him, and he literally has no idea what to say as Rose’s conviction burns brightly in his mind.

Her pale skin alongside the loathsome Jötunn blue is a stunning contrast and he knows he should push her away, that she should not sully herself with him, but he finds he lacks the will to stop her. He finds that he wants her to touch him, wants to feel her soft hands tracing the lines on his skin that feel oh-so-sensitive right now. Rose continues her exploration of the patterned ridges that decorate his chest and arms, and Loki is oddly quiet, but she feels him stifle a moan as she runs a fingernail down the line on his chest, then her smile turns wicked as she traces it again with her mouth.

Loki feels a wave of longing for her that is only partly bound in lust as Rose licks his stomach before pulling the sheet slowly down, and then his over-sensitized skin is making it hard for him to breathe. He licks suddenly dry lips, and tries one last time to get her to see sense.“I’m not sure that this is -”

That is all he gets out before she is following the sigils on his cock with her tongue and then Loki is just lost to the sensation.

And then he cannot stand it any longer. He yanks her up and drives himself inside her in one hard thrust that has her making a distressed sound even as he feels her arch her back to take him deeper. Loki tries to make himself be still, to give her time to adjust to him; but he is shivering with want as lust for her swamps his thoughts and drowns him.

He needs to _mark_ her, to brand her with teeth and his seed, and cover her with his scent so all will know that she is his -- and he feels her delicate muscles tighten around him as Rose arches her back with cry, and her orgasm tears though his mind as her body shudders underneath him.

And then Loki loses all control as he shoves himself into her with a low growl, he can feel his fingers dig into the skin of her hips hard enough he knows it will bruise, but is helpless to fight it any longer. The tight slick heat of her against the raised lines on his cock has him moaning helplessly into her mouth as she kisses him, and the white-hot pleasure of it is almost _excruciating_ \-- but he needs more.

He pulls out, ignoring Rose's startled protests, and flips her onto her stomach, grabbing her hips as he pulls her hard against him and plunges back inside the searing heat of her body. Again and again and again, until he feels Rose tense once more and shatter around him -- and with a desperate cry he bites her neck, holding her tightly in place against him as he empties himself inside her, and follows her over the edge.

Rose collapses on her stomach, and the weight of Loki crushes her into the mattress as he falls on her, and she hopes he moves soon because she's not sure she can, thinking she’ll probably need to breathe again at some point. And then she starts to laugh.

Loki felt Rose shaking underneath him, and shame rolls through him in a black wave that wants to drown him. He has hurt her. Hurt her and now she is crying because he rutted on her like an animal. He quickly moved off of her, shifting back to his Asgardian form as he does so and braces himself as he turns her over and sees that she is … _laughing?_

“You are not hurt?” Loki asked warily, and studies her as she looks up at him blankly.

Rose tries to quit laughing because she can feel how worried he is, but the odd giggle pops out as she said, “I can honestly say I've never felt better.”

Loki studies her carefully for a long minute before giving her an almost shy smile, and then she sits up and hugs him tightly, whispering that she loves him against his skin. He pulls her against his chest as they lay together, and then gathers his courage to ask her the question that had been plaguing him ever since she'd seen him first turn into his Jötunn form. The words come out before he can stop them.

“Rose,” Loki said hesitantly. “What do I feel like to you?” As she tilts her head to the side and looks at him curiously, he swallows down the apprehension and keeps going, has to know. "Do I feel different than others?"

She sees Loki brace himself as if for a harsh blow and then she gets it. He wanted to know if she could tell he was different as in, _“Can you tell I’m monstrous?”_ Rose smiles at him even though she can feel tears burn her eyes as she answers, “Of course you do. It's who you are, how your magic feels. It feels like sunshine in my mind.”

At this he turns to look at her, and Rose feels the doubt in his mind as she struggles to put the feeling into words for him. “You know at the end of winter when you first feel the warmth of the sun of spring on your face? It's like that, Loki.”

His smile lights up his eyes as she holds her palm up, and after a long moment he slowly mirrors the move with his own hand and lets their fingers lace together.

Rose thinks that she can't remember the last time she was this happy, so naturally the next day her world falls apart.

* * *

She knows that she should have seen this coming from miles away, but of course she is still blindsided when Grady shows up and tells her that they're bringing their mother home to die.

Rose feels numb, and wishes yet again, like a child, that there was some way to take it all back. But there isn't, there never will be, so she goes to get dressed so she can go home one last time.

Grady looked exhausted as he spoke, “Loki, will you come with us? I know she won't ask you to, it's never been her way, but I think she's better off with you there. Our dad is - ”

Grady abruptly cuts off what he was saying, and Loki watches Rose walk out of her bedroom. She'd changed into a dark-green sweater and a pair of jeans that she'd tucked into brown leather boots, and Loki thinks she looks very young and frightened.

“You ready to go?” Grady asks her.

Rose just nods silently, then turns to Loki. “We should be back -” “I would like to come with you if that would be acceptable.”

Loki sees hers eyes glitter at his words, and feels the grief that she's barely holding at bay but she gives him a grateful smile nonetheless, and holds her hand out to him. It is a long, mostly silent ride to their parent's house, and while Loki finds he intensely dislikes this means of transportation, he will stay by her side through this, because she has stayed by his.

Grady tells him that they have brought their mother home because it was thought that she would have wanted to be with her family. He meets Rose and Grady's aunt, and a cousin and both seem kind, though they look at him with curious eyes. When Rose's aunt hugs first Rose, then himself, he is startled at the contact but he endures it without complaint, though the speculative look on her face makes him wonder if she has the ability to sift thoughts as well.

Loki can feel the maelstrom of guilt trying to drown Rose, so he reaches for her hand before he can think better of it. He can feel how afraid she is, the self-loathing she feels, and realizes for the first time that Rose thinks she is the true abomination, not him. And when her father comes in the room he finds out why.

“Dad, I'm -” And that all she gets out before her father crosses the room in three long strides, and then slaps her so hard it splits her lip and knocks her down.

Loki reacts instantly and grabs the man's hand in a blind rage, and thinks how easy it would be to kill him for daring to hit her but Grady pushes between them.

“God damn it!” Grady shoves his father back farther from Loki. “Enough. She's suffered enough, and you will let her say goodbye to Mom.”

Loki helps Rose to her feet and wipes the blood from her lip, while he seriously considers killing her father for this. He will kill him if he tries to touch her again. He sees Rose pick this thought out of his head, and at first she starts laughing, making everyone stare at her in surprise, but it quickly turns to tears.

Rose thinks that up until this point, she'd been keeping her shit, _mostly,_ together, but the combination of her dad hitting her, and Loki thinking gleefully that he'd really like to kill him for it … and that's when she just breaks down laughing, because it's just so fucking awful and then she's sobbing. The sheer amount of rage and God, the hate, her father feels for her makes her want to run and run and never come back.

Her voice is hoarse, but steady when she speaks, “I'm going to see Mom, and then I will leave. But I am going to see her. After that if you never want to see me again, I do understand.”

Her father says nothing, remains silent, and she can feel her heart break with a clean snap as she remembers when he used to love her.

Rose turns towards the room where her mother is, and the only thing keeping her sane right now is Loki. She can feel him in her mind, and then he takes her hand because the sight of her mother like this is unbearable, and she makes a sound in the back of her throat that has Loki tightening his grip on her, and his green eyes ask her if she wants to leave.

And she does. But she can't.

_Loki sees the emaciated figure on the bed, can see the shape of Rose's face in her bones, the woman’s dark brown hair is streaked with grey, but the wild curls are the same. He can feel no life in her mind, and for the first time he realizes what Rose had meant when she said that she had killed her. There is the push of lungs and the wavering beat of her heart, but the person inside is gone._

The woman on the bed can't be her mother. It just can't be. The last time she'd seen her had been months ago, but now she was just a wasted shell of who she used to be. Rose climbs on the bed with her mother, and lies down with her, taking her hand and kisses her cheek one last time. She tells her mom how much she loves her, that she is sorry, and then she says goodbye. Because this ends today, no matter how much her dad hates her, no matter if it's murder, because it's the worst kind of suffering. She raises her head up when Grady sits on the opposite side of the bed, and she knows he's crying, and then together they stop their mother's heart from beating. Rose holds Grady and stokes his hair like she did when they were young and he was hurt or afraid, but she doesn’t cry, doesn’t deserve the solace of tears.

Loki teleports her home afterwards, her father wouldn't have let her stay even if she had wanted to, and she desperately wants to go home, needs to be home. Loki watched Rose as she laid down on her bed, and fought a short battle with himself over what to do before he went to her and gathered her against his chest.

And this is what breaks her, and he holds her long after she has cried herself to sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am very sorry that it took me so long to get this up, but this has been a sincerely shit month for me. Things are more back on track now and should be back to updating more quickly now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is like a angst sandwich with porn filling. Also the calm before the storm and the shit's gonna hit the fan and splatter in the next chapter in a major way. Ye've been warned!

“Who except the gods can live without pain?” ~ Aeschylus

* * *

 

 

Rose woke up, then fought a brief war with the urge to just close her eyes again and let the oblivion of sleep take her away again. It hits her that the start of the new year had came and went but she can’t find it in her to give a shit. What would her resolution be this year? Not killing another family member would be a good start, and hears a soft noise that she realizes is coming from her and then she quietly untangled herself from Loki's arms, and then got up to go shower and freak out in private.

She keeps the lights off because the dark seems (a good place to hide) comforting to her right now, and she will take what comfort she can, because she knows that this is about to get very hard, and lets the water run over her she tries very hard not to think about much of anything at all.

When Rose comes out of the bathroom she sits on the edge of her bed and looks at Loki, who is sitting up and watching her with an expression that on anyone else she would call worried. “You need to leave.” She sees Loki’s dark brows draw in puzzlement and he narrows his eyes at her. “I’m not going to keep you here any longer. Thor said it was my will that would bind you to here, and I release you from it. You can go.”

“Why now?” he demands suspiciously, then his eyes widen in sudden understanding and she can feel him touching her thoughts before she slams the link shut between them,ignoring the look of disbelief on his face when she does. Better he think that she just wants him gone than for him to know the truth. Rose made herself give a nonchalant shrug and wants to scream. “What can I do for you? You've healed, the scars are fading, and I’ve done all I can for you. Your magic is restored and you can go anywhere you want. You don’t have to stay here. You can go anywhere you want Loki, I release you from what binds you here.”

“I want you to go.”

Loki stands up. “You do not want -” and cuts off what he was going to say, and for just a second he looks almost _stricken_ by her words, but then he is just gone in a flash of green light.

Mechanically, Rose turns off the lights and then climbs back in bed pulling the covers over her head this time. She is alone and it is for the best because what if the next person she hurts is Loki? Pain has her sucking in a breath that ends on a sob, and she cries until she can't breathe, because there is no answer to her question that doesn't make her heart break.

* * *

Loki tells himself that he is _glad_ to be gone, once more able to go about as he pleases. That he is Loki of Asgard, and wants no one, _needs_ no one. But while he is the God of Lies, he cannot lie to himself anymore, and he misses her.

Rose had said that she accepted him. That she loved him (as he was) but then she had sent him away. He is not good enough for her, _not enough, not enough, not enough_ , his mind chants over and over. But now, what he initially had taken as rejection, he now thinks was Rose's way of trying to protect him. Which gives him a strange pain in his chest because he has the oddest feeling that she is trying to protect _him_ from something _she_ might do. To him. It is laughable really. He is a god, and there is little Rose could do to truly harm him but he had gotten the barest hint of her thoughts before she had severed the link between them, and she had been so very afraid.

And of course he doesn’t need her, not at all, but he is worried about her. He has been away from her for three weeks and what if she needs him?

Loki stands outside her house and he paces as he scowls at the darkened windows. He can see no lights on inside her dwelling, and even though he can sense Rose's presence inside, he cannot see her so he transports himself to her side. She is curled up in her bed and Loki can feel the sense of melancholy rolling off of her in waves. The room is ice-cold so he lights the fireplace with a wave of his hand, the spell coming easily to him once again. He lays down next to her and pulls her into his arms, and Rose whispers his name over and over, and tucks herself closer to him before breaking down and clinging to him tightly. Loki can feel the grief, the pain, she is in so much pain, the shame that makes her unable to meet his eyes. Doesn't she know that there is nothing that she needs to hide from him? He keeps her wrapped tightly in his arms and he will not let her go.

Of all the beings in all the realms, it is he, Loki, that she has chosen to love. She is his now. His.

* * *

 

Three days later, Rose's head spins when Loki scoops her up in his arms and takes her in the bathroom. She lets him undress her, and when he sets her in the warm water he climbs in with her and gently washes her hair, and then the rest of her body and it is so the opposite of anything sexual that she gives an involuntary smile at the idea. The God of Mischief and Lies is giving her a bath and mother-henning her like she was a sick child. Rose half turned and laid her cheek against his chest and listened to the steady thump of his heart. “I missed you,” she whispers the words against his wet skin and wants so badly to tell him she loves him, but she is scared he might reject her after she’d asked him to leave. He hadn’t asked her anymore about why she’d told him to leave and right now she’s too fucking scared to say it out loud, and has been very careful to stay out of his head, but she gets a flash of concern from him at her continued silence and it has her biting back a smile.

Loki scowls down at her, answering her unspoken thought with a sneer, as if her very thoughts are ludicrous. “I am a God, I am not worried about a silly mortal girl.” He picks her up and uses magic to dry them both as he walks, and he hears Rose give a sigh as he puts her down on the bed and wraps himself around her once more. Even though they have lain together skin to skin like this for days now, Loki thinks he will never get enough of it, of her. Get close enough. He has drenched himself with her scent and if at first the feel of her inside of his head seemed daunting, now it has brought him a sense of peace that he did not know he even wanted. She is his, and he feels content.

“Why do you not open your mind to mine?” Loki felt his face flush and he immediately wants to snatch the words back as he feels Rose jolt at the question.

“I know that you think there isn’t anything I could do to hurt you, and maybe you’re right, but what if you’re not?” Rose made herself look at him as she spoke even though she would rather never have this conversation. Ever. He came back to her, and she loves him and she’s just so damn glad he came back, and that’s she sees that he’s trying not to laugh at her answer. It should piss her off. She just poured out her darkest fear, and the _bastard_ is grinning at her like she’s the silliest thing he’s ever seen, but instead it loosens the knot of grief that has been choking her and it has Rose smiling back at him as she touches her thoughts to his.

Loki pulled her back down to him as sheer happiness rolls through him. She is his now and he will not be parted from her again. He studies her and thinks she's lost weight, and when he sees her rolling her eyes at his thoughts, he finds he doesn’t really mind. He rubs his cheek against her hair and huffs a short laugh, thinking anyone who ever knew him would never believe he was cuddled up to _(anyone)_ a mortal like this. Her skin is warm under his hands and he feels himself harden instantly, and thinks he will finally be run to madness from sheer _want_. The urge to have her under him, filled with him, to secure her to him in every possible way that he can, and he hears _(he feels)_ Rose laugh softly as she presses back into his aching cock in a move that has Loki grabbing her hips to still her.

He has better control than this, Loki thinks rather desperately in an effort to regain some dignity, but his voice is still embarrassingly hoarse when he speaks, “You still need to rest, and I -” The rest of his good intentions dissolve as Rose twines her fingers in his hair and kisses him softly.

“I've done nothing but sleep for days,” she says as she arches back against him again, and still she can feel him hesitate. So she tilts her head back so she can deepen the kiss, running her tongue along his bottom lip until he is shuddering and rock hard against her, and responds by pulling her tightly to him. Loki kisses and licks along her neck, then tugs her thigh until it's draped over his hip as he slowly runs his hand up to the curve of her breast, smiling when she moans for him. He skims the lightest of touches back and forth across one taut nipple then the other until she is quivering under his hands, he runs a palm up her thigh, and when he touches her, he finds she is already wet for him. Then he slowly pushes a finger inside her, and stifles a helpless sound when she pushes back against him once more. His fingers are slick when he traces a circle around her clit, keeping the contact light until he feels her start to tense under his hands, then Loki pulls her hips back into his cock as he pushes himself inside her in one hard thrust. The angle and the tight heat of her almost undoes him as he feels her muscles clench around him, and he grits his teeth as he runs nimble fingers over her clit again. He can feel the orgasm building in her and allows himself to thrust in and out of her more quickly, until he is hitting the spot inside of her that makes her arch her back so she can take him deeper still. Loki runs his lips down to the crook of her neck and when he hears Rose call his name as she stiffens in his arms, he bites down hard, holding her in place as he spills his seed inside her. Loki kisses her cheek, then laughs when he sees that she is smiling slightly, but her eyes are shut.

Rose opens an eye and looks at him. “Not that your ego needs stroking, but if I'd known what I was missing, I'd have gone looking for you years ago.”

At first Loki gives her a startled look at the praise, but it quickly turns to a frown. “If I had met you before … all of the other things happened, I would not have known what to do with you.” His tone is light, but his eyes are bleak, as if he is confessing something much more serious.

Rose sat up, then leaned over and kisses him until Loki's breath hitches and the lost look is gone. “You’re the God of Mischief, I think you would have thought of something.”

“I may have,” he allows with a smirk, and waggles his eyebrows at Rose making her laugh at his antics.

Loki pulls Rose to him, and wraps his arms around her as he smiles into her hair as he thinks that for the first time in longer than he cares to remember he feels content with himself.

* * *

 

Thor comes to him the next day and Loki realizes that his worst nightmare is about to come to life.

* * *

 

They're in the kitchen and Rose is making them breakfast when they hear the knock on the door. He thinks when Rose leads Thor into the room, that he is lucky that they were clothed when his brother - no, when Thor arrived. Rose is wearing one of his shirts, and while she is decently covered and far from bare, he can see Thor glance at her legs _(she_ _is his, and no one else's to look upon_ ) and Loki is up and between them in a flash of green.

“What do you want?” Loki scowls at him as he speaks, but he can see that Thor's face is set in harsh lines that spoke of sleepless nights and fear, and he dreads the answer to his question.

"Brother, I need your help. Vanaheim has been invaded by the Titans, and without your help Thanos will have them overrun in a matter of days. You know better than anyone how his mind works and I --,” Thor paused, then continued in a rush, “I need your help.”

For the first time since he had learned that inside him lived a monster, Loki felt a thrill of fear run through him. It was his dream come to life. Thanos had come back to claim his world and everything he holds dear will be crushed under the Titan's fist. He couldn't keep his eyes from drifting to Rose as his mind raced but he thinks as long as she stays on Midgard she would be _safe_. Everything in his dreams had taken place on Asgard and if he leaves and goes with Thor to Vanaheim to aid them, she would have no way to follow. She would be safe.

He can see the mutinous set of her jaw, and knew she had gleaned at least something of the direction of his thoughts and for the first time Loki carefully shielded his mind from her. It was curious how quickly he had become dependant on the link between them, because when he cut himself off from her, the loss of her actually _hurt._

Loki kept his eyes on Rose as he answered Thor, “I will aid you.” The relief on Thor's face is immediate, and while he has given him every reason to doubt him, it still stings that he believes Loki would let Vanaheim burn for nothing more than to settle a grievance.

Rose watches the byplay between the two of them and she isn't sure if she wants to just grab Loki and demand he take her with him or kick him in the balls for thinking he can just leave her behind. The ball-kicking urge is becoming the more prominent of the two, so she just hopes she that can appeal to Thor.

She takes a deep breath then tries a winning smile on Thor. “I can help. People will be hurt and you'll need more healers and I -”

“You have said before that you cannot heal as you once did,” Loki interrupted her calmly enough, but he doesn’t meet her eyes now because he can feel how very angry she is with him for using her own words against her now, and for wanting to leave her behind.

“I can help and you know it.” Rose ground out through clenched teeth and narrows her eyes at him as she speaks, and wants to scream in frustration.

“No,” Loki's voice is hard. “I will not have it.” “You won't have it? You won't have it?” Rose said it quietly, because if she raised her voice she’d be screaming it otherwise. “Damn it, I can keep people from dying.”

Loki crosses the room and takes her arms in a surprisingly gentle grip. “Do not ask this of me, for I cannot, will not, change my mind.” He draws his hands down her arm and takes her hand and presses a kiss in her palm, that she immediately clenches into a fist.

“Do this for me Rose,” he keeps his voice soft, and he can feel the emotions swirling around her for all that he has blocked his mind from hers. “Please.”

Rose wraps her arms around his waist tightly. “I am so kicking your ass for this later.” It does the trick and surprises a huff of laughter out of him, and she's glad he's shielding himself from her, because just as soon as she figures out how, she's going after him.

She glances at Thor, who is watching them and sees the small smile he suppresses before he speaks. “I will give you a moment to say your goodbyes.” He gives Rose a short nod before walking outside leaving them alone.

Rose knows that Loki thinks she will try and change his mind, so she raises up on tiptoe and kisses him hard instead. Loki froze in place, then picked her up and pulled her to him. He rests his forehead against hers as he closes his eyes, and just for a minute wishes he could run to the ends of the realms with her. Far away from Thanos and anything else that would try and take her from him.

“Come back to me,” her voice is fierce, because if this is the last chance she gets, she doesn't want him to remember her crying.

He just kisses her sweetly, and it is that one thing that almost breaks her, because she knows that he thinks he will not survive coming against Thanos again, and the minute he leaves she is going after him.

“When I come back, I want to spend days in bed with you next to me,” Loki laces their fingers together as he speaks, “until all you can say is my name.” He presses a kiss to her cheek, then sets her lightly on her feet.

“Be safe,” she whispers, but he is gone in a swirl of green light.

Rose swallows hard until she is sure her voice won't break, then looks over her shoulder and speaks, “You can come out now. They're gone.” She watches as the woman is slowly revealed in a shimmer of light. Her long blonde hair is done in a braided bun, and she is dressed in a flowing gown of the deepest of blue that matches the color of her eyes, and the smile she gives to Rose is kind.

“You are very astute if you were aware of my presence and my sons were not.”

“Well, to be honest, I only picked up on you after Thor left.” Rose wants to laugh or possibly cry, because the Queen of Asgard is standing in her kitchen. She gives the queen her best dance lesson curtsy, _(her mother would have been amazed that she still remembered)_ then thinks introducing herself would probably be in order.

“I'm Rose O'Neill. I've been taking care of --” she pauses, because she doesn't want to make his mom think that she's making him seem weak. “I've been helping Loki when he was injured.” And yeah, that's probably not the best thing to bring up when he was injured in her husband's torture-chamber. Luckily for her, Frigga doesn't seem to want to talk about how Loki was injured either.

“It is a pleasure to finally meet you, and I will be forever grateful for all that you have done for my son. I am Frigga of Asgard.”

It isn't lost on Rose that the queen had been told about her and it has her wondering what exactly she had been told, or who had been talking about her. “I wouldn't have thought that Thor would have told anyone where he had taken Loki.”

“He didn't want to, but I have had much practice getting the boys to talk when they are trying to keep secrets. And of course Heimdall is always watching.” Frigga laughs at the look of abject horror on Rose's face at that. “Never that closely, my dear. There are some things a mother doesn’t need to know.” She takes Rose by the hand. “Thank you for giving me back my son.”

“I can’t just sit here while he goes off to fight,” Rose says this, because she really wants to say she loves him, and she can't say that to his mother until she finds out just what kind of person she is. “I can help. I can help the healers and I --”

Frigga cuts her off gently. “It never ceases to surprise me that men think that women need protecting, when we are the ones that fight to bring them into the world.” She gives Rose a wicked grin that has Loki written all over it.

“Gather what you need and I will take us to Vanaheim.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a sort of interlude between Asgard and Vanaheim, so I went ahead and put it up today. See, I am back on track with posting this shit now! Go me!

"Hope is faith holding out it's hand in the dark." ~ George Isles

* * *

And what should have been a really simple conversation turned into a scream-fest that had Grady yelling profanity in the phone at her. And truthfully, no one can do guilt like a family member, or at least not with as much accuracy anyway.

“Fuck you, Rose! You are not leaving without me, and you damn well better keep your ass on Earth until I get there, or I'm gonna de-ball your alien love-god.” Grady shouted at her.

Rose holds the phone away from her head so she doesn’t go prematurely deaf, and because Grady's so angry right now that she can practically feel it vibrating through the phone lines at her. “Will you just calm down and listen to --”

“No! I fucking well will not calm down. This isn't even half-cool and I … you … you're the only family I have left. Rosie.” This time his voice breaks as he speaks, and there's the real kicker, because while she knows that he's never blamed her for what happened to their mom, it will always be her fault.

“You are such a pain in my ass,” she mutters before she agrees he can come, and she thinks that if she had a dollar for every time she's told her brother this, she'd be rich. She can hear the relief in his voice as she tells him they will wait for him, and she can never stay mad at him for long, because they've always had each other, no matter what.

“It is good that you are bringing him, you will have need of your brother,” Frigga says softly to her, and the words send a frisson of fear down her spine. “You have the gift of foresight, don’t you?” Rose said flatly. She wants to ask Frigga what she sees, wants to know if she's making a big mistake taking Grady with her. Wants to know of Loki, but fear has the words sticking in her throat, and the questions die unasked.

Rose spins the bracelet on her arm while she thinks, and she smiles slightly when Frigga asks her what is says.

“Hic et Nunc.” Rose turned the silver band on her arm in a circle. “It means, here and now, in Latin. Grady gave it to me on my birthday one year. I think he thought that it would help me to remember to stay in the present, and not …well, to not dwell in the past with the things I couldn't change.”

"That would be good advice for all of us," Frigga said as she walks over to the woman her son has chosen as his, and looks into her worried grey eyes. “Then you had best not worry over things that you cannot change then.” She laughed a little at the pained look Rose gives her. “It is always easier to be the one to give the advice than to be the one to take it, I think.”

“I know what Loki's been dreaming. Thanos will come, and he will tear Asgard apart to get what he wants,” Rose blurted out. She can feel the burn of tears, and she fights not to let them spill over, because what Thanos wants is Loki, and he can’t have him.

Frigga takes her hand and squeezes it tightly, and her voice is fierce. “Then he shall be denied what he wants, for what he wants, he cannot have.” She cants her head to the side and studies Rose for a moment.“Loki is responsible for the deaths of many of your people, but you still care for him, do you not?”

“There many things on my life that I regret, but loving your son will never be one of them,” Rose said after a minute, keeping her eyes on Frigga as she spoke. She can tell that this is what Frigga has been waiting to hear from her, a sign that someone else believes in her son as much as she does.

“It will be dangerous for you as well,” Frigga warns her. “If you have seen what Loki has dreamt, then you know that Thanos will come for you as well.”

“But I don’t understand why,” Rose says, because this has puzzled her since she'd first gotten a glimpse of Loki's dreams. “I'm not magical in the sense that I could do anything to help him.” And then Rose feels her blood run cold at the oddly sympathetic smile Frigga is giving her. “There's nothing I have that he wants,” she insists weakly, and then the other shoe drops with an almost audible thud, and she just _knows_ what Frigga is going to say before she says it.

“It is not you the Titan wants,” Frigga agreed softly.

“I'm sorry, but this has got to be a mistake. I’m not able to … I can't have children. So I think that you've got the wrong girl.” And it's really, really, hard not to squirm under the the wieght of the other woman's knowing eyes, because Rose was painfully aware that several hours before she had been doing everything that could get you pregnant. With Loki. _Shit._

She flinches at the mildly pitying look that Frigga gives her. “Please excuse me for a moment.” Then bolted from the room before she'd even finished the sentence.

Rose shut the door to the bathroom and took a deep breath, and when she looks at herself in the mirror she didn't know whether to laugh or cry. All the color had washed out of her face, making her freckles stand out like ink spattered on white paper. And, oh yeah, and let's not forget about the hair that was worthy of a walk-of-shame, and then the outrageous bite mark on her neck.

_God,_ she was just glad that Frigga hadn't come earlier and walked in on them naked and screwing on the kitchen table. Naked and under Loki _(or on top of_ ) was not the way to meet anyone's mother. Rose blew a breath out and then her hair down, running a brush through it until she no longer looked like she'd been electrocuted, before she finally let herself think about Frigga's words. There was just no way. The doctors had told her years ago that she'd never be able to have children, that when she'd been stabbed it had caused too much internal damage.

Of course, that's before you'd been having marathon-sex with a _fucking magical being_ , she thought frantically. She told her brain to shut-up, and ran an uneasy hand over her flat stomach, and then tried to cast her thoughts inward. Even if she was _(and there was no way it was possible)_ she could be pregnant, a baby wouldn't have any sort of consciousness for her to read this early. She felt nothing, and she had just started to drop her hand when she senses it. Delicate and fragile, almost like butterfly wings against your skin, the touch of another mind reaching out for hers.

And just like that, her world changes forever.

_“Oh. Holy. Jesus,_ ” Rose whispers to her startled reflection. A baby. How can this even be happening to her? How is she supposed to tell Loki that she's pregnant? He can barely stand that he's a Jötunn, and she's going to surprise him with a half-breed baby. A half _mortal_ baby too, because let's not forget the other race he despises.

At least she can tell Grady, she thinks with a slightly hysterical laugh at the thought. He'll make some weird joke about her little mutant baby, and it would make her laugh and then she would feel less like running and hiding.

She tries to focus, and dresses in record time and when she comes back out Frigga is still waiting patiently, and resumes the conversation like Rose hadn't had a momentary mental breakdown.

“It is not you the Titan wants, it is the child,” Frigga says sympathetically this time. “The baby will have the blood of three magical races in it's veins, and Thanos cannot be allowed to take the child. The safest place for you now is with us. We can keep you both hidden from his eyes.”

Rose opens her mouth, shuts it again, then gathers her courage and just says it, “Loki is going to hate me for this.” She motions down at her stomach. “The idea of a baby --”

Frigga takes her hand, then places them over Rose's stomach, giving her fingers a quick squeeze. “Sometimes the best gifts that you can receive, are those you do not ask for. Strength now, child. All things will work out as they should. Now gather your things quickly, we must be off.”

* * *

Rose had been a doctor in training before she'd quit, and between that and the work she'd done for SHIELD she would have thought there would be very little left to shock her.

She was so very wrong. Nothing was like an actual war.

Rose watches as the healer she had been assigned to help tightens the tourniquet around the man's leg as he screams and begs her not to take it. Thinking for the thousandth time that she hopes she doesn't puke on one of her patients, she puts her hand over his pain-filled blue eyes, trying to ignore the agony in his leg long enough to compel him to sleep.

Her ability to heal has been all over the place since they've came to Vanaheim. What before would leave her weak and shaky for hours, no longer seemed to phase her, and healing came easily to her. She had spoken of it somewhat to Adelis, and the older healer said it was very common for healing ability to strengthen as you became older.

Rose really thinks it has much more to do with the fact she's carrying the child of a sorcerer than the age thing, but it's not like she can ask. She knew Adelis was curious about where the father of her child was, but she had let Rose keep her secret without pressing her. Telling your tent-mate that you're pregnant with the Prince of Asgard's child is not exactly discrete, so she had avoided the topic as best she could without outright lying to the woman.

Adelis pats her on the shoulder lightly. “You need to rest little one. It will not do you or the babe any good if you drop from exhaustion.” She smiles kindly and points in the direction of the tents the healers share. Adelis had taken Rose under her wing since the first day and helped her learn her way around. The Vanaheim healers had asked no questions of the Queen, had just agreed to accept the extra help and had hidden the two Midgardians without asking any questions.

Rose nodded wearily, and then started the long walk back to the tent where they sleep. She hadn't seen much of the actual fighting, the Titan's would strike seemingly on a whim in the dark of night, then she and the others would help ease the wounded or the dying during the light of day. The pattern of the attacks was not lost on her though. It was obvious that he was searching for something, and he didn’t mind tearing Vanaheim to shreds looking for it.

If it were just her she thinks she would just give herself up to him, but it's not, and as Frigga had said, what the Titan wanted, he could not have.

Inside the tent it was pleasantly dim and quiet, and she pours steaming water from a pitcher into a basin and starts scrubbing the blood from her hands. They have a neat spell for keeping the water always hot that she envies as she dumps the basin and she starts again with clean water. Rose took off her stained tunic and shift and tosses them in the basket with the other clothes that will need to be washed before she upends the pitcher over her head, rubbing wet hands over her body down to her still flat stomach, wondering at it yet again as she dries off, then tugs a clean shift over her head and plaits her still damp hair into a loose braid.

Adelis said that the tiredness of early pregnancy would pass soon, but for right now she was so tired she ached with it. And if she's being really honest, it's more than that. She misses Loki. Rose thought that she'd done alone for so long it had become second nature to her, but she didn't want to be alone anymore. Didn't have to be when she was with Loki, and she _misses_ him.

She curls up on her cot and runs her palm over her stomach, and reaches out with her thoughts until she can feel the baby, and projects love and well-wishes to her unborn child until they both fall asleep.

* * *

 

She dreams of Thanos.

He holds a knife to her throat and laughs as he threatens Loki. “I will not kill her, Little Liesmith.” He runs a hand over the mound of her stomach, and huffs out another laugh at the shock on Loki's face. “You didn't know you'd bred a child on your mortal whore, did you?”

“I will kill you a thousand times over if you dare harm her,” Loki's voice is seething, and his eyes burn with hate as he stares down the Titan.

“I would not hurt the girl.” Thanos gives Loki a smile as he trails his fingers through Rose's dark hair, making her shudder at the feel of his hands on her. “Your child has the blood of three races running through it's veins. The united magic of three realms, and it will be mine,” he taunts, and the things in his mind are unspeakable. Rose shrieks in denial and tries to twist in his arms, but Thanos holds her immobile by shifting the knife point and jabbing her in the side with it until she feels blood trail down her skin.

“Try that again and I will gut you while the Jötunn watches,” he whispers the words in her ear. The guards point their weapons at Loki while Thanos whispers in her ear, “If you come with me willingly, I will let him live.”

And what do you choose? The person you love the most or the life inside you?

* * *

And that is the point where she awakens, trying not to scream.

They had always been sensitive to one another’s minds, and Grady must have felt her panic because he is suddenly there, and pulls her against him and holds her while she tries not to lose her mind. Because there is no choice.

“It'll be okay, Rosie.” Grady rocks her like she did him when they were children and he was afraid and Rose lets him hold her until she quits shaking and sits up. Grady hands her a cup of water, then pours one for himself, waiting for her to take a drink before he gives her a smile that she just knows means he's up to no-good, and is trying to distract her.

“Another dream where you tell Loki that your having his alien super-spawn?”

“I hate you,” Rose says with a laugh, and blesses her brother for his attempt to divert her from her fears, because it's either that or just start screaming. She laughs instead, then glares at Grady because he's laughing so hard at her he's doubled over. “Stupid Norse God sperm anyway.”

Grady chokes on his drink, and gives her a horrified look. “I could have gone the rest of my life without hearing my sister use the word sperm in a sentence.”

“Oh my God. _Seriously?_ Remember when Mom found a pair of your girlfriend’s panties in the couch cushions that one time, and I covered for your disgusting horny ass and said they were mine? God only knows what the hell she thought I was doing, so I can say the _"S"_ word as much as I want, you jerk.” Rose narrows her eyes at Grady as he snickers at the memory, then takes a cheap shot just to mess with him.

_“Sperm, sperm, sperm,”_ she chants, then she watches him gag and pantomime vomiting into his cup. Rose's voice turns serious after a minute though. “What am I going to tell him? I think to say that he's not going to be excited about having a Frost Giant/Mortal love-child is probably the understatement of the century.”

Grady did an exaggerated spit-take with water that makes her smile in spite of everything. “I never thought of that! What if the baby's blue?”

Rose snorts. “Never mind the blue part. Blue's not the problem. It's the _giant_ part that's freaking me out.”

Grady gives her a sanguine smile. “Be glad that whole horse-rumor thing isn't true, otherwise the baby could have multiple legs too.”

“I dare you to say that in front of Loki.” And she's giggling helplessly, because her dumbass brother does not get the fact that she's going to have to get the baby out somehow.

“So what’s going on with your dreams? I thought our cousin Olivia was the one who had the whole seer thing going on.” Grady smiles at her gently, but his tone is worried. “You can tell the attacks are running in patterns now, and the Vanir will figure out soon that they’re looking for us.”

“No. Not us,” Rose corrects him softly. _“Me._ Thanos is looking for me.” She had just started to tell Grady that she can’t choose between them, when she notices the complete absence of sound outside the tent. She looks at her brother and feels like she is free-falling and is just about to hit bottom.

“Why is it so quiet, Grady?” There is instant alarm in his eyes, and he pulls her to her feet and tosses her clothes at her. “Hurry and get dressed, we need to go now.”

They walk out of the tent and it is eerily quiet as they look around, then it becomes obvious that it is the lull before the storm, because the world erupts in smoke and fire.

There are people running and screaming now, because Thanos has given up on subtlety, and is burning all in his path.

The healers try to help the wounded escape their tents, and those with offensive magics try to slow down the flames, but the fire burns like nothing Rose has ever seen before. It is a sickly shade of blue, and when touches the skin of one of the Vanir sorcerers, it crawls over his skin, then it burns him alive from the inside out while he screams.

Rose grabs Grady’s hand and together they run to where the least mobile of the wounded are kept. She sees Adelis helping the ones who can’t walk unaided into carts, then the healer looks at her and Grady with wide, horrified eyes.

“Go now,” she tells Rose, she gestures in the direction of the two cloaked sentries. “Follow them to the where the Bifröst can be opened. They will call to Heimdall, and he can take you all to Asgard from there.” She gives Rose a nudge to get her moving. “If this madman finds you what he is doing now will be nothing compared to what he will do to the Nine if he gets his filthy hands on the babe.” Adelis gives Rose a quick kiss on the cheek, and then pushes her in the direction of the waiting soldiers, as the balefire light from the flames come closer. “Run, as fast as you can.”

When they come to the rise of the slight hill above the encampment, and can look back on those they left behind there is enough light to see that the healers tents are now swallowed by the blue flames, and soon the screams of the dying are the only sounds left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And yeah, I went there. 
> 
> Ducks flying objects... 
> 
> Still not sorry!!!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is pretty much 4K of smut. Think blue...

“All the things one has forgotten scream for help in dreams.”

~ Elias Canetti

* * *

Loki thinks the fact that the All-Father has yet to say anything about his return to Asgard is telling of just how concerned he is about the threat that Thanos is bringing with him to bear on their realm. He and Thor had gone to Vanaheim, and so far the Titans were still striking mostly at night. It is becoming pointedly obvious that Thanos is looking for something, and while a part of him was so sure that Thanos was looking for him -- he is now starting to have doubts. The biggest because he had been to Vanaheim several times, and he had taken no particular care to hide himself. If Thanos had wanted him, he would not have been difficult to find.

There is a persistent feeling in the back of his mind telling him that something is amiss, and while it has been plaguing him for days, he cannot determine the source, but suspects that it has something to do with Rose.

Loki scowls down at his wine goblet, thinking if he were being honest, it is the _absence_ of Rose that is really the problem. He had had other lovers before her of course, but he finds that all prior affections he’d had for others seemed to pale in comparison to the bond he had found with this mortal girl. Rose had somehow carved a place for herself inside the depths of his heart, and it would not be put aside easily, or at all it would seem. But more to the point, he does not want to put her aside.

Loki has ever been the Trickster, the Silvertongue, the Liesmith, but Rose sees him true, sees inside him the way no one else ever has. He had always been a fairly solitary creature, had never needed anyone to stand at his side -- but he is filled with a pang of longing for her that is breathtaking in its intensity.

Loki sighs as he watches Thor comment on whatever Odin had just said and thinks it’s a good thing that one of them had been listening, because he himself had ceased to do so about a half-hour ago if he were still of the mind to be forthright.

There was another thing, this concept of being honest about things was a distressing new tendency he was showing. _What next,_ he wondered gloomily. But he truly liked just talking to Rose, she was genuinely interested in what he had to say, and if he did tell her an untruth she was quick to call him out on it. They had conversed on all manner of things and the most disturbing part was the fact he was interested in what her opinion was on different subjects they had discussed as well.

He had cursed Thor for his sentiment for others, but he no longer had any leeway to cast stones because now, he was just as guilty as Thor for allowing sentiment to rule his heart. He gives his glass of wine another dark look, as he realizes that he is now brooding like a youth at the onset of first lov --

Loki rubs his temples as he cut off the thought, because he has evidently run mad again. He has been tormented nightly since his return to Asgard over month ago with all manner of dreams that have no conclusion. Or not any conclusion that he will accept at any rate. He will not allow Rose to die at the hands of the Titan. She is safe on Midgard, and he will kill Thanos long before he ever has a chance to know she even exists. He has gone about his days with Thor and the Warriors Three, trying to get in sight of the Titan, but so far Thanos has proved adept at eluding them. Loki had thought at first that he would be drug before Odin to be tortured once more upon his return -- no matter what Thor had said to the contrary -- but the All-Father seemed content to suffer the presence of a Jötunn in silence if it meant ridding Asgard of the threat of the Titans.

Loki is lost in his thoughts, and that is never a good place to be when in Odin's private counsel-room, but oddly enough the distraction comes in the form of a maid bending Frigga’s ear with an apologetic look, rather than the All-Father reprimanding him for his lack of attention. The servant scurried over to Frigga, and Loki watched as his mother’s eyes widened in alarm at whatever the woman was telling her. Frigga quickly excused herself to her husband and sons, then she followed the maid out of the hall.

It was the furtive look on her face that had him following her and eavesdropping shamelessly on her conversation.

“Tell me, what has happened with her?” Frigga kept her voice hushed, as she spoke to the Einherjar who was waiting to talk to her.

The healer looked thoroughly rattled as she spoke, “The girl has woken up, and I believe it was the fact we had restrained her that has her frightened so. They had given her a potion for pain, and she does not appear to understand we are trying to come to her aid. She has injured Inge already because we cannot get her to calm herself. Her arm is --” The healer paused and she took a breath. “She has been sore abused by someone before. I think if she had someone she trusts we could get her to understand, but she is too trapped by past fears to settle.”

Margrethe lowers her voice to a whisper, “She has been calling for Prince Loki.”

“Have you run mad?” Loki asked as he allows himself to become visible. He is gritting his teeth to keep from shouting at his mother. “You, who have the gift of foresight, would bring the woman I lo --” He stops himself before he says the rest of it -- as if he does not voice the words aloud to her it will not make them be true.

Frigga just gives Loki a pitying look, she has ever been able to see into his heart and just tells him, “You need to go to her.” She knows he is furious with her, but he gives her a stiff nod, then disappears in a swirl of magic.

* * *

Loki pulls up short at the sight of Rose in the healing chambers. Her hair was a wild tangle around her face, and she had her teeth bared at the group of healers that were trying to get close to her, and as he watches she flings herself backward again. Even as she moans at the pain it causes her, she still thrashes violently against the restraints, and then Loki could see what she had done to herself. The front of her gown was spattered with blood from where she’d cut herself, and from the elbow down her arm was a bloody mess. They had bound her arm to the bed, and she had pulled back as far as she could get and was trying to tear herself free, and from the looks of it she was in a blind panic.

“We had to pin her arm so she could not move it and make the injury worse, and when she awoke she went mad,” Silje said quietly. “She is too frightened to be made to see reason and she will not let anyone close.” The healer touches his arm to stay him. “She has been calling for you.”

“Rose,” he says softly. Loki opens his mind to hers, and for a moment all he can feel is her fear beating at him. The pain in her arm is a sharp stab of agony that has him gritting his teeth, and he watches in shock as she flings herself back with a shriek trying to free herself once again.

When the girl had been killed Rose had said that she had woken up shackled, and from what Loki had seen of the extensive scarring on her arm, she had peeled the flesh from her arm in a effort to get loose and come to the girl’s aid. And he can feel something in his heart wrench at the piteous sounds she is making as she thrashes in vain to free herself.

“It is not as you think,” he tells her. “You are safe here, and I will allow no harm come to you.” Loki takes out his dagger to cut the binding that is tethering her to the bed, and she makes a soft noise like a wounded animal as she collapses to her knees, and it sickens him to watch her scuttle back from him in fear.

“Have a care,” Silje said in warning. “She badly injured Inge earlier.” Then she watches open-mouthed as her prince knelt next to the Migardian girl while calling softly to her.

Loki crouches down in front of her saying her name as he carefully pulls Rose to him, feeling the link between them click into place, like a key being turned in a lock. She whispers his name, and her pale eyes fill with tears as she grabbed a handful of his shirt and buried her face against his chest. Loki scooped her up, then he asks the Einherjar to have his mother meet them in his quarters and then carries her to his room. By the time he gets there she has gone limp in his arms, and he wonders how she came to be injured like this, and how she came to be in Asgard at all for that matter. He carefully lays her on his bed, and while she moans softly, she doesn’t seem to fully awaken as he removes her blood spattered shift to clean the wound on her arm. Loki rewraps it, and then he carefully props it on a pillow so she does not hurt herself further. He has pulled a chair up beside the bed and is watching her worriedly when Frigga comes to him.

For a moment Loki does not see her, and when he looks up he sees that Frigga is watching him with a small smile on her face that widens when he scowls at her. For a moment Frigga just studies her son as he attends the girl, and while the mother in her aches for the trials her youngest son has been through, she is also fiercely glad he has found happiness with the Midgardian. She knows he would deny it, but the raw look in his eyes tells the truth that he will not allow himself to believe.

“She loves you very much,” Frigga says quietly. She sees Loki stiffen at her words, but he said nothing for a long moment as he watches Rose sleep.

“I do not understand,” he confesses, and she feels her heart breaks a little for him.

“When you were a child you would ever question all manner of things,” she said as she leans over and presses a kiss to his cheek. “Rose is a smart girl, and very brave as well. They were cut off trying to leave Vanaheim, and she put herself between the others and harm. She slew two the Titans single-handedly.”

Loki gave an unhappy huff of laugher at that. Rose had a type of rare courage that shames him betimes. In the time he has known her, she had stood up to him, let him rage at her, and had never shown any sense of self-preservation as she coaxed him back into the land of the living.

Frigga rechecks Rose’s injuries, unwrapping her injured arm and applying a healing salve to the raw skin. She rewraps it, splinting it lightly to keep it immobile, and then she gives Loki a small vial. “Try and keep her from injuring herself further. This is a potion for pain if she wakes again soon and needs it, but I think she will rest peacefully now that you are with her.” She ignores the dark look Loki gives her, and ruffles his hair gently. “I will be back come the morning to check on her, and we will speak more then.”

Loki watches his mother leave before he lies down behind Rose so her back is to him, and carefully wraps his arm around her. He can feel her slowly start to go lax in his arms, and when he knows she is sleeping well, he whispers that he has missed her, that he will keep her safe and he will not be parted from her again. Loki can feel some part of himself that he refuses to acknowledge finally calm now that she is by his side once more, and he sighs as he tucks himself closer to her.

* * *

Rose woke up with a gasp of fear in the middle of the night, and she feels Loki against her skin, inside her mind, and she makes a strangled noise in her throat that has him tightening his arm around her. She ignores the grinding pain in her arm, and turns to face him, tracing the lines of his face with a shaking hand because he’s here, and she can finally touch him again.

“I knew you’d come for me,” she said as she rubbed her cheek against his before resting her head on his chest. The quiet intensity in her voice has Loki frowning in confusion, then he realizes she is still groggy from the pain draught. “He had me alone in the dark for so long,” her voice trails off, and her eyes are almost closed before she speaks again, “he wants her … the things he’ll do to her … we won’t let him.”

Loki sees she is sleeping again and puzzles over her words, thinking he will ask her when she is once again clearheaded and kisses her cheek, and this time he lets himself sleep as well.

* * *

The next time Rose wakes up she thinks she can’t breathe, and she realizes that Loki has her tucked almost completely underneath him. Her arm is propped on the pillow once more, but Loki has put himself between her and the door, between her and harm, and has draped himself over her protectively, his long arms wrapped around her and holding her tightly.

She thinks she should get up and go help with the wounded. Rose also thinks she really needs to grow a damn backbone and tell Loki that she’s pregnant. That while he cannot make peace with the fact he’s Jötunn, he’s going to be a father of a child that’s half-Jötunn and half-mortal. And in all reality, probably half-Aesir as well, because that’s what she really thinks Loki’s parentage is, and is yet another conversation to postpone until later. And won’t all that probably go over well?

Rose decides that for just a minute it all can wait, and lets herself just enjoy being with him again. The link between them is a soft warmth in the back of her mind, and she has missed him more than she would have thought was possible, now that she’s with him again she can finally admit it.

Rose closes her eyes again and listens to Loki snoring softly, and smiles to herself, then she huffs out a laugh when he answers her thought aloud. “I do not snore,” Loki grumbled. He was loathe to admit it, but it was the first good sleep he has had since they had been parted. “How are you feeling now?”

“Better. I’m sorry about going crazy like that. I think I really hurt that woman.” Rose closes her eyes and tries to remember what happened after the Titans had almost captured them. And then all comes flooding back.

She had killed one of the Titans that had captured Grady, and she remembers how easily his heart exploded in his chest, blood suddenly pouring from his mouth, and how she had stood and watched as the light died in his eyes. And she was glad. Glad she killed him, because he would killed all of them if she had not. The other one had tried to run after he saw his comrade fall, and she had killed that one as well. More of them had tried to stop them from fleeing through the Bifröst, and the guards had held them off with swords and magic.

She remembers that she’d taken a blow that had broken her arm, and after that the rest is just bits and pieces until she’d woken in Asgard. The pain in her arm and waking tethered to the bed had driven her wild with fear, forced her back to the dark time where the taunts of a madman, and the lost screams of a child played through her mind _again_ and _again_ and _again_.

Loki leans over, as he can feel the direction her thoughts are taking her, and turns her head so she is forced to look at him. “The healer will be fine,” he said, then he kisses her until he can feel that she is back with him, and not trapped by the past in her mind. “Do not think such dark thoughts. You are with me now, and I will not allow you to come to any more harm.”

Loki turns her so that she is sprawled over his chest, and after a long moment Rose lays her head against him and listens to the steady beat of his heart before she raised herself up on her good arm and turns and looks down at Loki. His black hair hangs in his eyes, and she tucks a stray piece of it behind his ear as she studies his face. Her hair is curlier than his, but his has a long wave to it that she thinks is prettier, and then she laughs when his eyes pop open in outrage at her thoughts. “I do _not_ have pretty hair,” Loki growled at her. “I will shave my head if you keep thinking such things.”

Then he says no more because Rose is kissing him, and she is sifting her fingers through his hair, and it feels so very good that Loki no longer cares about anything except for the feel of her in his arms. He had stripped her of the bloody gown before putting her to bed and she is all warm skin against his, and Loki runs his hands down her back to the curve of her hips and revels in the feel of her. He huffs out a laugh when Rose tugs him upright with her good hand, and then she raises up on her knees and takes him inside her in a slow move that has him gasping her name. And she is warm in his arms, and she is _here_ , and Loki is just lost to it all. Rose nipped his bottom lip, then licks inside his mouth, sucking on his tongue in a motion that mimics the way she is riding his body until Loki pulls back with a moan. She carefully balances her splinted arm on his shoulder as she stills, keeping him as deep inside her as she can, then she kisses her way along his jaw and down his neck. She raises her eyes up to meet his, and the raw hunger in his green eyes is shocking. He is shuddering under her hands, and she can feel Loki tense under her in anticipation as she nips teasingly at his collarbone, then she licks the curve of his neck, and when she bites down he throws his head back with a strangled sound. Loki’s fingers dig into her hips as he pulls her down onto him, keeping her firmly pinned to him as his orgasm overwhelms him. He can feel her muscles tighten around him, and she comes as well, and he loses all pretense of control, shifting without thought to his Jötunn form, leaving Rose blinking down at him in surprise.

He is still hard inside her, and he wants her teeth on him again, so he tilts his head to the side in silent invitation to her. And he needs this, and when Rose bites him again Loki bucks his hips up into her, as another orgasm has him growling her name. He rolls them over carefully, and starts thrusting inside her in long, slow strokes until they are both right on the edge, and she is almost unbearable tight, and the heat of her … Loki moans as he pulls out, sitting back and pulling her legs apart, running his tongue across her clit slowly until he can feel her starts to quiver under hands. He sucks at her then, long fingers finding the perfect angle to make her arch against him, and then he drives himself hard inside her again. He thinks the sensation of the markings on his cock rubbing against her is all it takes to for both of them, and when Rose comes with a cry, Loki comes as well. She can feel Loki shaking against her, and despite the Frost Giant title, he feels hot inside her. She shifts under him to settle him more deeply because he is still rock-hard, and is staring down at her with wild eyes.

It was harder to tell with the dark red eyes, but there is a look of shock on his face that is impossible to miss. He is shuddering as if the sensation is almost beyond bearing to him, and she rolls him onto his back and braces her good arm on his chest and slowly rocks against him. The feeling that she is picking up from Loki isn’t hard for her to decipher because it is just a litany of: mine, mine, mine. Rose can feel what he wants though, what he needs from her, and she pulls him upright and tilts her head back and can instantly feels him react to the sight. Loki has his teeth set his in her neck before she can blink, and this time it just fucking _hurts_. It burns like he is setting a brand upon her skin when he bites down, but any words of protest are lost as she feels him spill his seed inside her, and she feels his orgasm so intensely it makes her vision blur, and she collapses against his chest as the sensation rocks through her as well.

It is all Loki can do to cradle Rose against his chest as he tries to relearn to breathe. He knows he hurt her, he had _felt_ it, and the shame of it is dark and bitter, and it cuts him worse than blade ever could. The one person that has never born any ill feeling towards him and he has willingly hurt her. Loki shifts back to his Asgardian form and can think of nothing to say as Rose crawls off him silently. He thinks if he keeps his eyes shut for a moment longer he will not have to see the disgust in her eyes for him. The base urge to rut on her in his Jötunn form is disconcerting to say the least. Loki had never known before that he was not truly Aesir, and had never had the desire to do what he had done to her with anyone else before.

“Um, Loki.” Rose is looking in the mirror at her neck and can’t quite believe it. She looks over at the bed and sees that Loki is lost to his thoughts, and none of them are good from what she’s feeling. Rose studies him for a minute, he is Asgardian shaped once more and has an arm thrown over his face, no doubt to shield himself from the disgust he expects to see in her eyes.

She frowns in the mirror, then runs her fingers over the mark on her neck and she can hear Loki’s startled gasp at the sensation from across the room. He’d sat up in shock and was staring at her now, green eyes wide with horror.

Rose understood why the bite on her neck had burned now, it had settled into her skin like the marks of a brand. It ran up her neck, then trailed down over her collarbone slightly, the lines of it were very slightly raised and it wasn’t much darker than her natural skin tone, but it was definitely visible. It was only about three inches long, and looked like an ornate version of an infinity knot, and evidently closely tied to Loki because he inhaled sharply when she trailed a fingernail over the sinuous lines of it.

Rose smiles slightly at the expression on his face. “I take it this is new for you as well?” She’s trying to keep her voice calm because she can tell that Loki is about one step from bolting from the room. It is without a doubt some sort of sigil, but from what Loki has told her and what she has seen in his thoughts, he has no more idea than she does what it truly means.

What Loki is thinking and what he refuses to say aloud, is that he thinks it is some sort of bonding or mating symbol of the Jötunn. He can see the exact moment she picks up on that thought by her next words.

“Do you get one too?” Rose asked as looks over her shoulder at Loki.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanos is coming.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would have had this up this morning, but AO3 was having issues and defying me!

“There are things so horrible that even the dark is afraid of them.”

~ Terry Pratchett

* * *

Loki inhales sharply, and he can feel hot color flooding his cheeks as Rose grins over her shoulder at him. Her pale eyes are sparkling with amusement, and something inside him just snaps at the sight of her smiling at him like that. So utterly without guile, like she hadn’t just seen him act completely depraved. Will the foolish girl never do as he expects? He has shown her the very worst of himself, and yet she is still here. Still professing to love him, and Loki, who is a master of deceptions, knows it for truth, because he can feel it.

And while he had mocked Thor for the sentiment, Loki wants this, wants _her,_ wants to keep her with him for all time. Before he can even give himself time to think of the repercussions to it he’s on feet across the room before Rose can do much more than blink at him, pulling her close to him as he buries his face in her hair. “I missed you,” Loki said accusingly as he pulls back so he can look her in the eye.

Rose reaches up and pulls him in for a kiss, brushing her lips softly across his. “Good.” She huffs a laugh at the petulant expression on his face, then wraps an arm around his waist and rests her head against his chest and listens to the steady beat of his heart. “I missed you too.”

“Why are you here? How are you here?” Loki cradles her splinted arm in his hand. “You are lucky to be alive.” And he wants to shake her. Does she not know that she could have been killed? He scoops her up and settles her back in his bed, placing a pillow on her lap for her to rest her arm on and sits down as well.

“Tell me that you wouldn’t have done the same thing if the situation were reversed?” Rose can feel tears welling up in her eyes, and curses the pregnancy hormones for making her so damn emotional all the time now. “Tell me that you would have left me to fight alone instead of doing everything you could to keep me safe. Don’t ask it of me, because I can’t do it.”

Rose can feel myriad emotions swirling through Loki, but he is spared having to answer her by a knock on the door. He shoots her a look that says the conversation isn’t over, then he quickly dresses them both with magic before opening the door.

“I beg pardon, but the Queen has requested that I bring this to the Lady Rose,” Silje said with a curtsy, and a shy smile. The Einherjar has a covered tray with food on it, and when Loki stands back and bids her to enter, she brings it over to the bed and sits it next to Rose.

“The Queen also wishes to speak with you,” Silje said to Loki. “I would be honored to stay with your lady until you return, if you wish.” Loki nods in assent. “I will return directly,” he hesitates at the door before speaking again, “Rose, I -- we will speak when I get back.”

Silje hands Rose a small cup after the door closes. “This will help you get your strength back.”

Rose took the cup from her and takes a small sip. “This tastes wonderful.” She takes a larger drink, then smiles at Silje and holds her arm out when the healer beckons to it. The older woman gently tests Rose’s mobility of her broken arm while she finishes the potion, and Silje is unwrapping the splint when a wave of dizziness makes the room go out of focus for a minute. Rose rubs her eyes with her good hand, and when she looks at the blond Einherjar … she looks … _wrong._

The gentle hand on her arm turns into a bone crushing grip that makes her give a moan in protest, and when her vision wavers again the lines around the older woman ripple and blur. Rose staggers to her feet, then collapses to knees as her legs refuse to hold her, and she watches in horror as it is revealed who really has her.

The glamour that was wrapped around the Einherjar has dropped completely now, and the slim fingers on her arm turn into a masculine hand that is tipped in claws that carve lines into her skin, and the healer with the kind blue eyes slowly transforms into the tall, hooded figure that has been haunting her dreams.

Rose wants to scream for help, to run, but her vision is swimming in and out of focus, and the words die in her throat as whatever she had drank takes a deeper hold on her body. She thinks she should try to kill the Titan before he can take her, but her mind feels _numb_ , and even as she tries to pull away her body simply refuses to respond.

Thanos bends over her and pulls her gown up and he sniffs along her skin, and inhales deeply as he does it. The action reminds her of animal scenting something it likes, and he makes a pleased sound as he drags his tongue over the skin of her stomach and it is all she can do not to retch at the sensation.

“Very good,” Thanos croons at her. “The Jötunn has done well for himself this time.” He reaches down and picks her up, carrying her out of the room and down the hall for all to see, and soon Rose can hear cries of alarm being raised, and then the sounds of fighting. Thanos has brought his Chitauri with him, and the shapeshifters slaughter all in their path as they make their way to the observatory.

“I want him to suffer. I want him to bleed forever from the pain of this,” Thanos whispers in her ear. “I want the Liesmith to know who has you, to know that he has brought this upon himself, upon you, for failing me.”

And it doesn’t take long before he gets the reaction he wants, and she hears Loki speaking.

“You will release her at once,” Loki’s voice is cold, but Rose has never been so glad to hear anything in her entire life.

Thanos turned at that, and Rose can see Thor standing with his brother. They have a cadre of guards with them as well as the Warriors Three and the Lady Sif, and dear God, _Grady._ They all have weapons drawn and pointed at Thanos. Rose can feel the laughter rumble through the Titan’s chest, and he shifts her in his arms until she can feel the dagger jabbing her in the side, and it is her dream come to life.

“I will not hurt her or the child,” Thanos said, and rubs a hand slowly over her stomach, chuffing out a laugh at the look of dawning comprehension on Loki’s face. “You truly did not know you had bred a child on your mortal whore, did you?”

“I will kill you slowly a thousand times over if you dare to harm her.” Loki’s voice is seething with rage, and his green eyes burn bright with hate as he stares down the Titan.

“I won’t kill her. At least not yet. The child has the blood of three magical races running through its veins, and it will be mine to use as I see fit,” Thanos taunts him with it as he rubs his face against Rose’s hair.

Rose can see into his mind then, and the awful clarity of it makes her shriek in denial at his words, and as she tries pull free of his arms he jabs the knife harder into her side.

“Try that again and I will kill the Jötunn in front of you,” Thanos snarls at her. The shapeshifters have their weapons pointed at the Asgardians, and then Thanos says the words that damn her.

“You love him do you not? You choose girl,” he murmured against her ear. “Does he live or die? The babe or your lover?”

And just like in her nightmare, it is no choice at all.

“No! Rose, don’t you dare!” Grady shouts at her. He’s pushed his way between the Warriors Three and Thor, and she can hear the panic ringing in his voice. “He’s lying. He’s planning on killing --” And the rest ends in a choked gurgle when one of the Chitauri plants a knife in her brother’s chest.

Rose screams Grady’s name as she twists in Thanos’ grip, concentrates on the feel of his heart, the blood pumping through his veins, then she wraps all her power around it and she crushes it. And for a moment, she has him, and she feel the pain explode in _hisherstheir_ chest as they crash to the ground together.

Loki can see that Rose is doing her best to kill Thanos, and he feels a wild surge of hope when she drops the Titan to his knees and he sees a dark river of blood pouring from his mouth. He is fighting his way to her when he sees Thanos bury his knife in her side, and Loki can feel the pain of it like he’d taken the blade himself as it staggers him.

Thanos spits a mouthful of blood on the ground and picks Rose up again, and Loki can see then that her gown is soaked with crimson while she is still trying to pull away from him, and then they are just … gone.

* * *

The last thing Rose hears is Loki roaring in protest as Thanos takes her between realms, and it is cold and black and _empty,_ and it hurts like nothing she’s ever felt before, and then there is only the dark as she finally passes out.

* * *

The cell that have put her in is dark and cold, and she can hear the far off sounds of others and the whispers of whatever is crawling on the floor. Rose pulls her feet up on the stone bench so she is sitting in the middle of it and rests her head on her knees, and she thinks she doesn’t know what is worse -- waiting for them to come for her, or if they do not come at all.

* * *

Rose has lost track of how long she has been here, because now, her world is consumed by darkness. They feed her enough to keep her from starving, but she doesn’t want to think too hard about what it is they feed her, and she is always cold. She tries to tell herself that she can tell the passage of time by the changes in her body because her stomach is no longer flat, and the baby is a warm presence in her mind as she runs a palm along the round curve of her side, smiling when the baby responds with a ripple of movement at her touch.

When Thanos had first brought her here, Rose had been sure that he would kill her in a fit of rage. She had killed the Chitauri that had healed her before he had realized that whatever he had drugged her with had worn off, and Thanos had gripped her by the chin hard enough Rose thought he was going to break her jaw as he turned her head to look at the body. “You should have a care girl. I won’t be so quick to save you next time.”

Thanos dug his fingers harder into her skin. “Next time I will let the Chitauri have you.” His bright blue eyes are cold as he ran a finger over the knot-work of the sigil on her neck. “This is a Jötunn mating symbol.” He laughs as she tries to jerk back away from him, and despite how afraid she is, she is also curious about what he is saying.

“Your prince wouldn’t be able to tolerate having another male touching you like this,” he said as he dug the tip of a claw into the lines of the mark until she can feel blood start to slide down her skin, then he slowly licks at the blood that runs along the curve of her neck. “He would be compelled to fight for you.”

Thanos bared bloodied fangs at her in a cruel parody of a smile. “I will have him bound in chains and let my men spread your legs and rut upon you until he runs mad from it.” “Most think the Frost Giants as little more than animals, but they know fealty to one another in a way that most other beings will never begin to comprehend.” Thanos smiled at the growing fear he can see in her eyes. “Once they are mated they are scarce able to bear the touch of another.”

“If I did not need the child, I would let the Chitauri rape it from your belly in front of him,” he said almost absently as he lets her go.

* * *

 

And after that, time starts to get away from her.

* * *

Rose is beginning to wonder if she’ll end up dying here, but the part of her that refuses to give up, also refuses to have her baby in this shithole, and she tells herself she will find a way out of this. Thanos had moved her from the cell they had initially put her in to an actual room of sorts when the Chitauri, Uial, had noticed she was slowly fading from lack of mental contact, and had brought it to Thanos’ attention. Thanos had seemed disgusted by the weakness, but a few days later she got Uial, Tafeer, and Argass as her fulltime guards.

The Chituari’s minds were unique in the fact there was little deception in their thoughts, and she wonders if they would even be capable of real subterfuge despite the ability to change their forms. Uial is the one that is with her the most often, and alien or not the soothing pattern of his thoughts keeps her from losing her mind entirely.

Uial opened the door to her cell and said it was time for her to bathe, and then he sat impassively with his back to her while he sharpened what looked like some type of short sword while she washed her hair and body. The first time he had brought Rose to the shower, all she could think about was what Thanos had told her about having his men rape her, and she’d panicked and tried to run.

Uial had picked her up, growling when she tried to kick him in the balls and had tossed her over his shoulder and carried her back in the room before shoving her under the water, and it was the slight thread of amusement she felt in his mind that kept her from trying to kill him.

“You stink, human,” Uial had grumbled as he pushed her back under the stream of water when she tried to run again. “If I am forced to guard you, then I require you not to smell thus.”

Rose had pushed her wet hair out of her eyes as she stared at him, then started laughing at the revulsion in his voice. She laughed until she was gasping for breath and her sides ached from it, and then, _fuck you hormones_ , had started crying. Uial had narrowed his golden eyes at her, then picked up a bottle and dumped some soap on her head and started washing her hair.

“You are mate-sick,” Uial said quietly to her as he carefully rinsed the soap out of her hair. When she just gives him a blank look, the shapeshifter cocked his head to the side, then he gestured to the mark on her neck though he took care not to touch it. “It is … unusual for a mated pair to be long away from one another.” The Chitauri aren’t mind-readers exactly, but they can communicate with one another mentally on some level, and Rose listened to the hum of the shapeshifter’s thoughts as she finished showering.

It had been his complete lack of interest in seeing her naked that finally got her to calm down enough to scrub away what feels like years worth of crud off her body, and Uial handed her a clean shirt and pants to dress in and had taken her to her new room afterwards and when he turns to leave, she thanks him.

“Do not waste your platitudes on me. I am only doing what I was ordered to do,” Uial had snarled, baring his teeth at her. “I was one of the few that Thanos thought would not try to crawl between you thighs in the dark. You are a ugly thing, but I may be persuaded to change my mind if you try my patience.”

And just like that, Rose can feel he is lying -- knows he would never touch her like that, and the knowledge makes her bold.

“You’re lying,” Rose says softly, and watched as Uial’s golden eyes widened in horror and a low growl rumbled in his chest as he stares at her. “You lost your mate. Your child. Didn’t you?”

Since then, Rose no longer worried about what he saw her doing.

“Uial,” Rose says his name, and he looks up from the blade he was sharpening. “What does Thanos want with the baby? What is she going to be able to do that no one else can?”

Alien golden eyes widened at the question. “Have you not worked it out yet?” Uial tests the metal with his thumb before running a cloth over the gleaming metal, then sheathes the sword. Then he stands up and walks over to her. “You, as a mere human, hurt him and hurt him badly. Could you imagine what your daughter will be able to do? To anyone?”

At her confused look the shapeshifter leans closer to her and lowers his voice. “Under the Titan’s reign she will have all the worlds at his feet. And then he will have her destroy them.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And OMG, I just realized that there were over 100 kudos for this and my brain exploded from all the feels! 
> 
> Seriously, I love all you guys!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If this were a food it would have angst filling...

_“Pain, unlike pleasure, wears no mask.”_

~ Oscar Wilde

* * *

_“Loki!”_ Thor bellows his name as he throws open the door to his chamber hard enough it cracks down the middle after hitting the wall. He bounds into the room like he had done countless times when they were children -- with endless enthusiasm -- because he wanted Loki to accompany him on some adventure or another before skidding to a halt and gaping at him, shocked momentarily speechless at the sight of the mess that Loki’s room become since Odin had confined him to it.

His normally neat brother had let his bedroom devolve into something even _he_ would object to, Thor thinks as he looks around with wide eyes. Books were scattered across every available surface, wads of paper were balled up in drifts on the floor, and then there was Loki himself. His pale skin was spattered with ink, and he looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks. His brother was sitting at his desk working on what looked like a drawing of the pathways of Yggdrasil, and his green eyes are haunted as he looks up at him.

“Loki, I have wonderful news!” Thor burst out. “It is --”

Loki scowls as he cuts him off mid-sentence. “Do you no longer bother to knock?”

“Never mind the knocking! Mother has gotten Father to agree to speak with you about the Lady Rose!” Thor said excitedly.

Loki has Thor by the shoulders, and is shaking him hard before he can get another word formed in response. “How? How has she done this?”

“I believe that Mother has shown him the error of his ways,” Thor said with a short laugh, but the icy look that Loki gives him has him telling the rest of the tale. “She has shown him how necessary the girl will be to the future of Asgard. That and I believe he is weary of locking horns with Mother.”

Loki snorted out a humorless laugh. “If Odin ever thinks that crossing Frigga would end well for him, then he has not been paying close enough attention these long years.”

When he makes for the door, Thor grabs his arm to stop him. “You cannot go before Father looking like that. Take a moment to make yourself presentable.”

“Is it true then?” Thor asks, as he waits for him to change.

“Is what true?” Loki replies absently as he starts changing clothes. He tugs the clean tunic over his head, then runs a brush through the tangled mess of his hair. He scrubs his face clean of ink, and when he looks at his reflection he decides that it will have to be satisfactory, because he isn’t going to take time to do more.

“That you are to be a father?” Thor says curiously. “We all heard the Titan’s words.”

Loki swallows hard, then meets Thor’s blue eyes, “I did not know of it then, and now … even if Thanos spoke true --” He has to clear his throat before he can speak again, “The Titan will hurt her for my failing him.”

“We will get her back for you,” Thor says gravely, then he pulls Loki into a hug. “And then we shall have the celebration of our lives after we do. You are to be a father!”

And after all that had come between them, the idea that Thor, would call the birth of his child a cause to celebrate, leaves Loki unable to do naught but reluctantly return the embrace of his brother. 

* * *

 

Loki wonders if the All-Father can his hear his heart trying to pound itself free from his chest, because he does not remember the last time he was so afraid. He has come to ask him for help, and he knows there is no chance, no hope at all that Odin will aid him in this, but still he has to ask, to beg him on bended knee if he has to, because the only other option is to fail Rose again, and that he cannot do.

Odin looks up at him, and the All-Father’s pale, blue-eyed gaze is as unreadable as it has ever been to him. Frigga is sitting with him, and it is the worry in her eyes for him that makes him feel like he is but child again that has done some mischief and is about to be punished for it.

“I need you to help her. The Titan will see her slain if for no other reason than to punish me for failing him.” Loki looks up after he speaks, and sees that Odin is studying him.

“And what is it exactly that you would have me do? Have Asgard go to war with the Titans over one girl? She is not Asgardian, not Aesir. What is her value to us?” Odin raises a brow as he waits for Loki to answer him.

“Thanos wants her child for --”

“Her child?” Odin cuts his words off sharply. “Is it not your child as well?”

Loki swallows hard. “Yes, but it will not be --” and the rest of what he wants to say - _that the child will not be one of us_ \- dies in his throat. Because he is not one of them. And he still wants to howl at the pain of it.

“It will be an abomination. A monster,” he whispers.

The loud _thwack_ of his mother’s hand slapping the polished wood of the table breaks him loose from his thoughts.

“You are my son,” Frigga’s blue eyes were filled with tears. “And that is your _daughter_ that you speak of so harshly.”

“My daughter?” Loki can hardly get the words out past the lump in his throat that threatens to choke him.

“Yes,” Frigga said. “I have seen your daughter.”

Odin waves her words aside. “Do you not see? It makes no difference to him. Any of it. This daughter of his that he will not claim? He just named her monster. His Rose, as you called her, what does she matter? She is just one more _worthless_ mortal in his eyes.”

Loki stands up then and grips the back of his chair so hard he can feel the wood creak under his hands. “Thanos will kill her.”

“It does not matter what the Titan does with the mortal. The child may be powerful, but it will be many long years before she comes into her powers and such a future would come to pass.” Odin said with a shrug.

When Frigga makes a sound of protest, Odin silences her immediately. _“No._ He has to decide which way he wants this to play out. He can keep punishing us, keep punishing himself, or he can move beyond this and start living again,” Odin says harshly.

Odin asks it of him again. “What do you _want_?”

“He will kill her,” Loki’s voice breaks shamefully, and he grips the chair harder to hide how badly his hands are trembling now.

“And I say again, it matters _not._ She is one mortal out of many. What is one person worth?” Odin demands.

Loki grabs the back of the chair and hurls it at the wall with a wild cry of pain.“She is worth _everything,_ ” he screams the words at his father. “Everything that matters.”

And truth of it drops him to his knees, and Loki knows he will not survive this.

He feels Odin grip his shoulders, and when his father gives him a gentle shake he thinks back on easier times, and it breaks him so completely he almost misses the All-Father’s next words. “Your Rose has brought you back to us, Loki. She will be mother to our grandchild. I will not leave her to suffer such a fate,” Odin said.

Loki is weeping when he looks up at him, and he thinks for the first time that maybe his father didn’t abandon him after all.

* * *

Loki finds his mother- for all his protestations, she will never be anything but his mother- in her weaving room, and he can tell that she has been expecting him by the way she doesn’t look up from the tapestry she is working on. It will be a massive work when it is completed, and the border of it is composed of runes. Loki can see that they are invocations for protection, and the sense of foreboding it gives him sends a frisson of fear through him.

Frigga looks up from her needlework and answers his unspoken question. “Her journey will not be easy, but she will be made all the stronger for it.” She gives him a gentle smile, “She will be so beautiful.”

Loki realizes then that she is talking about his unborn daughter, and has to clear his throat before he can speak. “I had not thought to have children. Even before …” He walks over to look at Frigga’s shelves of thread. They cover row after row in every imaginable color and texture, and he runs a finger over a soft grey silk as he continues, “And afterward, when I found out that I was Jötunn … how could I force a woman to love me?”

Frigga makes a soft sound, and walks over to him and tips his chin up so he has to meet her eyes. “You would never have to force anyone to love you.”

Loki gives her a thin smile. “When Thor first brought me to Midgard I truly no longer cared if I lived or died.” He sighed, then scrubbed a hand over his eyes. “Rose opened her home to me, and in doing so made it mine as well. I had never thought to want to be anywhere but Asgard, but now home to me is wherever Rose is. She sees me true in a way I thought no one ever would.”

Frigga wraps her arms around him and hugged him tightly. “It is a rare thing to have a person see the heart of another. She is a true match for you then.”

Loki huffed a laugh. “She is a thought-sifter. I was horrified at first. I didn’t think my illusions could hold up under her scrutiny, but in the end it did not matter to her. I have tied her to myself like you twine the threads together, and I do not know how to unbind her from my heart.”

“Why, if something has been made stronger, would you wish to undo it? Sometimes the finished work is made all the finer by the new additions,” Frigga said archly. “Sometimes you need to leave well enough alone.”

Loki raises a brow at her and smiled at her words then. “And when have you ever known me to show such wisdom?”

“She will suffer for my failures,” he whispers, because he can barely stand to say the words aloud. Thanos will hurt her because of him, and the knowledge carves its way into his heart like a blade.

Frigga purses her lips as she looks at him. “Rose will endure. This is not the first time she survived the attention of a madman.”

* * *

Rose knows she is dreaming, because if Grady were really dead she would have known. But in her dream, he is dead. She can feel his cold fingers grip her shoulder, and before she can turn around and see his face she knows that he is dead. Grady tightens his grip on her as he whispers in her ear, and she can feel her skin crawling at the feel of him.

_“Do not look him in the eyes, for he is the God of the Lost. The god of all things that are pain, and darkness, and everything that makes you hold a hand out in the night and pray for someone to come for you. Do not let him see you, for what is once seen, cannot be unseen. And then he will know you,”_ he whispers the words to her, and she starts to cry. And when he finally lets her turn, Rose can see that he is long dead. His grey eyes are filmed milky-white and she can feel the scream building in her throat.

_“Do not let him see you.”_

_“Do not let him touch you.”_

_And she can feel the scream fighting to get out, and Grady cannot be dead. Please. I need to wake up, she thinks, he cannot be dead. oh my god, please make it stop … GRADY IS NOT DEAD! wake up, wake up, wake up …_

“NO!” And she screams herself awake. Rose can feel her hands shaking as she pushes the hair back from her face. She doesn’t want to think about her nightmare. Grady is fine. She knows it. She also knows that she doesn’t want to think about what he was telling her in the dream, because if the God of the Lost is real, nothing in the world could stand against that. The sick dread of it makes her bury her face in her hands. It can’t be real, can’t be real, she thinks over and over. It is a long time before she falls back to sleep.

* * *

The next morning Rose tries to remember the dream but in the light of day it eludes her, and the harder she tries to recall it the more it fades away. She turns her attention to the shape shifters, and while Rose can tell the three Chitauri are arguing, they are speaking and more unfortunately, _thinking_ , in the guttural language of their home-world and she doesn’t know what they are saying. Except she knows it has to do with her because they keep looking over at her.

Tafeer had been giving her looks that are making her skin crawl, and Rose’s worst suspicions are confirmed when Uial switched to English.

“You will not touch her,” Uial growls at Tafeer.

The words echo Loki’s when he had threatened Thanos, and Rose is up and on her feet as she keeps a wary eye on the bickering Chitauri. For all that they look amazingly alike, there is a sense of something about the slightly thinner shapeshifter that makes her not want to turn her back on. Rose doesn’t trust Argass as she does Uial, but Tafeer scares the shit out of her in a way the other two do not.

“Thanos only said that she needs to be kept alive,” Tafeer snarled at Uial. “He said nothing about her being untouched.”

_“I_ say she will be untouched. Anything you visit upon her will be done to you as well,” Uial said with a sound that may well be a laugh. Tafeer spat on ground at his feet, and Uial lashes out and grabs the other Chitauri by the armor and pulls him closer until they are face to face. “I will rape you until can no longer walk, and then I will let Argass finish you.”

Tafeer’s eyes dart between Uial and Argass then, and when Argass bares sharp teeth at him he storms from the room. Uial gives Argass a command in their language, and whatever he says makes the other shapeshifter give Rose an amused look before he leaves the room.

“What --” her mouth is dry with fear, and Rose has to clear her throat before she can continue, “what was that about?”

Uial’s eyes are bright gold with rage. “He will not touch you. He is afraid now.”

“I need to get out of here,” Rose said hollowly.

“You will never escape from here,” Uial rasped at her, then he takes her by the hand and places it on his temple and she knows what he is planning. “I will take you out for your walk now.” Uial hands her a cloak as he ushers her from the room. “Come human.”

As they walk through the barren landscape of whatever world they are on, Uial begins talking after they are away from the prison. “I was mated,” he said gruffly. “My youngling died during his first year after the Titans took over my world.”

All Rose can do is stare at him until he nudges her to get her moving again. “Keep walking in case we are being watched.” They walk in silence for a few minutes before Uial deems it far enough, and stops to continue speaking, “My Liet died trying to fight off a Titan.” His eyes shine with a fierce pride at the memory. “You have her spirit, I could see it in your eyes when you slew Arkhe. You have a rare courage.”

Rose feels tears slide down her cheeks, because for all his stoic appearance the Chitauri is still bleeding inside over his mate’s death. “I don’t feel like I have courage. I feel scared to death.”

“True courage is fighting even when you are afraid.” Uial puts a huge hand on her shoulder and his grip is shockingly gentle. “Thanos will burn all the worlds to naught but ash and he will use your child to do it. We cannot allow this to happen. I cannot. The Chitauri will not be slaves to the Mad-Titan any longer.”

“Argass and I have vowed to see you safe from here. When it is time, you will call to the Asgardian gatekeeper to open the Bifrost. By now they will have him looking for you.”

Rose gestures to the round curve of her stomach. “It has to be soon or I won’t be able to move quickly enough.”

“It will be soon,” Uial agrees.


	12. Chapter 12

“All my life my heart has yearned for a thing I cannot name.”

~ Andre Breton

* * *

“Have you seen her?” Every day Loki comes to the Observatory and asks Heimdall the same question. And every day he has gotten the same answer.

Today, Hemidall turns his far-seeing gaze to Loki before he speaks. “How is it that this one mortal has wrought such a change in you? Before you would have not thought twice about the fate of a mere girl, let alone be so desperate to find her.”

Loki blew out a breath as they watched the stars in silence and he thinks that he could answer the other man now or in a thousand years and Heimdall would still be standing waiting patiently for the answer. “When we were but children, Thor and I, he asked me what the one thing was that I valued above all others, and I really could think of nothing other than my magic that truly mattered that much to me,” Loki finally said. “Thor laughed at me then and said that some day there would be one thing that I could not live without, and I never really believed him. Nothing could matter to me that much. I would never let it matter that much.” Loki huffed a laugh, but there was little humor in it. “And then there was Rose, and I finally realized that Thor was right.”

Loki met Heimdall’s eyes then. “She is the one thing I cannot live without.”

“I have not seen the girl,” Heimdall said after a long moment. “But I have seen Thanos, and he will not escape my sight. It is only a matter of time before I can find the girl.”

The relief staggers him, and all Loki can do is say what he should said long ago.“Thank you.”

* * *

Grady was standing out on the balcony that overlooked Asgard when Loki found him. His face was still pale, but he had healed well from the wound the Chitauri had given him that had almost claimed his life.

“She’s still alive,” Grady said fiercely after a moment of silence, as if by saying it aloud he could will it to be true. “If she was dead, I would know.”

Grady cocked his head to the side as he studied Loki for a minute, because the God of Mischief on the other hand, looked like _hell._

“You look like hammered shit,” Grady said bluntly. He grinned when Loki’s eyes widened in shock at his words before he scowled at him. “What, not used to the plebians speaking so boldly to your royal ass?”

“No,” Loki replied with a sneer. “The commoners of Asgard know their place better than to speak so to the royal family.”

Grady snorted a laugh. “I dare you to say that shit in front of Rose. She’ll hand you your ass on a plate.” He tiredly scrubbed a hand over his face. “So what did Heimdall have to say this time?” Grady just rolled his eyes at the look of surprise that Loki gave him. “C’mon, it’s not a big secret that you’ve been to see him daily. I’ve been all over his ass too, but he just gives me this look like, _“know your place mortal”_ and tells me that he hasn’t seen her, and that he’s not a crystal ball."

“He has seen the Titan, but as of yet has not caught sight of your sister.” At Grady’s crestfallen look he continued. “He will find her though, nothing can escape Heimdall’s gaze once he has seen you, and where the Titan is, Rose is sure to be as well.” Loki poured a glass of wine for himself and then a second one for Grady and they drank in companionable silence as they looked out over the city.

“He will pay for what he has done to her,” Loki said suddenly, surprising himself with the need to comfort the boy. “Any harm that has befallen her will nothing as to the pain Thanos will feel when I am done with him,” he spat viciously.

“Swear it,” Grady said fiercely. “Promise that he’ll die for what he’s done to her.” He waited util gave him a nod and then sat the glass down with shaking hands and walked over to the edge of the balcony before he continued speaking. “We’ve always been able to read each other, even when we didn’t want to. It’s been that way our whole lives,” Grady said softly. “Rose thought that I’d hate her for what she did to our mom, and for a while a part of me did hate her for it. I thought if she hadn’t gone to work for SHIELD, that if she had just let herself heal after Katie died …” His voice trailed off, and he took a shaky breath before he continued. “But she was just wild with grief, said it was all her fault. That if she hadn’t been so fucking arrogant, if she’d been smarter, that she could have saved her.” Grady paced as he talked now, as if by moving he could escape his own thoughts.

“After I calmed down, I realized that nothing I could say or do was worse than what Rose was doing to herself. Completely closed herself off from everything and everyone, like she would never be able to be worthy of being able to enjoy life anymore.” “It didn’t help that she could feel how much Dad hated her for it.”

Grady gave a bitter huff of laughter. “There’s the real downfall to being a mind-reader. No one can ever lie to you. Even when you’d really want them to, and Rose just took it without a word.”

Grady gave himself a mental shake, and looked over at Loki who had just been listening to him talk. “She was different with you though. I could hear it in her voice when she asked me to help heal you. It was like she was coming to life again, like she was finally giving herself permission to go on living again.”

“You scared the shit out of me when I first met you,” Grady grudgingly confessed. “Rose had been so hurt, like one wrong move and she would just shatter into a million pieces, and that’s never been her. She’d be so fucking pissed at me for hearing me talk about her like that, but it’s true.”

“You scared me, because I could tell you could be the one to help her bring it all together again, or be the one to destroy it. And I think that’s all the girly confessional that I have in me for today,” Grady said with an eyeroll as he drained his glass in one long pull.

“She has wrought many changes in me as well,” Loki said after a moment.

“You love her, don’t you?” Grady asked bluntly, then roared with laughter when Loki choked on his wine. He gave Loki a companionable whack on the back as he watched the Norse god gasp for air.

“I think that-” he stopped speaking, and froze in place as they both saw the flash of light coming from the Observatory that heralded the Bifröst coming to life.

“Rose,” Grady whispered. “I can feel her.”

They looked at one another in shock, and then Loki vanished in a swirl of light that had Grady cursing him viciously as he was left to follow the old-fashioned way.

* * *

Loki skidded to a stop in the hall at the sight of his mother, and he felt his heart give a wild thud at the sight of the smile on her face, and he knew, he _knew,_ that she was alive, and the relief staggered him. “Where is she? Is she well?” The words seemed to tumble out of him unbidden. “She was gone when I arrived at the Observatory, and Heimdall said that you had her taken to the healers immediately.”

Frigga gave him a gentle smile. “It was just a precaution, since she is with child. Your lady is thinner than I would like, but I believe she is well enough. One of the Chitauri came with her and he is guarding her. He helped her to escape, and has evidently sworn his fealty to her.” Frigga shook her head at the thought, then laughed quietly. “He will be one of the most unusual guards at the palace now.”

Something in her eyes belies the lightness of her words, and it is making his hands want to tremble, and Loki can feel the breath hitch in his chest. “What is wrong?”

“Rose has been through a true trial by fire I think, but she has the heart of a warrior. I believe she will be fine given time,” Frigga said in answer, and stands on her toes to kiss his cheek. “She needs you Loki. Go to her now.”

Loki can think of nothing at all to say to that. The very idea of anyone needing him is still so foreign to him, so he just bows to his mother and goes without another word. He knew to expect it, but Loki still pulls up short at the sight of the Chitauri standing guard by the door to his chambers. He is massive as are all of the shapeshifters of his kind, and watches him closely as he approaches but when he comes to a stop in front of him the Chitauri cocks his head to the side studying him as well now, and then he _growls_ at him.

Loki summons a dagger to his hand, and the Chitauri unsheathes the sword at his hip with a smooth practiced motion and a whisper of sound.

“You would offer to protect her now? When you failed her so miserably the first time?” Uial snarls the words at him, then spits on the ground at his feet.

Loki can feel his eyes widen, and rage washes over him at the insult. He can feels months of worry and fear inside him ignite; because he _finally_ has a target, and he has the dagger at the shapeshifter’s throat in a blur of speed. “How _dare_ you speak --”

“The girl is mate sick because you did not seal your bond with her,” the Chitauri snarls at him, contempt dripping from each and every word as he speaks. “How could you leave her unprotected like that?”

“What would you know of it?” Loki demands.

“More than you do Jötunn,” he replies with a sneer as he taps the side of his neck. “If you had truly bonded yourself to the girl you would have a mating mark as well. Instead you tie her to you with no honor at all.”

Loki can feel himself bristle at the shapeshifter’s barbed words but he is saved having to answer, though in truth he doesn’t really know what to say, by the healer opening the door. The woman blanches visibly at the sight of the Chitauri, but quickly regains her composure and curtsies to Loki.

“Your Lady is bathing now. The Queen has given her a sleeping draught to take after her bath so she will be able to rest. Lady Rose and the babe are well but for some cuts and bruises that should heal cleanly.”

Loki finds himself nodding mutely at the Einherjar and he gives the Chitauri one last dark look, then takes a deep breath to steady himself and goes to her.

He can feel the awareness of her thrumming through him, and he wants nothing more than to see her for himself, to reassure himself that she is well and unharmed. Rose is lying back in the bathtub with her eyes closed, but he can see that she is aware of him by the way she stiffens when he walks in the room before she sits up with her eyes downcast as though she is afraid of, _please don’t let it be me,_ something.

"I haven't been brave enough to look in a mirror. How bad is it?" Rose asked as she glances up, then slowly turns so that Loki can see the whole of her face.

Rose has a black-eye that stands out in stark relief against her grey eyes; her bottom lip is split and swollen, and there is a bruise running along her jaw that is turning a spectacular shade of purple and she looks like she hasn’t slept in days.

Loki thinks she has never been more beautiful to him.

This Midgardian girl has captured what is left of his heart, and made herself intrinsic to him in a way he would have never believed to be possible, and it strikes him to the very core of his being the truth of what he has been denying to himself.

He _loves_ her.

The knowledge hits him like a blow to the heart and steals the words from his mouth. All the things he had planned to say to her vanish under the onslaught of this damning wave of sentiment. The irony of it should strike him dead on the spot, but all he can do is stare at her in disbelief that she is alive and well, and _his_.

Loki walks over to stand beside her, and he silently holds a hand out to her to help her up and Rose takes it and then just as quickly lets go, and sinks back in the steaming water with a look on her face he cannot begin to read. Realization dawns, and Loki backs up and he can feel the shame and sting of her denial all the way to his very bones. He swallows hard as he looks down, and finds he cannot bear to meet her gaze. Cannot bear to see the refusal in her eyes, and his voice is hoarse when he speaks. "You are right to blame me. If I had not --”

 _“No!_ That's not it at all!” Rose shakes her head, then runs a wet hand over her face, and winces when she touches the bruise along her jaw. Loki can see frustrated tears glimmer in her pale grey eyes.

“Then what is wrong?” He is baffled at her apparent shyness. Then he blanches as he thinks of Thanos, and wonders what horrors were wrought upon her by the Titan to make her so.

Rose sighed. “You asked for it.”

And when she gets up, all Loki can do is stare.

Loki watches with widening eyes as she stands up, the water sluicing down her body and he is shocked speechless. In reality, he had known that she was with child, but truthfully they were just words thrown at him, the taunts of any enemy. But now? Her stomach is now full and round, and the skin is taut over the bulge of the child, and as he watches there is a ripple of movement under her skin that has her pressing her hand to her side.

“Are you well?” Loki asks tentatively.

“I’m alright,” Rose whispered, but the words catch in her throat, and he can see a tear run down her cheek. Loki teleports himself to her and pulls her to him without another word, just luxuriating in the feel of her, and at first he ignores the hard press of the baby until he feels a flurry of kicks against his side, and it makes him draw back with a start.

“I think the heat from the water woke her up.” Rose huffs a laugh at the round-eyed look of surprise on Loki’s face. Green eyes flash from her stomach to her face, and she answers the question he does not ask. “Yes, of course. She’s your daughter too,” she said quietly.

Loki gingerly places his palm on her side, and he can feel the life inside of her respond to his touch with a sense of awareness that has him glancing up at Rose in stunned disbelief. He can feel her, and she is … curious about him.

“Yeah, she’s kind of a force of nature,” Rose said, and she puts her hand over Loki’s as he tracks the baby’s movements when she kicks again. Loki reaches out with his mind to the baby again, and this time he smiles involuntarily at the soft touch of her mind reaching back out for his. He kisses Rose carefully because of her split lip, and when she buries her face against his chest he lets himself hold her as he has been longing to do. He runs a shaking hand over her wet hair, and dries it with a thought, and then scoops her up and carries her to his bed; their bed now, because he will not be parted from her again. Foolish mortal girl, she should have ran the first time she laid eyes upon him, for she is his now and he will not let her go. For all the bulk of the baby he can feel her ribs under his hands all too easily, and the shadows under her eyes tell how many sleepless nights she’s had.

“You need to rest, then I would know how you escaped the Titan,” Loki said as he wraps his arms around her. Rose has her head resting on his shoulder, and when he runs a hand over her skin, a part of him wants to laugh as he feels the baby squirming under his palm.

“If it hadn’t been for Uial and Argass I would have died.” Rose can feel tears burn in her eyes at the thought of Argass. “We would have died,” she said as she runs her hand over her stomach where the baby is kicking her. “Argass gave up his life to save us.”

And that is when she breaks, and Loki holds her while she cries, keeping her close to him long after she has finally fallen asleep.

* * *

The two Chitauri had taken her out for a walk in the never-ending desert landscape where it is always hot, though the heat never seems the penetrate the chill that seems to run through her constantly now. The baby seems to like it though, and she reacts to the wave of warmth from the evening sky like a cat stretching in the sun.

The thought makes her smile; the Frost Giant’s daughter who loves the bask in the heat.

They had been walking a slow circuit around the outside of the Titan’s hold when she has the conversation with Argass and Uial that leaves her mouth hanging open in shock. “I can’t do magic!” Rose said in shock, when she realizes that they’re serious because the two shapeshifters just stare back at her in silence. “If I could have done it, I would have turned Thanos into a fucking cockroach and stamped on him.”

She can feel the rising hysteria in her voice, but can’t make herself quit now.“And Tafeer? I would have lit that creepy little prick on fire!”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Rose shrieked in fury. She knows the Chitauri are baffled by the vernacular, but months of bottled up fear and anger are making her brain want to explode. “I just want to go home,” she whispers as she drops to her knees, and starts to cry. Rose cries until her throat hurts and she can’t breathe, and she can feel one of them crouch down next to her, and then the weight of a hand on her shoulder.

“You can stay here, like this, or you can learn to fight. What do you choose girl?” Uial said tonelessly.

“I’m scared,” Rose said as she looks up at him.

“You can be afraid, but you have to fight or you and your child will die,” Argass tells her.

Rose took a deep breath. “What do I do?”

“The first magic is usually fire,” he replied. “You are inclined to magic with your ability to read minds, and the way you can heal.” Argass growled out at laugh. “Or kill. You just need to channel it in a different direction.”

“Picture it in your mind,” Uial tells her. “Your child is the daughter of a god. He is one of the most powerful sorcerers that has ever lived, let her magic help guide you.”

And Rose can feel a brief flicker of … something at his words. She ignores the heat, ignores the dead twilight sky that never seems to change, and closes her eyes. Pictures the fire that she’d seen on Vanaheim, the cold blue light that seemed to move with a will of its own, and she extends her hand with the palm up. When she opens her eyes, there is a small green flame dancing in the palm of her hand. The color makes her laugh, and she wipes a tear away as she whispers his name.

The two Chitauri exchange pleased looks, then Argass ruffled her hair and gave her a rare smile. “Again,” he says.

Rose closes her hand, putting out the viridian flame. “Again,” she agrees.

* * *

 

Later she would swear that Thanos could read minds as well, and that he knew what they were planning. His visits which had been infrequent since he first assigned the Chitauri guards to her, suddenly seemed to be daily. And they were getting much _weirder_.

The Titan would come and just stare at her until she wanted to throw something at him or scream just to break the tension. Other times he would run his hands over her stomach, talking to himself or the baby in the language of the Titans. She knew her daughter was aware of him, but she would never respond to him, like she realized he was a danger and would do nothing to draw his attention. He would lick her skin, and when she couldn’t hold back a cry of revulsion, he snarled at her, and then left without saying anything.

“Why does he do that?” Rose scrubbed a shaking hand over her skin as she spoke.

“Calm yourself girl, he will not hurt your babe,” Uial said as he gripped her shoulders. Then he took her hand and placed it on his temple, and Rose felt her eyes widen at what he was thinking.

* * *

Rose screamed her way out of the nightmare and clung to Loki like he was the last solid thing in the world, and just let him hold her. She was shivering almost non-stop as she told Loki what had happened before and after their escape.

“The Chitauri taught me how to conjure fire.” She held out her hand palm up, and a tiny, emerald flame danced over her skin.

“The baby,” Loki whispered, even as his eyes shot wide at the sight.

“I know. The color, right?”

“So when they took me out for my evening walk, I lit the building on fire.” Rose gave a ghost of a smile. “I was so nervous I didn’t think that magical fire would respond to my emotions like my other abilities do. So what was supposed to be a small, controlled fire went off like a nuclear-bomb instead, and half the compound blew up.”

“There was another guard, Tafeer.” Rose can feel her breath hitch in her throat, can feel scalding tears trail down her cold skin, and swallowed hard before she could continue. “He caught us as were running, they had me call to Heimdall to summon the Bifröst, and it was opening, I could see it, we were so close to making it.”

“He was just there, in front of me and all I could see was the sword coming at me, and Argass pushed me into Uial, and he took the blow meant for me. It almost cut him in half, but he grabbed Tafeer long enough to slow him down, and then Uial killed him. Argass died telling me that the baby would be the one to end the Chitauri’s slavery.”

Loki pulled her tightly against him. “Then I will forever owe them a debt for seeing you back to me.”

“Loki, I know Thanos didn’t die in the explosion,” Rose said with a shiver. “I can feel it. He’ll be coming for her.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanos on the horizon. And porn. For reasons...


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is chapter is almost 5k words of smut. Actually, it's reunion and magical bonding smut. Also - blue smut, because I can't leave shit alone. 
> 
> Throws it at you and runs...

_“Do not be afraid; our fate cannot be taken from us, it is a gift.”_

~ Danté Alighieri

* * *

Loki’s green eyes were cold as the ice of Jötunheim as he spoke. “Then let him _come_. He will not catch me unaware twice. Thanos will never lay his hands upon her.” He took her hand and pressed a gentle kiss into her palm that was at odds with the hard look on his face. “The Titan will have a war on his hands if he dares try to bring a fight to Asgard again.” 

Rose kissed him, then threaded her fingers through his dark hair. “I’ve missed you for so long,” she whispered. She rested her head against the hard muscles of his chest and closed her eyes as he wrapped his arms around her, and listened to the steady thump of his heart until she could finally feel herself finally start to relax enough to go back to sleep. She had almost drifted back off when Loki spoke again, and then his words jolted her awake with the force of a slap. 

“Why did you not tell me about the babe?” Loki asked the question casually; as if he was inquiring about the weather, but she could feel every muscle in his body draw tight, as if he were bracing himself for a blow. She could feel a wave of sadness from him that must have prompted the question, the trepidation that she can sense has him dreading her answer, and so Rose sits up so he could see her face in the soft glow from the fireplace.

“I thought that you would hate me for it,” she said simply. Whatever he had been expecting from her, that wasn’t it because she watched as his green eyes shot wide at her words. 

“Why would I hate you for it?” Loki was completely bewildered by her answer. “I thought at first you would despise me for breeding an abomination upon you.” 

Rose drew back away from him feeling sick, and it is her turn to dread the answer to a question that has to be asked. “Is that how you really think of her?” Rose fights back tears as she battles the urge to run from the room -- but it is a near thing. “Is that what you thought when you felt her?” 

Loki took a deep breath, finding he could only tell her the truth. “When Thanos first threw the words at me? I did. But now? No. Not since I --” He rubbed his hand over his eyes, and swallowed hard. “But I would not have blamed you for thinking so,” he said quietly. Loki made himself look at her, and found it was one of the hardest things he had ever done. The confusion on her face drove him to try and explain himself more fully to her, no matter how loathe he was to do so.

“I can never be … other than what I am,” Loki said, and watched as the comprehension dawned in her grey eyes then, and when a tear trailed slowly down her cheek he brushed it away with his thumb. “I cannot promise you that she will never be looked down upon, or that she will never be thought as of something that is less than. Not all in Asgard know of my true parentage, but enough do that there will be talk. Life will not always be easy for her.”

Loki sees her draw back from him then and feels something inside him crumble into dust when she does it. 

“I am sorry,” he says, and to his utter horror his voices breaks when he says it. Rose will turn from him now, he is sure of it. The world in which she was raised never had monsters in it that were real -- and she surely had never thought that her child would be treated as such, and he cannot do this, he thinks. He will never survive it. Never. 

Loki got up and walked over to stand in front of the fire, and cannot stop himself from flinching when he feels the soft touch of Rose’s hand on his back. He shudders when she kisses his shoulder, but he turns to face her when she tugs on his arm. 

“Loki,” Rose says his name as she reaches up and cups his face in her hands. “You did nothing to be sorry _for_. You’ve done nothing to hurt me. Nothing to hurt her.” 

And it is the last that drops him to knees before her -- the knowledge that his child, his daughter, would be branded a monster because of who her father was. 

Rose runs her hands through his hair trying to think how to soothe him, and she can feel the pain that is tearing him up inside. She knows that she needs him -- he has become as intrinsic to her as the need to breathe -- but maybe, just _maybe_ , for the first time she thinks that Loki might need her as well. 

“Hear me sorcerer,” Rose said gravely, and when he didn’t respond she gave his hair an ungentle tug. Loki met her gaze then, green eyes cold with anger, and gave her a look that had probably been making grown men piss themselves for longer than she’s been alive, but she ignores it and gives his hair another hard yank. 

“All that you are Loki Odinson, all that you’ve been, you are mine now.” Rose kissed him hard then -- could feel the cut on her lip start bleeding again -- can taste the blood on her tongue. “You are mine, and I will not have another.” 

Loki wraps his arms around her and lays his face against the curve of her side, and when he looks up at Rose again, she bends down and kisses him softly this time and when she tells him she loves him, he can _feel_ it as well, and it is like a hand being held out in the night when all hope has been lost. 

Loki thinks that he is greedy and selfish, and that if he had an ounce of honor he would let her go, but he is a bastard in every last sense of the word, and Rose should have run from him when she had the chance because he will never give her up. 

_“Min elskede,_ ” he says as he stands and he picks her up. He carries her back to the bed and sits down with her in his lap and kisses her. He can feel her warm touch in his mind, and he knows that he is finally home, and for the first time Loki opens his mind completely to hers and he holds nothing of himself back. Loki can taste the blood from the cut on her lip, and brushes a thumb over the mark and heals it with magic. Kisses her again, and runs his lips along her jaw and the bruise that marred her skin fades, then vanishes. Loki lies back and pulls her to him, and while the feel of her warm skin against him sends a wave a heat through him, he is content to just hold her and luxuriate in the feeling of having her in his arms again. 

And even though Loki knows that Thanos will not give up so easily, he feels oddly happy. 

Rose raised herself up on her arm and looked down at him. Loki’s black hair had fallen across the side of his face, and his dark lashes stand out in bold relief against his pale skin. He is so beautiful that it sends a stab of pain through her heart that anyone would see him as less than he was, and she sees his lips quirk up in a smile when he picks up on her thought. 

“You are mine now, Trickster,” Rose whispered, and she watches his lip quiver as he tries unsuccessfully to hold back a smile. “All right, what’s so damn funny?” Rose demands, as she tries not to laugh.

Loki grinned at her. “I think you are the only person in the Nine who would dare lay such a claim upon me.” 

“Good,” Rose said with a smug smile, then she bends down and kisses him. Need swamps her then, and it’s like she suddenly can’t _breathe_ , can’t stand to not be touching him. Rose trails a hand down his body until she can wrap her hand around him and strokes him, feeling him harden under her fingers as he kisses her. Loki sucks in a sharp breath in surprise, then catches her hand with his own.

“You need to rest,” he says a bit hoarsely. His skin tingles under her touch though, and he wants her as well. 

“I don’t want to rest,” she said with an edge to her voice. “I want you to touch me and I want to feel you _inside_ me. Inside my mind and inside my body.” Rose kissed him again, then nipped his bottom lip when he didn’t kiss her back.

“The Chitauri said that you had been ill from my not sealing the bond between us,” Loki said feeling guilt rise up when she looked away. “I did not know that I could bond myself to another. I did not mean to do such to you.”

Rose can feel the rising anxiety in him, and put a finger against his lips. “I know you didn’t mean to do it. I didn’t know about the mate-sickness either until Uial explained it to me. I was … well … he said I was fading.” She sat back as she tried to think how to explain to him. “It was the weirdest thing. I’d lived out in the middle of BFE West Virginia for years by myself and never had a problem with it, then a few weeks alone in a cage and I couldn’t stand it.” 

Rose shivered as she remembered the awful aloneness of it. The constant ache for Loki that made it seem like her nerves were scrubbed raw, until she thought she would bleed to death inside from the longing for him. She knew Loki was waiting for her to continue, but she wasn’t sure how to put it all into words, and she couldn’t seem to get enough air in her lungs, and why wouldn’t he just _touch_ her when he could see that she needed it so badly … 

Loki could see the rising panic in her eyes, the fear that he would leave her. Foolish girl, he would never do such a thing, and he did the only thing he could think of to calm her.

He kissed her. 

The bond between them roared to life in such a way that it made what had come before seem pale in comparison. He could feel the need that was drowning her, and Loki feels any sense of self-restraint break under the onslaught, and gave a ragged groan as he shoved himself inside her in one hard thrust. He froze when Rose flung her head back with a cry, and he worried for a moment that he had hurt her until he felt her nails scoring his back as she tilted her hips up to bring him closer, and he feels her inside his mind like a brand against his skin.

And he _wanted_. All the gods above and below he wanted her -- would never want another like he did her.

Loki didn’t realize he had spoken the words aloud until he heard Rose answer him, and even then the words make no sense. He rolled them over so she was on top of him; sitting up so he could kiss her, and he filled his hands with her breasts and ran his thumbs over her nipples, and he could feel how sensitive pregnancy was making her as she threw her head back with a soft moan. He ran his tongue up her neck, licking over the lines that marked her as his for the whole world to see, and felt Rose orgasm around him -- through him -- until he was shaking from it. 

Rose was limp with pleasure, and Loki cradled her in his arms as he tried to calm his racing heart .The bond between them thrummed like a living thing now, and he can feel she is satiated and content. The panic that had driven her earlier is gone, and while everything in him aches for release he will not see her injured just to satisfy a base urge. He had thought to seal the bond between them, but decides it can wait -- _even though the damnable words the Chitauri had thrown at him still buzz through his mind_ \-- and his thoughts are derailed by Rose wrapping her hand around his cock and stroking him until what blood is left in his brain vanishes at the sensation. 

Rose ran a finger over Loki’s bottom lip, then kissed him again. It started slow, but she can feel him tremble under her hands, and he moans as she runs her tongue over the skin on his neck as she strokes his cock with nimble fingers. “Bond with me,” she whispers the words against his lips. 

Loki gives her puzzled eyes until she asks him to shift to his Jötunn form, and then he gives her a mutinous look. 

“It only makes sense. Think about what we were doing right before my mark appeared,” she insisted, then bit back a laugh when he flushed at her words. Equal parts lust and despair tangle inside him, and she can feel how much he wanted to deny what she was saying, how much he didn’t want this to be tainted, and --

“I _love_ you,” Rose said.

Loki gave her an indecipherable look, but after a long moment he did as she asked without further protest. His deep blue skin seemed hot under her fingers and he shudders when she runs her a fingertip over the lines that decorated his chest then trails her hand back down his stomach. Loki wants to argue, to protest, but now the over-sensitized skin is covered in raised lines and the breath hitches in his chest at the feel of her fingers on him. When she takes him in her mouth he cannot help the soft groan that escapes him as she runs her tongue over the head of his cock, and licks the pearly drops of fluid off his cerulean skin he bites his lip to keep from spilling himself in her mouth. Rose raises her eyes to meet his as she sucks him harder, and Loki cannot help arching his hips as she takes him deeper. He can feel a rush of heat down his spine, and he knows he is so close -- _and he can scent her now and it is maddening to him_ \-- Loki starts to pull back but Rose murmurs a sound of protest as she keeps the pace slow and measured, and he feel his balls tighten as she runs her fingers over them, and then wave after wave of pleasure rolls through him, and Loki comes with a long shuddering moan.

When he can catch his breath he sees Rose grinning down at him, and he sits up and kisses her deeply, can taste himself on her tongue, and he wants her again. Loki rolls her onto her back, and kisses her neck, her breasts, and places a kiss on her round stomach as he slides down her body. He pulls her legs apart and drags his cheek over the soft skin of her thigh then licks her in a wet swipe that makes her cry out, and swirls his tongue over her clit. He smirks up at her, then closes his lips over her, sucking gently, alternating the motion with flicks of his tongue until she is quivering under his hands, and when he reaches up and plays his fingers over her stiff nipples she gasps his name as she comes against his tongue. Only when she is boneless with satisfaction does he draw back from her.

Rose has her eyes closed, but she can feel Loki crawl up next to her so she reaches out and pulls him down for a kiss. She runs her hand down his rapidly hardening prick, rubbing her thumb over the slick crown, and Loki inhales sharply at the feel of her hand on him. She pulls him to her by the cock and he pushes inside her with a ragged sound, and she can feel the mark on her neck throb in reaction. She cants her head to the side and it is all the invitation he needs, because he bites down _hard_ , and Rose comes again with a startled shriek, and Loki groans as the feeling rocks through him as well. He carefully rolls them over so she is on top and she can see that his dark red eyes are wide and full of longing, and when she raises up her knees and slowly pushes down on him she can feel each line marking his cock as she takes him inside her. Loki tightens his hands on her hips and sits up and the sharper angle tightens her around him, the heightened pleasure making him shiver in reaction. She rides him slowly as he thrusts his hips up to meet her, and he sees her bite her lip as she closes her eyes, and when he runs his tongue over the bond-mark on her neck and he can feel her muscles tighten around him.

Rose kisses him hard then, until they are both gasping and Loki pulls her tightly down on him as he tilts his head to the side. She runs her fingertips over the curved lines on his chest and over his collarbone , then follows the motion with her tongue. The raised marks are like satin against her lips and when she kisses the long muscle of his throat, he gasps, then sucks in a breath as he feels the graze of teeth on his skin. He is seated to the hilt inside her when she bites down and finally, finally, claims him as her own. It burns like fire and Loki welcomes the pain as he feels her mark upon him settle deeper into his skin. He didn’t realize he had closed his eyes until he opens them and sees Rose watching him -- and when he feels her light mental touch he reaches back out to her and she shatters around him and takes him with her in an endless loop of pleasure.

* * *

 

Later, Rose is draped over him, and by the feel of her thoughts is barely awake. Loki hears her huff a soft laugh against his chest and then she shifts to the side so she can look at him. He is once more Asgardian shaped and smiles at her as she gets up and pads naked across the room to the wash basin -- and Loki, _almost,_ stifles a laugh at the slight duck-waddle to her gait. 

Rose mock scowls over her shoulder at him, then freezes in place as he bolts upright, green eyes shot wide with surprise, and then bursts out laughing. 

“What exactly is so funny? And you better not say me,” she said with narrowed eyes. 

“You might want to take a look in the mirror,” Loki replied solemnly, then broke down laughing again.

“Way to make a girl feel good,” she said dryly, then looks at her reflection to see what got him going. 

“Holy shit,” Rose yelps in shock. 

The bond mark had darkened to a fine, black scroll-work of lines, and looked like a really elaborate tattoo. She ran a fingertip over the curve of it and she hears Loki suck in a breath at the touch. Rose looked back at Loki, and when she sees the matching mark on his neck she gives a snort of laughter.

“Uh, you might want to take a look in the mirror yourself,” she snickered. “We’ve got his and hers tattoos now.” 

Loki was across the room is a flash and stands behind her as he examines the mark upon his skin. The lines on his neck are thicker, darker, but the eternity symbol is clear to see, and when he touches it he hears Rose huff a laugh. When he turns to face her though there is a sheen of tears in her grey eyes and he pulls her to him with a sinking feeling in his chest. Does she regret this? She has tied herself to him now and- 

“No, don’t be an idiot. It’s these damn pregnancy hormones,” Rose said, then gives a watery sniff. “They’re making me all emo, and I love you,” she blurts out. “All the insane shit that’s going on, and all I could think was that I was happy, and everything always goes to complete shit for me when I’m happy and --”

Loki kissed her and pulled her close. _“_ And then let us enjoy this, and for now not worry about what is to come.” 

_“Ha,”_ Rose said dryly. “Not worry? I can feel your brain plotting already.”

Loki blinked down at her, nonplussed at what she had said. “Just how well can you sift my thoughts now that we are bonded?” 

“Easier than before.” Rose frowned in thought. “I think that the people of Asgard are harder to read than normal anyway because of the immortality. It makes your brains function differently than the people of Earth.” 

“But I am not _of_ Asgard,” Loki said, then quickly looked away. 

Rose studied his face, sees the shame, and answers him bluntly. “At least part of your parentage is Asgardian, it has to be. All the people of this realm have a similar pattern to their thoughts, and so do you.” 

“That cannot be. No person of Asgard would lie with a Frost Giant.” Loki shook his head in denial of her claim. “You must be mistaken. I think --” 

“It’s something to worry about later,” Rose cut in. “Right now, there’s someone at the door.”

* * *

 

He wants ask her more questions, she has to be _wrong,_ but the distinct thud upon the door can only be Thor, and as if on cue, the door opens and bangs into the wall with a clatter.

* * *

 

Loki pulls Rose behind him, and pins Thor with a glare for the intrusion.

“Brother, I need --”

“Will you _never_ learn to knock?” Loki demanded. He can feel Rose shaking with laughter, and he cloaks her with magic to keep her from his brother’s sight. 

Thor ignores him and shoots a wink at Rose that has Loki growling in irritation at him. “Father wishes to speak with you and Lady Rose, and asks you to bring the Chitauri when you come. Mother is coming with maids to attend your lady and will be here momentarily to help her dress.” He gave Rose a wide smile as he clapped Loki on the shoulder, and was gone as quickly as he’d come in. 

Bemused, Rose gave a short laugh. “He doesn’t have a subtle bone in his body does he?” 

Loki rolled his eyes. “Truly, you have _no_ idea. I will see you in the All-Father’s council-room,” he said as he dressed himself in a swirl of magic, and then disappeared in a flash of green that made Rose laugh at the suddenness of it. 

Rose held the neck of the robe closed as she went to answer the second knock upon the door, only to jump back with a squeak when Uial opened it from the other side for Frigga and two maids. Frigga directed the servants -- one who was carrying a tray with food and the other one who looked like she was buried under yards of material -- to put the things on Loki’s desk.

“Odin needs to speak with you, but you have time to eat and dress,” Frigga said, and pressed a kiss to her cheek that makes Rose smile, even though a part of her gives a sharp pang of longing for her own mother.

“Ada will help you dress and bring you to the council-room,” Frigga told her, and then she is gone much in the manner of her firstborn, leaving Rose to prepare for her visit with the King.

* * *

Before she knows it she’s back in the tub and out again, and a shy blonde girl is helping her do her hair. Ada had pulled her hair back, and secured it with golden-combs that were decorated with moonstones. She’d worked magic on Rose’s dark hair and instead of usually messy curls, it now hung neatly down to the middle of her back in glossy waves. 

The gown was amazing Rose thought, as she looked in the mirror. It was a deep, dark green and was trimmed in gold cording that crisscrossed between her breasts, and the material felt like the finest silk against her skin. Rose took a critical look at herself; the mound of her stomach was obvious -- _there was no disguising the pregnancy even if she_ _had wanted to_ \-- but considering her usual fare was jeans and a t-shirt, she actually felt kind of girly for a change. Ada had lined her eyes with kohl and darkened her lashes, and it made the pale grey of her eyes stand out in stark relief against the black. Loki’s bond-mark was bold upon her neck, the inky-dark lines of it on her pale skin made her smile at her reflection. 

_Mine,_ she thought with satisfaction, then felt an immediate mental query from Loki in response that made her laugh out loud. 

“Are you ready, Lady Rose?” Ada asked. “I will show you to the King’s chambers now if you are.” 

Rose blew out a breath, then nodded. “As ready as I’m going to be. Thank you Ada, my hair never does what I tell it to.” 

The maid gives her a quick smile, “You are most welcome Lady Rose. My sister says that I have a good hand with it.” Ada hesitates, then spoke again. “She has curly hair like yours and when we were younger I would help her with it. She always fretted over her curls.” 

The maid bobbed a curtsey at her then that made her wince at the gesture but she followed the girl out into the hall. When Uial falls into place behind them, Rose turned to look at him. 

“I thought that you had gone ahead with Loki,” she said, surprised to see the Chitauri had been waiting for her.

“My place is with you and the child, not the sorcerer,” Uial grumbled, earning a curious look from the maid, though the girl offers no comment at his surly reply. 

Rose feels a stab of pity for him, and hopes that she hasn’t made him trade one type of slavery for another. She can feel the tension rolling off him, and when she puts a hand on his shoulder she can see Ada’s eyes widen at the sight, and then the girl gasps when Uial growls at the contact. 

Rose rolled her eyes at him. “Thank you for waiting for me.” She knows he feels that it is an inane and useless sentiment, but other than giving her an odd look, the shapeshifter says nothing and silently nods at her.

When they come to a huge set of golden-door that are chased with runes, Rose can see the guards that are posted there bristle at the sight of the Chitauri and it immediately pisses her off. Even though she knows they had good reason to be wary of the shapeshifter, it smacks of the reasons why Loki feels that their daughter would be an outcast among these people, and has her tightening her mental shields so she can’t read their thoughts.

The guards are going for their weapons, and Rose makes her voice harsh with a note of command in it when she speaks. “Enough,” she tells them, and backs it with a firm mental push. 

“Uial is my sworn shield, and your king has requested our presence.” Rose ignores the guards, and turns to Ada in a panic then as she realizes she has no fucking idea of the proper way to address royalty in Asgard.

“What’s the proper way to address the King?” It hadn’t occurred to her until now, and she curses herself for not asking Loki earlier. 

Ada studied her curiously, then smiled. “You would call him Your Majesty, and you should kneel until he gives you leave to rise.” Ada gave Rose’s hand a reassuring pat. “You are consort to Prince Loki, but I would err on the side of caution.”

Uial gives a derisive snort then, probably it’s the idea of her even _having_ a cautious bone in her body, and Rose gives him a dirty look in return. 

“Be at ease. You are carrying the heir to the throne, he will not spurn you,” Uial rumbled at her, giving her a rare smile at the no doubt, panic-stricken look on her face. 

Rose blew out a breath, and then nodded. “Ok. I can do this,” she said to Uial, then she straightens her spine as she gestures for the guards to open the door.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It has been forever since I updated, and I totally blame The Winter Soldier for fucking me up utterly. I've been writing a A/B/O fic that was burning a hole in my brain and will have that posted as well, but I haven't forgotten about Breathing Underwater, and I have high hopes to get the rest of the chapters up soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a fun chapter that has a little court intrigue, and a little bit of angst, served with a side of smut. Because smut, like most wines, go well with every meal!

_“And he took her in his arms and kissed her under the sunlit sky, and he cared not that they stood high upon the walls in the sight of many.”_

~J.R.R. Tolkien

* * *

 

Odin was deep in conversation with Loki and Thor who were seated on either side of him at a large table, which Rose was amused to note was _round_ , when the guards at the door announced her presence to the King of Asgard. They all stood as she walked in the room, and then Rose dropped to a knee and knelt before the King. She sees Uial follow suit behind her and wonders if the Chitauri is as nervous as she is, somehow she doubts it, as he was used to dealing with Thanos’ crazy ass on a daily basis, and his face is carefully blank.

“You may rise,” Odin said formally - but when she looks up, he offers her his hand. Rose takes it, and lets him help her to her feet and she gets her first good look at the King of Asgard.

Odin didn’t have Loki or Thor’s impressive height, but she could feel the weight of lifetime upon lifetime in his blue eye as he looked her over as well. Long whitish-grey hair flowed over his shoulders, and the white beard lend him a kindly appearance that was at odds with what she had heard about the Asgardian king. He was the All-Father - and somehow she thought that kindness couldn’t always be a factor when you were the leader of an semi-immortal race of beings.

Odin hadn’t had Loki executed for his crimes, but Rose can still remember all too well the lash marks on his back that had carved their way to the bone beneath. No, Rose thought, not necessarily kind at all.

“I must thank you for attending this meeting. I know you must be worn from your ordeal, but the matter of the Titan cannot wait any longer I fear,” Odin said as he placed her hand upon his arm and walks her over to the table, pulling a chair out for her to be seated next to Loki. Odin walked back to where the Chitauri still kneels, and Rose can feel her heart trying to beat its way out of her chest as he looks with contempt at the shapeshifter’s bowed head.

Odin pins her with his gaze her as he gestures to Uial. “This is the one who assisted you in escaping from the Titan?”

“If it weren’t for him I would not have survived. We wouldn’t have survived,” Rose answered. Thinking it wouldn’t hurt to remind him that she carried his son’s child, she puts a hand on her stomach as she speaks again. “Thanos would have used her to destroy all the realms. He said she would be able to do what he could not, and put an end to it all.”

“That _is_ why he is known as the Mad Titan. His obsession with death and destruction have ever been ceaseless,” Odin said dryly, then he turned back to Uial. “Well, what have you to say? You have betrayed one master for another. Why am I to believe that you will not do the same to the girl? Lady Rose places great faith in you, bringing you here before me and speaking of your valor, when I believe that you have none,” Odin said harshly. “Will you swear fealty to the girl before all? I think you would break an oath to me with the same dispatch that you have shown the Titan. Will you stay loyal to the mortal and her child?”

Uial’s golden eyes were almost black with anger, but his voice remained neutral enough when he spoke. “The girl knows she has my loyalty.”

“You will swear fealty to her now. Give me your sword” Odin stated with finality, and extended his hand for the weapon.

Uial handed his weapon to the King of Asgard before turning to Rose, and she sees a touch of humor in his eyes. “I swear my allegiance to the Lady Rose,” he said. It is implied in the derisive tone that he owes Odin _nothing_ , and she can see the All-Father narrow his good eye at the shapeshifter. Rose got up when Odin gestures for her, and walked over to them on shaking legs. So many things could go _wrong_ , and if she’s brought Uial here with her only to have him killed she doesn’t think she can live with the guilt. He saved her life, and if it comes down to choosing between Uial and Odin, the King of Asgard is going to lose. Rose really hopes that Odin doesn’t have any mind-reading abilities, and she keeps her eyes down, because she’s afraid of what Odin would see if he looked too closely at her now.

“Do you, Uial of the Chitauri, swear your fealty to the Lady Rose of Midgard? Will you protect your lady against all foes, even at the cost of your own life?” Odin demanded.

“I swear it. I will guard her and hers for all time. May my life be declared forfeit if I fail in this duty,” Uial said gravely, as he made a cut across the grey skin of his palm and wiped the blood on the gleaming silver of the blade. “My blood, my sword, and my life to yours,” Uial rumbled as he offered her the weapon.

Rose took the sword from him, and makes a shallow cut across her own hand and then blooded the hilt. “I accept your sword and protection.” She hands the weapon back to him, and then said clearly for all to hear, “Rise and stand with me, Uial.” The massive shapeshifter stands and follows as she makes her way back to her seat, standing formally behind her at the table, and some small part of her feels better knowing he is with her.

Loki says nothing as she sits back down next to him, but she feels through their bond that he is not exactly pleased about the interaction, but he takes her hand and gives her a reassuring smile, and Rose lets it go for now, though she will ask him about it later.

Loki stares hard at the shapeshifter. He knows that he is being petty and childish, but a part of him wants to say that she does not _need_ the Chitauri’s protection because _he_ will keep her safe. Uial lifts his lip in a silent snarl at Loki, as if he knew what he was thinking and that he was severely, unimpressed, thus far with his abilities.

“Now that that is out of the way, can we discuss the matter of Thanos being out of Heimdall’s sight?” Thor said with a touch of impatience in his voice. “We need to take the fight to the Titan this time. His ceaseless contempt for the might of Asgard cannot be allowed to continue unchecked.” He thumped his fist on the table for emphasis, and earned a scornful look from Loki.

“If he has escaped the sight of Heimdall, how exactly do you expect us to find him?” Loki asked derisively. He sees Thor’s blue eyes brighten with excitement, and Loki just  _knows_ what Thor is going to say next before he even opens his mouth. “If we can lure him in with Lady Rose and the child, make it seem that they are unprotected and vulnerable, he will be sure to come after them,” Thor replied.

It is this very thing, the careless disregard for others that were in the path of what Thor wants that had helped to drive a wedge between them, and Loki slammed his clenched fist on the table, and can feel his temper snap as he surges to his feet in a blind fury.

“Absolutely not. You would dare put the woman I love in harm’s path just so you can have another tale to tell about your heroics at the next Thrimilici Festival!” Loki is leaning over his brother raging at him, and it takes him a full minute to realize that Rose is tugging on his sleeve. He turns to her, ready to berate her as well if she thinks to side with his brother against him in this, but her grey eyes are wide and surprised as she buries her face against his chest. The action surprises him, but then he notes that he has cracked the surface of the table where he struck it with his fist, and that he had just blurted out that he loved her.

While yelling at his brother.

Loki sighed, he really is the worst kind of bastard, pulls Rose closer, resting his cheek against her silky hair as he tries to calm his racing heart.

“I have Heimdall searching for him, and have warded the city against any intrusion,” Odin said evenly, as if nothing untoward had happened, but there is a kindness and a touch of amusement in his blue eye that makes something in Loki’s chest twist as the All-Father watches him cradling Rose to his chest. “Be at ease my son. We will not allow any harm to befall her or the child.”

“The mighty Loki, brought low by the love of a mortal,” Thor said with a wry snort of laughter. Loki itches to hit Thor with a blunt object, possibly _Mjölnir_ , but instead huffs out a brief laugh when his brother holds up his hands in gesture for peace.

“We should celebrate,” Thor proclaims as he lifts his goblet to Loki and Rose. “My brother has found happiness at last.” There is a genuine kindness in his blue eyes that reminds Loki of when they were children, and Thor was the first one that he had run to when he wanted to boast of an accomplishment, because his brother would always praise him and make him feel like he was worthy of being the younger son of Odin. Loki cannot help but laugh at the irony of it then, it seemed it had always been the way between them. Thor had ever been his biggest tormentor and his staunchest defender. It was their relationship in a nutshell.

“I believe the joy of new life is cause indeed for a celebration,” Frigga said, then pins her eldest child with a steely look. “I am going to pretend that you did not just insinuate that we should use my first grandchild as bait to lure in a madman.”

Thor has the grace to flush at his mother’s words and is shamefaced when he turns to Loki and Rose. “I would beg your pardon, Lady Rose, Loki. It would seem you are right, and I will never learn to think before I speak,” he said quietly. “It is no wonder that you have grown to despise me.”

Loki opened his mouth, then closes it with no idea how to reply to this, and is saved having to answer at all by Odin.

“We will speak of the Titan later.Tonight we will celebrate new life and new beginnings,” Odin said as he lifted his glass as well. "To Loki, and his Lady Rose."

* * *

 

Rose flings herself at Grady like she’d done ever since he’d gotten so much taller than her, and he grabbed her and spun her around like he’d done countless times before. Grady draws back laughing, and it is an echo of when they were growing up, when she’d been the one to catch him when he was the smaller one.

“Oh my _God_ ,” Grady said laughing as he grinned down at her. “You look like a snake digesting a hippo.”

“More just like the hippo part, but thanks for the lovely imagery, you dick” Rose said as she rolled her eyes at him. “Let me see you.” Rose tugs open the front of the loose shirt he wears, and inspects the vivid scar that is on his chest. It must have missed his heart by inches, and she fights back tears at the sight of it.

“I’m so glad you’re okay,” Rose said, then hugs him again hard, and she is fiercely glad to see him.

“Hey now, no girly tears, Rosie.” Grady gave her a gentle shake. “Let me see my niece.” He places his palm against her side and she can see his mind turned inward as he reaches out to the life inside her. He pulls back after a few minutes and laughs. “She’s like a lightning bolt isn’t she?”

“You really have no idea,” Rose said under her breath as she thought of green flames, and the fire that had raged out of her control while they were escaping the Titan. No idea at all.

“Okay, how are you really?” Gradys asked as they start walking along the terrace that overlooks the city proper. “All the time I’ve been here now, and Asgard still reminds me of something out of a movie.”

Rose nodded and gives a short laugh as she sat down on an alabaster bench and runs a fingertip over the gold veining in the pillar next to it. “Yeah, a really big budget movie, like _Cleopatra_.”

“It was weird, and scary as hell, and I thought for sure I was going to die.” Rose huffed a miserable laugh with no humor in it. “Uial and Argass saved my life. They look like the scariest of monsters, don’t they? But Uial has been one of the truest people I’ve ever known.”

“Yeah, I’ve met Uial,” Grady said. “I really don’t get the impression that he’s a big fan of all this.” Grady gestured with a hand to encompass Asgard, the people, and the sprawling city below them in all it’s golden glory. “You know that he loves you, don’t you?” Grady asked as he looked at her out of the corner of his eye, and watched Rose cringe at the question.

“Grady, please. Just don’t,” Rose groaned, then buried her face in her hands. “I don’t want him to trade one kind of hell for another.”

“Sis, if it’s one thing I’ve learned is that people have a tendency to throw away more love in their lives than they keep,” Grady said as he gave her a one-armed hug. “It will work itself out.” They watch the city unfold below them in silence before he speaks again. “Now what’s this about a party tonight?” Grady cackled with glee at the look of sheer horror on her face and kissed the top of her head. “Well, at least there’s going to be food.”

“Thanks Grade, and you’re right, there will be food.” Rose leans her head on his shoulder and lets him regale her with stories about what he’s been doing in Asgard while she was gone, but in the back of her mind, she keeps feeling like there is something she’s _forgetting_ and should remember to ask her brother, but like the remnants of a dream, it is gone when she chases it too hard. Rose gave it up with a mental shrug, and decides to sit back and just enjoy being with her brother. They are both alive and well, and she thinks she can worry about it later.

* * *

It is only later that she thinks if she had been able to recall what she had been made to forget it might have changed the outcome. But by then it was too late.

* * *

Odin is seated with Frigga, and watches as various nobles approach the table where Loki and Rose are seated, and offer them well-wishes on the birth of their child. If they also ask in the veiled manner of court politicians if there is to be an upcoming marriage as well … Odin has no idea, and would admit at least privately he would like the answer to that question as well.

Odin had seen the shocked look that the Midgardian girl had given Loki when he had shouted at his brother that he loved her, and he gives a brief chuckle at the memory, and thinks back to when his younger son had buried all feeling under a polite mask that he had shown to the world, with no one ever truly knowing his thoughts. Not so any longer. Loki had shouted his love of the girl for all the hear, and while he was angry, nay, _raging_ at his brother, the feelings he had for the girl were real. It gave Odin hope that all might not be as lost for Loki as he had once feared it to be.

He studies the girl that has so captured Loki’s heart, and takes a critical look at her. She was slightly built, and for all the bulk of pregnancy she is slim under the green and gold gown she wears. Her arms were bared, and he can see lean muscle under scarred flesh as she takes the goblet Loki offered to her. Her hair hung in long, dark brown curls to the middle of her back, and delicate brows arched over her light grey eyes. _Eyes that missed little_ , Odin thinks as she feels his scrutiny and gives him a brief look that gives away nothing. He sees her laugh at whatever her brother has said to her, and when she turns her gaze back to Loki, Odin can see love in her eyes when she looks at his son, and he hopes it will be enough.

“She is lovely, is she not?” Odin said quietly to Frigga. “The girl who has won our Loki’s heart.”

“Rose is strong, and she will need to be,” Frigga replied. “She loves him, and whether he will say the words or not, he loves her as well.”

 _“Say_ the words?” Odin huffed a laugh as he grinned at his wife. “Loki fairly screamed them for the whole of Asgard to hear.” He kissed his wife’s fingers as they watched the celebration of the news that there was to be an addition to the royal family of Asgard, and if Odin nods his head in the Midgardian girl’s direction, well, it cannot hurt for her to know that he blesses their union as well.

It is the first time that Loki has been to a royal assembly of any kind since his return to Asgard with Thor over a year ago _(unless you count his trial, and he does not)_ and he finds he has little stomach for the pomp and circumstance of it. Some of the very self-same people who had stood witness to his downfall and sentencing for punishment, now congratulate him, and he finds the hypocrisy unpalatable. He struggles to bury the resentment, for he can feel that Rose is ill at ease with all the attention focused on her, though she handles it well enough, and he would not make things more difficult for her. Loki is entertaining himself with the idea of enchanting his goblet to bray like an ass the next time he hears how his return to Asgard must indeed be blessed by the Norns, but is drug from his gloomy thoughts by the deliberate feel of Rose’s hand upon his thigh.

Rose takes a sip of her water, then she walks her fingers up Loki’s leg again to make him laugh. She can feel how abhorrent this whole thing is to him and has a good idea why, and gives him a wicked smile over the rim of her glass. Loki arched a brow at her and took the offending hand and placed a kiss on her palm in a not-so-subtle hint. Rose raised a brow back at him, giving him an innocent look, then runs her fingertips over the bond-mark on her neck and hears him inhale sharply through his nose at the sensation.

Loki leaned over to whisper in her ear. “I will make you pay for this later,” he said with a heated glance, then he tugs her hand back down to his leg. This time she can feel the hard ridge of his erection under her palm and she rubs her thumb along the length of him, making him squirm in his seat.

Rose leaned closer, and then lowered her eyes demurely. “And how will you make me pay for such insolence, Prince Loki? Should I beg for your forgiveness? On my knees perchance?”

At the vivid imagery Loki choked on a mouthful of wine but recovered quickly, and laughed at her antics to distract him. Rose is wearing a gown of green and gold, wearing _his_ colors without shame for all to see, and Loki feels the tightness in chest loosen at the sight. Is it any wonder that he loves her so? “You made need just such a punishment, min elskede,” Loki said solemnly, then laughs when Rose makes a gesture with her tongue that is somewhat obscene, and is so taken in by her playfulness that he doesn’t notice with Thor approaching with Fandral in tow for an introduction.

“Fandral has begged me for an introduction,” Thor said with a quick grin. He offers Rose a hand and helps her to her feet. “May I present Lord Fandral. One of the Warriors Three, and one of my closest friends.”

“Lady Rose, I see that the claims to your beauty do not begin to do justice to you,” Fandral said with a sweeping bow as he pressed a kiss to the back of her hand, giving Loki a smirk as he lingered over her hand.

Loki tightened his fingers around the goblet, and the wine freezes solid before he crushes it in his grip, shattering the glass. He sees Thor give him a worried look, but he cares not, and Loki knows that he should not be bothered by Fandral’s clumsy attempts to goad him, but the bastard is _touching_ her, and Loki can feel the shards of glass dig deeper into his hand as he seethes with fury at the insult being dealt by the libertine.

“What is that intriguing design upon your neck, Lady Rose?” Fandral runs warm fingers over the marks on her skin, and then jumps when she draws back with a startled yelp of pain.

Rose claps a shaking hand to her neck as pain seared her skin, but is saved having to come up with an answer by the loud crash of a chair overturning, and she hears someone give a startled oath. Loki is between them before she can draw a breath to speak, and he has Fandral up on his toes with the point of his dagger under his chin.

Loki’s eyes had turned from green to dark red, and he walks Fandral back away from Rose by digging the point of the knife in deeper into the blond man’s skin. “I will break my fast with your balls if you dare touch her again,” he said murderously, ignoring the shocked gasps and the tittering of laughter, and Loki wants to kill Fandral where he stands, but he must attend to his mate, he can feel that she is in pain and confused, and without another word Loki scoops Rose up and teleports them back to his room.

* * *

Loki sits Rose down on the edge of the bed and kneels in front of her, tugging her hand down from her neck. The bond-mark looks the same, delicate black lines wend the symbol for eternity across her skin, but Rose looks ill. All color is gone from her face, then she turns a shade a green that has her running for the wash basin to be sick. He pulls her hair back from her face, and runs a hand over her back, rubbing soothing circles between her shoulders as she retches again.

Rose moaned and ran a shaking hand over her face, then takes the damp cloth from Loki and wipes her clammy skin. “I have no idea what the hell just happened,” she said in a hoarse rasp.

Loki wants to say that he truly wanted to kill Fandral. Had wanted to gut him in front of all the nobles who had watched with such amusement, but somehow he thinks that is not what she is asking. “I am not sure either. It pained you greatly though,” he growled and is furious all over again with his brother’s friend.

“I need to talk to Uial,” Rose whispered. “When I was with Thanos, he had said something about not being able to tolerate another’s touch.” Rose leaves out the part where Thanos was threatening to have one of the Chitauri rape her, because Loki still looks like he’s plotting Fandral’s death, and she doubts it would help the situation.

Loki looks somewhat less than thrilled by her request, but he steps into the hall and brings the shapeshifter back with him.

Uial’s golden eyes take in the ashen shade of her skin, and the tremble in her hands as she runs the cloth over her face, and gives her a perfunctory bow that normally would have made her laugh.

“How may I serve?” Uial intoned matter-of-factly, but she can tell he’s amused and trying his best not to laugh at her.

“Oh, stop that shit,” Rose fired back. “What the hell happened to me?” She gestures to the bond-mark on her neck and the fact that she looks like she’s half-dead.

“You are a true-mated pair,” Uial said puzzled. “I have told you this before.”

“But what does that mean _exactly_ ,” Rose asked with an edge to her voice. She wants to scream at him to just fucking _say_ it, in plain English this time, but then he would just give her another of those, you dumb fuck, _looks_ that he did so well, and still have no idea what she was talking about.

 _“Exactly,_ it means that you are his, and cannot withstand the touch of another male,” Uial said with an eye roll, and continues speaking without being prompted. “Others may touch you, but if there is … intent … behind it, your bond between you will reject it. Violently, if needs be.”

Uial looked down then, and Rose feels like she’s going to be sick thinking what he must have endured when his mate was killed. “Uial, I am so -” Rose wants to say that she is _sorry,_ but it is useless, and he would not welcome her pity. “I understand now,” she said quietly. And she does.

The Chitauri relents a bit, seeing the misery in her eyes. “If you reconnect with your mate you will feel better,” he said, and for once there is no hint of the disdain that he normally shows for Loki in his voice.

Uial bowed to her before he leaves the room, and for the first time he includes Loki in the gesture of respect that leaves her bemused, and wondering just what had brought on the sudden change of heart. Rose has her suspicions that it was the fact that Loki had almost stabbed Fandral for just touching her, which just goes to show that men were men no matter where they hailed from.

Loki silently watches the Chitauri leave, and he is stunned by what the other had said. He had equated the shapeshifters with the Jötunn’s in the fact they were little better than animals, but he is being proved time and again, that what he has believed for so very long was far from the truth, and he drops to his knees in front of Rose and pulls her close, burying his face in her hair. Loki will never regret the fact she is tied to him, and he prays that this will not be the thing that drives her to wish she was not bound to him as well.

Rose burrows into his warmth, and just lets herself cling to him like he’s the last solid thing in her world. She can feel the black swirl of emotion in him and pulls back, smoothing a lock of inky-dark hair back from his face and kisses him, stealing his words with a kiss and the feel of her hands upon his body.

This comfort at least he can give her, Loki thinks, grateful for the reprieve. He breaks off the kiss to run his lips over her neck, and he can scent her again, and just like before he loses all control of himself.

Loki is fumbling with the laces to his pants with trembling hands as Rose pulls her gown over her head, and he can think of _nothing_ but the burning need to get inside her as fast as he can. He is growling with frustration by the time he finally frees himself and when he touches the dark curls between her legs he sees Rose bite her lip to stifle a moan. He pulls Rose to the edge of the bed and sheathes himself inside her in one thrust as she wraps her legs around him to pull him closer, and he can feel his legs shaking from the pleasure. He can’t keep his lips from her neck, and nips softly at her skin without giving in to the urge to truly bite this time, until she makes a frustrated sound, and shoves herself back from him and sits up.

Rose pushes Loki back a step so she can drop to her knees in front of him, and then gives him a playful smile that makes him suck in a shaky breath. “I believe that I was supposed to beg for … something,” she said as she took him in hand, and then runs her tongue around the head of his cock. She works him with exquisite slowness until he tightens a hand in her hair, and then she smirks up at him. Loki’s face is flushed with bright spots of color, and he grits his teeth, and tries not to come in her hand as she slowly strokes him. “Have I been sufficiently chastised for my bad behavior?” Rose puts a breathy note in her voice as she stands up, then laughs when Loki just stares down at her blankly for a minute before he smiles at her widely enough that she can see dimples in his lean cheeks.

“I believe the punishment should suit the crime, my love.” Loki spins her around so her back is to his chest, and puts her hands on the bed. He licks the mark on her neck, and smiles against her skin when Rose throws her head back into his chest with a moan. He thrusts back into her, and she pushes back in such a way Loki can feel his eyes roll back in his head from the pleasure of it. “You are appalling short, but I suppose I will be able to endure,” he said, then laughs when she bites his arm in retaliation for the slur, and this time when he sets his teeth on her neck he bites her _hard_ , holding her in place as she orgasms around him, and Loki comes with a ragged moan as well.

* * *

 

Later, they are satiated and drowsy and Loki is curled around her, making shadow animals on the wall by the light from the candle. He trots a new one out, and while she has guessed them all correctly thus far, this time he can tell he has her stumped. “What the hell is that?” Rose demanded with a laugh. “I even guessed _Sleipnir_ right, now I think that you’re just making shit up.”

“No, ’tis a real thing,” Loki insists. “It’s Bilgesnipe.” He tells her about them, and how he and his brother had once hunted them so very long ago. Rose has her head pillowed on his shoulder, and with her stomach pressed to his side he feels a flurry of surprisingly hard kicks from the baby that make him laugh. “She’s wide awake,” Loki said, then strokes his palm over his daughter to soothe her restless movements.

“No joke, she just kicked me in the bladder,” Rose said dryly. “What are the customs in Asgard about names? I mean, do you have customs about names?”

“The parents decide a name before the birth, but it is kept secret between them until the child’s name day.” Loki tilts his head so he can see her face. “Have you thought of a name that you wish to call her?”

Rose smiled against the warm skin of his shoulder. “I had thought to name her after you.”

“You wish to name her Loki? That is a perfectly horrid name for a girl,” he said with a snort of laughter.

“I think it’s a really girly name,” Rose said snickering as he gives her an affronted huff. “But I meant more something that reminds me of you.”

Loki feels his chest tighten and is hard pressed to draw a clean breath, as images of ill deeds swamp him. “Really, what then? Liesmith, Jötunn, _Monster_? Tell me, which of these things would you wish to call her?”

“I was going to say Anora, but Monster-Liesmith does have a certain ring to it.”

“Honor? What exactly, about _me_ , would ever make you think of honor?” Loki closed his eyes, he cannot bear to see pity in her eyes when she looks at him.

“Everything,” Rose said simply as she took his chin in her hand and turned his head so he was looking at her. “Everything that you are, Loki Odinson.”

The words are an echo of what she had said to him earlier, and a lure that he cannot bring himself to resist, and Loki kisses her as he realizes then that he has finally allowed himself to think of a future with her. That for the first time has allowed himself to think of what may come without the bitterness that had plagued him for so long, and he feels young again and full of hope.

And surely he can trust her with what is left of his heart. Rose has stood by him time and again -- but it still takes him two tries, and more courage than was pretty before he can make himself admit the truth to her. “I love you Rose,” Loki said, and for a moment he thinks that she’s fallen asleep, and his confession has been for naught, but then she takes his hand and laces their fingers together over their child. “I love you too, Loki,” Rose tells him. Her grey eyes shimmer with tears, but she gives him a radiant smile, and she is so, so beautiful to him.

Loki kisses Rose again, and this time when he wraps his arms around her, they both drift off to sleep.


End file.
